my mother inlaw has no idea of the affair she had 10 months ago or how she is behaving right now, she really likes me and i know she would be very upset with wife,do you think i should expose whats going on now and the affair??? please read my other post o learn what````s going on now,all replies will be very very much apprecited.

After you do your homework. Don't take shortcuts. You may not get another chance.

Make sure your motives are pure.

JMHO,
L.

The marriage builders program (Plan A) includes exposing the affair to everyone. Don't do it in a hateful manner. Just tell MIL what is going on, and that you would like to save your marriage.

By the way, have you eaten yet?

no i`ve ate nothing because it will come up anyways, and i`m scared to tell because it might push WS over the edge and she would be so upset she would never try to reconcile because i told her mom.

hi orchid thanks for your reply but i really don`t understand what you mean by doing homework and short cuts because i don`t know what i`m skipping.

hurting - You need to take care of you. This is a process. You will be okay. We will help you get through this. But you must settle down, and believe there is hope.

I know what you are going through. It is awful. But you have to make a pact with yourself that you will take care of you.

See the thing is, she's already making decisions to be away from you. She did one other time too in another affair. This time do what it will take to wake her from this fantasy. Is your W close to her Mother? Is there a lot of influence there? If so, that much the better. See, right now she's blaming you for what she is doing. She is justifying adultery on your treatment of her before the Affairs. I know that's ridiculous, but thats what happens. One of the things that blew me away about MB was Dr. Harley said that most affairs are textbook cases. They are all so close in what they are made up of. Your situation looks like 10,000 other ones. Just change the names and faces and you have the same A. When the people in her life besides you (her husband who she blames) start seeing her sinful behavior and her treatment of you they will turn on her (if they are people of values). They will take up your cause, because you love her and you are sticking to your marriage vows. It will add to the pressure on her, this is a good thing. It's the real world making a wake up call on her. Adultery is one of the most evil sins one person can do to another. She sees the pain in you and it is causing conflicting emotions in her, but she probably won't show you that. She will run over the top of you to please herself. That's the whole fantasy, it's all about me, me, me. No one else. The WS will throw away spouses, children, jobs, careers, friends.... everything for the feeling they are getting from that other person. I don't mean sexually, I mean those emotional needs being met by the other person. They feel like they are on top of the world; just like a drug! That's why they are not themselves... they become like some drug fiend, who is consumed with "how to I continue to feel this way!"

I know this stinks right now, but what the others have told you is right. Work on you!!! No LB, let her see you rebound and move on. Show her the best you, you can be. Because as the bubble bursts, and it will, she will be comparing you to him and him to you and you need to be the one who looks good to her. I know it sounds nuts, but that's the truth... read others posts, your story is everyone elses story. Pretty depressing isn't it?

God Bless..... Out!

Runningwithscissors,

Great post. On the money. May I again recomend the following link

http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/gro...amp;sssct=Other%20Things%20to%20Consider

Tell, tell, tell. As soon as possible.

Of course it will make her made and of course she will blame you for invading her privacy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

But this is because she knows others won't approve and it'll make things less "perfect" in her perfect fantasy.

Tell everybody who possibly has any influence in her life. Do it now.

my mother inlaw relayed messages to my wife from O saying that he wanted to meet her.
I once cared for her now i detest her. with a passion.