Last week WW announced that she was moving out because it wasn't "working out". Tell me about it...going out with her boyfriend every night until 4:00 in the morning right in front of my face wasn't working out...

She said she was going to get a 6 month lease to "work things out and think about things and be on her own". I admit I committed some LBs the first night we talked about it, mostly involving wonderboy and some nasty comments about their relationship, but for the most part I've done very well.

Now she seems to be dragging her feet. She went out again last night, so I know she's not stopping the boyfriend yet, but it doesn't appear that she's eager to get moving. Honestly, my opinion is if she isn't going to stop seeing the guy, get the heck out of the house because it's killing me.

Now, the questions I have are...should I "push" her to get her to leave the house? Should I keep agonizing myself and Plan A my butt off until she makes up her mind one way or the other to stay or leave, as she keeps going out every night with her "pal" as she puts it?

Also, if/when she does leave, does that immediately mean I move to Plan B or do I keep up a Plan A remotely if/when she calls me? I know there are no hard/fast rules here, but I know there's a lot of experience out there that I can tap into.

Plan A vs B is up to you and for you. It is easier to plan B when she is out of the house.

She is bluffing you and if you can handle it, it w/b better to call her bluff. I had to do this after the WS came back and then the recovery went false.

You will find that if she is out there, you won't have to deal with as much pain as when the activities were right in your face.

Are you ready for plan B or just ready to put her out? A solid plan B with a move out is generally more forceful. Has a bigger punch to the A because now she has to have the OP meet all her needs.

Secure your finanaces so she can't pull all your $$ out from under you. Do not assume she won't. She has already proved disloyal to your M, your $$ can go even faster.

Secure your fiannces, housing and family rights (child custody, separation agreement, etc.) . Then put her out, let her know that was her idea. I had to pack my Ws' things several times. The last time, it went out in the front yard without being packed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Your patience for this rudeness will shorten. It should.
It will, when your mind and heart are in sync.


JMHO,
L.

She signed for the apartment today...also got herself a new cell phone outside of our family plan. I basically pushed her on that because our phone bill was $400 last month vs. the normal $60 and she had already gotten nearly 2/3 of our minutes used by this weekend.

She's leaving...I committed some major LBs today. I got upset because she kept saying everything was my fault and I just got tired of her saying that. I tried to apologize, but I think it may have been too late. She can't move in until the 13th at the earliest so I have a couple of days to Plan A and try and recover, but I think a Plan B action will be best when she leaves.

I'm losing faith everytime I talk to her...I give it about a 25% chance of recovory at this point. I still hope and pray, but I think she has just given up and this is the first step to her leaving. I don't know what's going to happen, but it's probably best she leaves, because I was just going to get more angry and bitter with her leaving every night to be with him and not caring a damn bit about me. She still claims there is no PA going on, but still...it's a major EA if there is no PA and I told her, this dork lives with his parents, you're getting your own place with no husband around...you expect me to believe he's not going to be spending every flippin' night over there?! I'm sure I shouldn't have said that...like I said...I committed some LBs today...

This is miserable...I want to tell her how much I'm going to miss her, how much I love her, how much I want this to work out, but it's pointless...she doesn't really give a ****...our anniversary is in the middle of this six month "break" and I keep thinking about that, too...that's going to be one hard night...I've got a couple of months to prepare, but still...

I am looking forward to her leaving, though...it's the best alternative right now if she's not going to stop seeing him...at least I'll have some semblance of peace even if I'm lonely and miss the heck out of her...

I can't believe this is my life...

Do you love the person she has become or the woman you married?

Are you fanilar with plan A and B and are you ready to implement B if needed?

What have you read from this site or books by Dr Harley?

Are you working with a good MC or done phone counseling with Jennifer here @ MB?

You are at a critical point right now and seem to be on the right path but here is where you are really going to need support to keep you on that path. Our vigilence and determination often wanes when we watch our spouses turn into WS' and move out. It is hard on the BS and family. So being prepared and properly supported is critical.

L.

I don't think Plan B is the best bet yet. My take:

You need to set some boundries. To protect your sanity, health and money. These should be part of a plan to keep you going while you really think about what went wrong in your marriage in the first place... what brought things to the point that this kind of situation could even develop in the first place.

Figure out what changes you can make to yourself that will subtley prove to your WW that there is something worth coming back to. Consistency is the key. Plan A your little heart out. Figure out what her deepest Emotional Needs are and focus on meeting them in subtle and consistent ways.

I get the feeling this OM is not a serious, long term threat. The real threat lies within your wife's mind and emotional state. OM is just a tool. And the shiny newness of this tool will wear off.

dewt

get the feeling this OM is not a serious, long term threat. The real threat lies within your wife's mind and emotional state. OM is just a tool. And the shiny newness of this tool will wear off.

I actually agree. That's why I'm really not concentrating on him. My wife has really lost her mind. To answer Orchid's question I certainly do NOT love the person she has become and even if she returns to the marriage, if she remains that person there ain't a chance...

I've identified several items that I have done to really hurt my wife and I have been busting my tail-bone on those items. The thing is, I wasn't happy with myself, either, I just didn't have the motivation or direction or guidance to really change...well, the motivation is there...and the direction and guidance has evolved a great deal over the course of this mess.

I've made some major changes in my life...and they aren't necessarily simply for the intention of getting her back...they are really for me...I can't make her stop her little "adventure" that she's trying to take, but I am most certainly going to take that time to continue to pursue the course I have started...and I'm NOT going to stop living...

We'll see...it's really up to God now...I'll still play my part, but I cannot control how she reacts to anything...

I haven't decided if/when to cut off contact with her when she moves out...I think I may play it by ear...not reach out to her and see if she tries to contact me anytime soon...the way she's been lately I don't know if a Plan B will really be necessary...I doubt if she'll try to contact me anytime soon anyway!!

Well...let the good times begin...yippee-skippee...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Trampled:
<strong> I've identified several items that I have done to really hurt my wife and I have been busting my tail-bone on those items. The thing is, I wasn't happy with myself, either, I just didn't have the motivation or direction or guidance to really change...well, the motivation is there...and the direction and guidance has evolved a great deal over the course of this mess.

I've made some major changes in my life...and they aren't necessarily simply for the intention of getting her back...they are really for me...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bingo. I'm in the same boat. Plugging away, trying to make ME better... We cannot control our waywards, but we do control how we handle this, and grow from it.

dewt

Well...she still hasn't left...hasn't even really started packing yet...she keeps dragging me into arguements even though I'm trying to avoid it and just love her unconditionally until she leaves...

How do you get through this separation crap without believing it's not a "practice divorce"?! That's what it feels like! She's sitting there evaluating what is hers and what she wants to take with her. It certainly feels like a divorce to me...