I read in one book it helps bring them back??????The book was " Stop your divorce" by homer Mcdonald.....I tryed alot of his advice and it did work..........Agreeing,Act Happy,ect.

Definately a no-no in the MarriageBuilders philosophy. Think of BS dating while trying to "save" a marriage, as adding a scoop of ice cream to try to save an omlet.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

SD

Honorable married people don't date others.

Acting happy or busy is different than dating.

Both of you being in the betrayer and betrayed role will not help your marriage.

Voice of experience checking in...

Don't do it.

It doesn't help. It seems like it helps, but in actual fact, it's making things worse. Furthermore, it is morally wrong.

dewt

in my case it did help bring my H hack it also helped me back away and give him time he needed and give myself time

BUT I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND IT. i regret it terriabley. and then i was in a bad situation when it was time that i wanted to reconcile with my h i had this other persons feelings i was concerned about. then i fetl tremendous guilt even though my h knew and everything and i was 99.9 percent sure we were divorcing i still feel guilt! i would NOT recommend doing this to try to get them back!

Let's not forget how unfair it is to the person you'd be dating. I suppose you could tell them, "I'm looking for a temporary sex partner and trying to make my wife jealous so she comes back to me. How about it?" But what kind of nutcase would go along with that?

GC

I agree two wrong's don't make a right......That is what C said........

frankd,
There are a lot of bad MC's out there and a lot of bad authors giving bad advice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Right now, you are the good guy. Your W is living with the OM and you are trying to hold things together and be a good father. Dating someone now would sabotage that effort.

As a married man, anything that looks even remotely like dating begins to put you on the same page as your WW. It is also terribly unfair to anyone you might date.

Think of how it would affect your D to know that both of her parents are straying. She needs at least one of you to provide stability.

If you are trying to attract your WW back home, concentrate on a loving, safe home environment. Cook healthy foods, keep the house clean. Get involved in activities for yourself and your D. Take her to parks, make friends with her playmates parents. Do things to stay busy and you will be happier.

DON'T make the mistake of inappropriate behavior just bacause your W is engaging in it, it could lead to more than you planned...

Remember to take one day at a time and focus on being a responsible father. At the end of each day you need to look in the mirror and be able to say that you did the bast you could for her.

FrankD,

I agree with a lot of Homer Macdonald's theories and have seen them help. I disagree with dating. However, I think it is wise to put yourself in a group of friend that INCLUDE the opposite sex and make sure you are seen in public.

Like I said in a previous post, stay away from alcohol, but definitely put on a happy face and converse with everybody. Don't sit there like a lump on a log. DO NOT GET INTO A SITUATION of one on one with a member of the opposite sex in any scenario. You MUST show your WS that your life is continuing with or without them.

Frank, I started dating 3 weeks after my H left me in 1999 [duh!] and was hopelessly in love within a month! I think I was so needy that I would have fallen in love with a treestump if it had looked at me right.

My C kept telling me over and over again, "you are NOT AVAILABLE to date right now! STOP DATING!" He kept telling me I wasn't ready and boy, he was right about that. Talk about impaired judgement! And to make matters worse, my son was then killed around that time so any remaining shred of good judgment went out the window.

As you can see, I found out right away after getting married that he was carrying on an EA with an old GF of his! Thanks be to God my marriage worked out in the end, but it had such a terrible start and was founded on poor judgment.

bump

frankd,
You received 8 replies and 100% said DON'T date while you are married! Are you hoping to bump this up and get a different response? MB'ers are not going to give you that advice if they are following the Harley's principles.

You WILL be OK, take care of yourself and your D.

Frank do not under any circumstances date anyone for any reason. This is non-negoitable. You cannot be the reasonable one, the unselfish one and then forfeit that by dating in your M.

The strongest thing you have right now is having an A is wrong. If you start doing the same thing you only justify your WS's actions.

Cheating on your WS because they cheated on you is not the way to go, in fact I see it as revenge rather than leverage. Imho, our strongest leverage is doing the right thing not succumbing to irrational actions such as payback or retaliation.

Sorry friend you've come to far to shoot yourself in the foot. Put the gun down. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Homer McDonald's book was the first one I got after D-day. I felt hopeless, desperate and lost. I purchased his e-book and used up all the ink to print it out and found out to be very disappointed. Then I kept searching for more and spent more money on these books and inks. None of them gave me great advice as MB. So I sticked here. I don't think dating is good, it will give more excuse for the WS to justify their own action. Even though the idea popped to me few times, but I won't do it.

I am not dating anyone I was just wondering If this would help the situation???????? My WW wants me to find someone else so she don't look as bad...........

Right Frank and thats your power...
see why I say giving into that would be shooting yourself in the foot?

I'm on your side and I'm just trying to give you good advice.

Stay strong Frank....it's hard for me too...but knowing I'm not alone really helps.

I guess this more like a support group than a discussion board...

and I like that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by frankd:
<strong> so she don't look as bad........... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">EXACTLY, you are not about to fall for that are you?

Frank, your WW's wish for you to date is all the more reason not to do it.

This morning I met a cool, sweet, and really, really beautiful young woman who was canvassing for an environmental group down by the neighborhood coffee shop, chatted her up for a while. If I was single and she'd have let me, I'd have talked to her all day. But instead I cut the conversation short and headed home.

Frank, let this thread die. Forget it.

GC