Hey guys my WS is coming around bit by bit and I wanted to print her out some info. I keep catching her reading my stuff, but it's mainly for the BS. Can you link me to some articles or information that explains her FOG and how to deal with her withdrawal?

Any help is greatly appreciated. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ July 10, 2004, 04:28 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

Here's a link to one of my break-through moments as a WS...I hope it helps.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=013096#000000


Oscar

Leave the book Surviving an Affair around. It has info in it for both BS and WS.

Put a bookmarker in it to kinda give a hint where you are at.

L.

That is great news! Keep doing what you are doing. Good to see you in the album.

You are picking this stuff up and acting on it at an amazing rate. Don't expect too much too soon.
You could invite her to post here.

Thanks Believer, I sent her the link to the forum when I first started posting. I don't want to push her. I think I need to slow down actually, I don't want false recovery I want real recovery...and it's taken a long time considering we were separated for 2 years almost and we've been back together under one roof for over a year.

A bunch of wasted time in a way, because she secretly kept contact with the OM! Combine her EA and my love busters all the good stuff I was doing, making home pleasent, being attentive, special things I did for her...it was all sort of futile. Now that I know the principles and rules of real recovery I'm just hoping I have enough gas in the tank.

Until she writes the "No Contact" letter, I have nothing. Not being sarcastic just totally honest, don't want to get my hopes up, but I gotta try and stay positive.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yep, you have to rest up. I understand that recovery is very hard.

For one thing, BS is tired from all of the Plan A'ing, and WS is in withdrawal, then ashamed. So it may be a long time before she will be meeting your needs. So it is vital to take care of yourself also.

Not only that, the resents me for contacting the OM and aiding to end the affair. Being the blind trusting H I thought it was the OM pursuing her, but it was her...heck the OM had no idea me and W had even moved back in together...and she still claims they were only friends.

Life is hard here and it takes every strand of strength in me not to LB. How dare she resent me for speaking up when I noticed her phone bills, how dare she resent me for not wanting her spending time with the OM? All these points are valid but the FOG is so thick she can't see anything.

Believer I'm so upset its ridiculous. I actually broke down yesterday, there's been alot going on. My daughter started acting out, had to be a by product of time spent with mommy during the separation where she was left alone alot, which made her become WAY WAY more independent then she should have been. I had a panick attack last night, let me tell you that was very scary. It must be stress related. The paramedics kept asking me if I was under alot of stress and I told them yes...because my vitals were fine.

At any rate, I really need to take care of myself at this point. My WW has still not completed a No Contact letter and its been quite sometime. I am going to set a date for Plan B for my own safety and health. I've been just about as understanding as I can muster and its starting to affect my health. When it comes down to it she has to wake up and I cannot allow her to drag me down. That anxiety attack scared me, I actually thought I was having a heart attack. FOG or no FOG this is getting too serious now and if she doesn't snap out soon....anyway that why I was hoping I could get her information for FWS's and other info. because Plan B will be introduced as soon as finances permit.

You might want to check out anti-depressants. They will help. I know men don't like them. The panic attack thing can really get out of hand though. I had the same thing. Felt like I couldn't breathe and the paramedic suggested it might be a panic attack.

All of this stuff is so painful. But if you read the stories here, you will see that they all do and say the same things. They are like addicts. Keep reading here, and you will start not taking it so personally.

Stick with us. Whether you restore your marriage or not, you will learn a lot here that will help you in any relationship.

All I know is anyone with the strength to deal with being betrayed, lied to decieved and then treated like they're the bad guy on top of it...

Any of you beautiful, compassionate, empathetic, loving people who manage to stick it out for the love you had for your WS's and your children...
you are genuinely some of the strongest people I've had the pleasure of encountering...

Plan B is on the horizon...there she blows!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Just think about it:
you have warm, beautiful people full of charm, sense of purpose and personality..

People like ARC??
How in the heck do you push aside, step on, lie to and decieve someone as sweet and well-meaning as ARC?

Believer always has something encouraging to say, always a supporter, always in your corner, how can you love Believer and then lie and decieve with no remorse and then blame her for not sitting by and watching you make a joke out of your M?

