It was suggested to me that I should post this here as I have already posted on the Pregnancy topic.

WW got pregnant with OM's baby about two months ago. I thought we had decided to work on out marriage together but now I am starting to get frustrated.

WW says she loves me but will not actually DO anything that can be construed as love. She says she cannot fill ANY of my EN's because she is sick from the pregnancy and having issues with her lack of medication. (WW diagnosed with bi-polar)

I have been doing what I can to fulfill her EN's and get this marriage back on track but she is freezing me out and using the pregnancy as an excuse. (too sick to do anything) This will be our fourth child and this marriage has not been fulfilling my EN's since just after the first was born. (now 6 years) I am not looking for sex but just some affection or affirmation or something that tell me I am getting through and its getting better.

Does coming off medication and being pregnant absove WW from using the MB concept and working on this marriage???

Any help is appreciated.

Is the OM out of the picture and having no contact with your wife?

Hi Julius,

First, I have to tell you I really admire you for all that you have done so far for your family. Many men wouldn't even consider keeping their family together under these circumstances. I admire your strength.

I also have some experience with bi-polar disorder and I think this pregnancy can be very difficult for both of you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Julius:
<strong>This will be our fourth child and this marriage has not been fulfilling my EN's since just after the first was born. (now 6 years) I am not looking for sex but just some affection or affirmation or something that tell me I am getting through and its getting better.

Does coming off medication and being pregnant absove WW from using the MB concept and working on this marriage??? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The problems go back six years. They aren't going to be resolved overnight, unfortunately. And now is not a great time to begin working on them.

Your wife is truly at a disadvantage here. Without the medications that help her be balanced, she may truly be unable to work at making you feel affirmed. She may doing everything she can just to keep her head above water and not wash into deep depression, or to control manic impulses to just get in the car and drive off.

Your wife needs extra care now. I am assuming she is under the care of a psychiatrist who is monitoring her mental health during this pregnancy? If not, she should be. The psychiatrist might be able to refer you to a counselor who is familiar with bi-polar disorder, one who can help the two of you negotiate what you both need and want from the other.

Your wife's diagnosis complicates recovery, in my opinion. But you have shown yourself to be a man of patience and caring. Get her medical help and counseling for the two of you, if you haven't already. That is the place to start.

~ Snow

Believer, OM was out of the fast! The minute he found out she was pregnant he quit his job and moved away. (perhaps that is why my wife came back to me so fast??) I doubt we will here from him again.
Snow, WW is seeing a very hands-off psychiatrist who does not do therapy, WW is not in traditional therapy anymore, said it was not helping and the meds were. MC seem worthless dealing with bi-polar so I may be on my own here.
I appreciate you kind words about me. I do not feel strong, I feel like jello. I am exhausting myself just trying to deposit love units and she is not really responding. How long do you need to do this before the WS comes out of thier shell? How long SHOULD you wait? My case may be more difficult but it would sure help if I knew I was making progress.
Any ideas are much appreciated, thanks.

Okay, you can start in Plan A. That is the traditional place to start. You can read all about it on the link in my signature line.

You are a strong man, even if you don't feel like it, and we love you already. You are doing the right thing. It may be some time before your wife is able to join you in recovery. So come here, and we will help and support you.

The pregnancy board has some experts and I'm sure that they will be around soon. Weekends are slow. They know all the ins and outs of your situation, and will give you the right advice.

Check out Ark's post here in general questions about getting grounded in Plan A. She has lots of great ideas about how to make life better while you are going through this.

One more thing, there is a private pregnancy board here that is supposed to be very good. You have to have 45 posts to get in, and also be familiar with the MB concepts. So post away this weekend.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> You are doing the right thing. It may be some time before your wife is able to join you in recovery. So come here, and we will help and support you. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Julius,

Believer put that very well. Your wife may be going through withdrawal on top of dealing with her unmedicated bi-polar symptoms. That is a lot. It may not end until the baby is born and she gets back on medications.

Can you hang in that long? Can you do Plan A and give her extra time? We'll support you here.

~ Snow

WOW thanks for the great responses.
Snow, now I feel impatient, I will not have to wait for the baby as she will be allowed to get back on her meds at 15 weeks. But now that I think about it, she may have very serious issue with guilt on top of everything else. Well I have made my decision and I just have to fight my "taker" as much as I can. Can you feel the adrenaline and somach twist when he takes over? It's a possesion but I have so far been able to hide him.
Posting on these boards makes you feel better than I thought. Thanks.

Julius,

I would bide my time, then, and do the best Plan A you can. Give her some time after 15 weeks to get the meds back in her system, and never forget that she may need different meds or dosages when she is pregnant.

Yes, she will feel guilt, withdrawal, and plenty of other feelings. You will feel things you never thought possible. That's why they call it the rollercoaster ride.

I think you'll do well. Keep your chin up.

~ Snow

Julius -

When you find out that others are going through the same thing it is comforting. Also when you read about affairs, they are almost all the same. That way you don't take it so personally.

I know this has to be extra hard for you, taking care of wife, kids, and then the sad feelings from the betrayal. Just think, if your marriage can make it through this, it can be better than before. That is where you can get your hope and strength.

Try to take care of yourself too. Get rest, and do some nice things for you. Be prepared for a long battle. When your wife comes out of the fog, she will be very guilty feeling, and then you will have to help her through THAT.

Is the child yours?

Child cannot physically be mine. I have been fixed, so she would not get pregnant while having bi-polar and she had a endrometrial abolation. I was tested a while back and was still sterile...but now that you mention it, I have not been tested since the A.

I guess I have a doctor's appointment to make.

Julius - Make that doctors appt., and ask about some anti-depressants. I know men don't like to take them, but they would really help.

You have a lot on your plate right now, and a lot of people depending on you. You need to take very good care of yourself.

As well as being in Plan A, you should be spending 15 hours a week with your wife doing pleasant things.