The title explains it..... I know it's only been two weeks since the NC (he did not send a letter but just made up his mind kind of thing, which I do believe....), but she won't quit calling him on his cell. Do I or WH do anything? Last night his cell phone was in his car and I went to get it and checked it and that's when I saw she had just called him. I wasn't sure about the name or number so I called it back and sure enough she answered and hung up on me. I was sooo upset.... She told him she didn't want to be in contact with him either so why is she being so phsycho? She is sooo screwed up in the head and it's only making WH feel bad. He knows he's hurting her having to do severe their friendship, and that's not a good feeling for him (of course)... augh! **tch!

Should I call OW? Should I make him write a NC letter? Should I call OW parents (whome she just moved back in with- she's seperated from her H). I have written them (OW parents) an anonimous letter, just haven't sent it yet. Should I get a mutual friend to tell OW to quit it? Should I/ we do nothing?

<small>[ July 10, 2004, 03:18 AM: Message edited by: Doing His will ]</small>

He should get a new cellphone number or a new cell phone...
period...

ark

I agree with ark^^ and if possible, you and your husband should go on a holiday for at least 2 weeks, just to be able to concentrate on yourselves.

This is what we did shortly after d-d and it worked wonders. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

bb

EGGZACKLY...
Change that number....ask him politely....if he refuses I'd be suspicious. My WW refused and avoided changing her number...No Wonder Why!!
She was still in contact...Please don't let what happened to me happen to you...

The Cell for Number Must be changed...

non-negotiable...

all it might take is for you to LB and for him to be away at the market and for her to call...

OOPPS
and then all of your hard work is diminished and you're back to square 1 or 2...

Be vigilant in your pursuit, and believe very little except what you can see...

sorry there's no room for pleasentries, you're trying to save your marriage and I'm trying to help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oh there's something we often leave out...
remember the OW is also going thru withdrawal; that is if the your WS is actually cutting contact. And we already know in order for her to be the OW she had to have some deficencies in the self-esteem area...

She might be relentless with a capital R..

Change that number

Don't change the cell phone number but rather get a new cell phone. Keep the old phone and let her repeatedly call but hide the thing and put it on silent. She'll keep calling and eventually give up. If you change this number, she'll go looking to find that new number. If she doesn't realize there is a new number, she won't go looking and you will be protected from further intrusions into recovery.

Sorry to say but xow went over 2 years still contacting. Absolutely noone else would ever be interested in such a person, so she keeps going back to what worked before. My husband's naivity.

WOW! JPH good idea...very good idea!

I never thought of that...

JPH for Prezident..lol

That's also what we did. My husband got a "new" cell-phone and I got his old one!

And BAM December 18th (almost 3years after d-d)OW actually tryed to contact my husband!!!
She was shocked when I answered and she hung up.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

bb

Wow, guys thanks so much! I guess we were both so surprised she called him last night that I didn't even think of that option. Good one! He didn't talk to her...there was just two missed calls and thats when I called the number back. His is a buisness phone, but I know they have an extra cell phone/ line he can take over and stop using this one and give to his newly hired empolyee.... I can't keep the phone since it belongs to the company and they just signed a contract on the new phone so if they hire someone they have to provide them with a cell....

By not telling her it is over, he is leaving the door open.

WS who refuse to send the NC letter rarely achieve no contact. It's an indication that he's not really willing to take responsibility for ending the affair.

And, she's still calling, so it isn't ended with finality. So his way isn't working.

Who told you that she didn't want to be in contact with him? Your H? Under what circumstances did that conversation take place?

It should be HIS decision, not the OWs that is important. "Oh she doesn't want to see me anyway."

In any regard, apparently she has changed her mind and does want contact.

A lot of OP still call after the NC letter, but then there isn't the WS quandary of what they should do...they don't answer.

Even if you were to call the OW, her parents, whoever, it wouldn't be as effective as your H stating in writing that he does not intend to be in contact with her.

I always think WSs who won't do this are keeping their affair as a back-up plan...afterall, they never really told the OP it was over.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Doing His will:
<strong> ......His is a buisness phone, but I know they have an extra cell phone/ line he can take over and stop using this one and give to his newly hired empolyee.... I can't keep the phone since it belongs to the company and they just signed a contract on the new phone so if they hire someone they have to provide them with a cell.... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He doesn't have to return the physical phone, just get a new #. Let his work know that an unknown weirdo has been calling and you need the number changed. Don't let the company give the ph# to another co-worker. Bad enough the cell co. will eventually reassign that # to another user and the OW may begin to harrass another person.

As for informing her parents, that is your choice. I wrote a letter to OWs mother but never sent it. She reads another language so I would have had to it translated and didn't want OW to be the translator.

Know that sometimes blood is thicker than water and the parents may or may not have the guts to condem their daughter's inpropriaties.

I would do a criminal check on her. Take a walk to the local courthouse and see if she has filed or been filed against. In some states, you can also do a DMV check on-line to see if she has any DUI or outstanding warrants.

JMHO,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> By not telling her it is over, he is leaving the door open.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He did tell her via an email that they couldn't contact eachother anymore because he wanted to save his marraige... I never saw the email though.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
Who told you that she didn't want to be in contact with him? Your H? Under what circumstances did that conversation take place?

Even if you were to call the OW, her parents, whoever, it wouldn't be as effective as your H stating in writing that he does not intend to be in contact with her.

I always think WSs who won't do this are keeping their affair as a back-up plan...afterall, they never really told the OP it was over. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WS told me of an email she sent to him a few weeks back reiterating what he had told her... I had told him to tell me each time he heard form her.

Your last comment... I've thought the same thing... but who knows. He did it twice, I guess he may just need to do it again (via reg. mail)since the first time he told her that he still called her twice and vice versa. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> And the second time he's stuck by it... now this- she tries calling.

Ops, just checked my email... I wonder if any of it is really true. OP sent me an email apologizing. She said she was at a party and a drunk friend got a hold of her cell and started making calls. That she was not trying to call my H. She said she is genuinely trying to stay away and not contact my H, that she really wants our marriage to heal and work it all out. And that she was going to find another church (we were once friends and we all go to the same church.....) so that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. However her unstable self didn't forget to mention how she is trying to "disappear" since she have nothing anymore... sob, sob... all her dang fault... her marraige is ruined (they both had lots of prior problems and stuff with my own H made them even worse), just a young stupid girl whose made a lot of mistakes and now is single (her disicion not her H) and trying to raise her daughter- why do I feel sorry for her?... augh!

I deleted the email and told FWH about how she wasn't the one to call but a drunk male friend of hers, and how she apologized for it- and that's all. He doesn't need to know how wacked in the head she is.

I hope for the sake of your marriage this was just some stupid call made at a party...but cynical enough to wonder why it was your H's number that was called.

She sounds like she might be trying to do the right thing and leave the 2 of you alone. I hope so.