Men like Frank, hey I don't know everything, but please no one deserves or should be subjected to that type of mental cruelty and blatant disregard...goodness gracious.. Frank actually has to negotiate with his W and argue possibly in court to protect the mental state of his D...just to keep his WW from exposinf their D to his WW's A with a deadbeat, excon...

Sorry guys I'm ranting, but I'm starting to lose hope. When I look at that photo album I see all these smiling people full of warmth and dreams for a future and their WS's threw that away on fantasies and then they have the self-centered ambivalence to punished their BS's throughour Plan A
and for what?
Because they feel bad??
gimme a fat break..lol
WE FEEL WORSE THAN BAD, HELLO YOU CHEATED ON US REMEMBER?

I see why people throw in the proverbial towel and say "forget this #^%#", but after saying all of that I will not LB tonight. I will simply clamp my feelings because I do not want to anger my WW, I will hold back my pain so my WW can continue to wallow in her self-pity, denial and selfishness. Hey, who am I to demand respect, honor and commitment...I'm only your Friggin
HUSBAND! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I'm okay folks I just had to say it....GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Gosh Family Matters - You sound a little angry tonight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Anything else bothering you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

i really like some of your replies to other posts do you think i`m stupid for trying desperatly to hang on to my WS please respond to my story

NOPE HURTINGNn'SCARED you are the epitome of what marriage should mean. You are that light glowing in a sea of "The Bridges of Madison County" where we tend to romanticize the despicable, selfish, demeaning, catastrophic disassembly of our homes the dysfunction of our children and their right to develope and be nurtured in an atmosphere of biological dads & moms....

Don't quit, hang in there as long as you can do so bearing in mind your own health and sanity. I still believe what I'm doing is right..and of course I LB'd tonight...couldnt help myself had to ask about the "No Contact" letter...sowwiee.
Lord knows she wasn't going to bring it up..she'd rather sit on the couch and let things fester.

My WW still believes the only way to fix things is to break up this family. Well, pretty soon she might get her wish. The major problem with PLAN B is that it provides this loop, I've already been thru that loop. We were already apart and reconciled, now I find out that she broke up with the OM like a month before she moved in with me!

Help if you can, my lifes a train wreck. I reengineered my entire life thinking this woman was onboard and she never was. I think I'm going to contact my doctor about the meds..this is just a tad more than I can take without creating a bad environment....and to think she resents me???
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

iwish ihad answers for you the way i feel is to never give up ,i`````m also going to get meds tommorow because if i don`t i will probally have a breakdown.

Hurt-
Its okay, it really is...
Do you have friends that you can rely on?
DO you have anyone that you can hang out with for
a few days just to get your head around this mess?

The way we feel is to be expected.

I've must take care of me now..My WW has no clue or care what I'm going thru...I'm thinking about leaving for a few days to let her breath.

Your situation is different; you just need support. Just make sure you tell anyone that you talk to that you "WANT TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE"..because anyone who loves you will probably tell you to dump her.

Stay strong friend,
you are not alone

I'm going to institute Plan B..
I'm sure many people will say NO FM...
Continue with Plan A..
but seriously considering we were in reconciliation and she kept contact with the OM
for over a year the only thing she can possibly resepect is Plan B
and now she's back in the withdrawal
I think the only way I can be the type of H that she could want to live her life with is if she leaves now while I can maintain civility..

She isn't even apologetic.

Plan B......all the way

i think you should reconsider because plan B could be devesting to you even more i know you love your wife extremely just like i love mine but hang in there

Too late..I already told her and I think its for the best. She needs to hit rock bottom without me. Since me and my WW had already reconciled and she still kept contact, decieveing me...she claims it was just and EA not a PA...but comeon..he used to be her boyfriend during our divorce..why would he stop sleeping with her if he thought she was still single?

I dont understand!

Plan B she needs to leave. At some point you must claim your own sanity, dignity and health.

Consider this my declaration.
\

I have made a deal with myself about plan B. As far as I know there been NC for 6-8 weeks maybe more, but if there is another attempt at contact, plan b goes into effect. I cannot continue to be sent into a ravig madness everytime she does this. I know what you mean about dignity and sanity. Enough is enough. My FWW is telling me there is NC, I pray she is telling me the truth, because I don't want to lose her, but I also don't want to lose my mind either.