Some of you have replied to my posts and so forth. I thank you for your help, I don't think I could have made it without many of you. This site has been a refuge for me.

But.... I had a great day!! We took the kids to a neighboring city, saw the sites, ate at a horrible restaurant and laughed at how bad it was. We went shopping at all the places she loves to go. And, I didn't LB about shopping, I actually went and had a good time. It's amazing what going to Hell for 3 months will do to give you a huge dose of reality. I had a really good time. We used to be best friends and could talk about anything.

And, best of all she said to me today that....... "It really feels like we're getting back the way we used to be (years ago). I lit up inside!!!! I think her fears and confusion are beginning to go away and mine are too. It was a day we'll remembed for a while.

Now, before any buzz-killers start replying to rain on my parade; allow me to preempt you. I know we've got a long way to go. I know there will be more ups and downs. But, I also know that I had a great day today with my beautiful wife and nobody can take that away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Its a very good sign that you can have good days like these.....

Word of caution because I have always seen it play out over and over again.....

Often after some of the highest of high moments you experience some big time down moments.

Its pretty common for a couple of good days to be followed by a bad one.

That's why its called the rollercoaster.

Where it starts to kick you in the teeth is when you start feeling safe about the good times then BAM you have a bad day.

But that is progress. First you find out you can have good moments. Then you have more good moments than bad. Then you get so use to the good moments that suddenly a bad day shakes you and makes you doubt. Then just before you truly recover you get mad at a bad day for messing up your record streak of good days.

Okay, you had one good day. How about planning another good day tomorrow? Baby steps, baby steps. You can start building good memories. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

RS

I lit up inside!!!!. Oh my friend, wallow in this feeling. Allow it to renew your spirit. Let it reinforce your commitment that this is what you want with this woman for the rest of your lives.

That which you believe, you can achieve…

I'm happy for you RWS! You needed morale boost and I'm glad you got it. I hope it reinforces all your reasons for hanging in there.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
The next time there's a stumble you can remember today and know good days are possible.

Hang in there and enjoy!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Congrats on reaching a summit in your relationship, though you lost a bit of footing, the summit is still reachable and climable for another day.

Hang on, rest, prepare for the next time edventure, it will get better.

Hope you don't place to high of expectations all at once. Too,much pressure for the both of you all at once.

Savor the moment, aim for reasonable growth, prepare for a few set backs, disappointing is ok. It's the vision, possibilities, the destination of rebuilding a family culture on love, kindness and civility. The old has passed away and new is just beginning.

Sharing in your happiness, the storm clouds will blow over.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Weeeeeeh I'm so happy for you!
Oh yes yes I know about the "bad day" afterwards because you open up and then get scared etc... But when this started happening between my H and myself I KNEW we were getting on the right track again and anything would be possible. Hell I'll take the "bad next day" with it! And guess what.. the good days will remain and those "bad day afters" will disappear <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !!

Way to go, RWS. Enjoy,

GC

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

dewt

RWS,

I second what Brownhair said!

Julie

Way to go RWS!!! Keep looking for ways to show your W that you're working on yourself and I think you'll find that you have more "good days" than "bad ones"....

Semper Fi,
RIF90

RWS: Great news! Stick that in your back pocket for when you need to reassure yourself that this will work. And as believer said, start planning that next great day. Again, great news, thanks for sharing, it provides encouragement for those not as far a long as you.

Alright, I asked for no Buzz-Killers. But, I know this thing is a roller coaster and it stinks, badly. Last night my wife had to go out and get something for church at Walmart at about 10:45. Doesn't sound that far out, but it just sent my mind racing. This is what she used to do, leave me alone in bed and be on the computer w/ OM. I'd wake up alone and this gnawing feeling in my gut. This is most definitely a trigger for me. The longer I laid there the worse it got. I got up upset this morning and didn't do too good. But, beauty thing is, we had our drama and talked and held each other and now we're having a great afternoon. But these triggers are killing me and her. I just can't seem to avoid them. I am not an "Oprah Winfrey" kind of guy and these feelings that I can't seem to shake are really eating at me. I never had this kind of thing before. I used to say feelings are not as valid as logic, I still believe that to a degree, but I do now know that the feelings are real despite the reality. The feelings don't actually change logic and real life, but they color the way we view it. I hate it. I miss being a Klingon, I hate being a Betazoid.
Beam me up, Scotty, this is not a class c planet.

Out!

Hi RWS,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Doesn't sound that far out, but it just sent my mind racing. This is what she used to do, leave me alone in bed and be on the computer w/ OM. I'd wake up alone and this gnawing feeling in my gut. This is most definitely a trigger for me. The longer I laid there the worse it got. I got up upset this morning and didn't do too good. But, beauty thing is, we had our drama and talked and held each other and now we're having a great afternoon. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This was very hard for me to learn to do... I had to learn to let my W know in a loving way, that her action/comment/whatever, caused me pain. I learned to use "I feel..." statements whenever I had a trigger so as not to accuse her or make her defensive.

You are going to have triggers. You don't like them, and I'll bet that your W likes them even less... but you both have to learn how to deal with them. This is what I meant when I said earlier that you have to go THROUGH all of this, not around it...

It sounds like you both did very well. As you both learn to deal with your triggers, I think you'll find that after a while, you'll still have triggers, but they won't be nearly as intense as they are now.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But these triggers are killing me and her. I just can't seem to avoid them. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">... you can't avoid them... you have to deal with them one by one. Your W can really help you if you can learn how to let her know when something is bothering you in a non-threatening way...

Semper Fi,
RIF90