Right now I'm feeling pretty low. I'm even asking God why he did this to me? The OW has her own H, why did she go after mine? etc. I know its not for us to ask why, but to put our trust in the Lord.

I'm trying my best to stay positive and work on myself. I guess I'm over emotional this week, my anniversary is coming up this Thursday. Last year at this time, we were trying to have a baby and he was telling me how much he loves me and how he loves me more and more everyday. Strange way of showing it. This is how I'm treated after fourteen years.

I know the OW malipulated him into having an affair. She has been after him for years, posing as a friend and trying her best to get into out lives. I know he is to blame too, he knows right from wrong. She might have malipulated him but he could have said no. What makes this worse, they think its God's will that they are together. Give me a break.

I have been reading about the BS and how badly the WS treats them. My heart breaks for you. There isn't any contact with my WH so I don't get the threats or mean words/actions. I just feel abandoned and forgotten. How can someone love me so much and then doesn't care how I'm doing or surviving? My WS has left, last time I talked to him was in May and last time I saw him was when I ran into shopping with the OW in March. I don't know what is worse having contact with them or not knowing whats going on.

I do know the only situation I have control over is me. I'm trying not to bring me down. When I get angry or sad, I'm telling myself they are controlling my feelings and to snap out of it.

Its the loneliness that is killing me. I am going out with my in-laws tonight (BTW, my WS lost contact with them) and a friends wedding next weekend. Having two jobs also keeps me busy. It is just the weekends or my days off that I get the blues.

This is always have been a happy time of year for us, and now I'm going to alone for our anniversary. I don't know if he will try to contact me or not. I'm going to be strong, I have already made my mind up that I'm not going have any commincations whith him on that day.

Thanks for listening to me ramble on, I guess sometimes I need a little encouragement to get me through the day.

Going to your friend's wedding will be tough for you .... try to sit with supportive friends, at least one someone who can put his / her arm around you or hold your hand, you'll likely get emotional during the vows, etc.

weddings = huge trigger

are you exercising?
are you eating well?
are you having some fun times?
are you self-pampering?
are you reading books just for pleasure, non relationship books?
might you take a travel trip with a group?

hang in there..... this will get better.

Pep

Listen to pep. I was like you, but got busy - redecorated the house (actually just rearranged), painted, organized, went out with friends, took up kayaking, go fishing with my boys.

I also started a new business, and work a full-time job, do volunteering, exercising, etc. You have to make a good life for yourself. I think he will be back, but no sense sitting around waiting.

Thanks for the encouragement Pep and Believer.

I actually did something for me today. I'm a Strawberry Blonde with long naturally curly hair. I always receive comments about my hair, my WH loves it and strangers come up to me and touch my hair. That freaks me out. Today, I cut it off. I have a nice one length bob. I hear women go short after their husbands leave, but this took courage for me but I needed a change.

With the weight I lost and new hairstyle I feel like a new woman. I'm even thinking going down to Floridia next month to see Tony Robbins.

I want to get back to exercising, maybe start taking my dog out for a walk. She too is suffering. She misses my WH, sometimes at night she starts to howl. I know she also feels my pain.

I wasn't going to wedding at first, but my friend is moving to San Diego after the wedding (we live in NJ), so this will be a chance for me see her before she leaves. My in-laws are also going to wedding. They have been my rock through all of this. Plus other friends will be there. I know it will be tough.

My next step is to redecorate the house. The problem is I'm a lousy painter, but the rest I can handle.

I just get in my moods, I guess that is normal. I'm glad I can just vent here. Thursday is going to be tough follow by the wedding on Saturday.

Am I doing the right thing having no contact on our anniversary?

Yep - have no contact. Then get busy redecorating and exercising. When you start doing things, it raises your self-esteem. Soon your days will be better.