This is the context of an email that WW sent to me tonight. She had promised me the NC letter today and coming over for lunch.

Iknow I said I would spend some time with you this weekend but I just can't bring myself to do it!! I still am not sure if getting back together is the right decision for me. A big part of me still loves you CYMANCA but at this point I don't know if I wouldn't do what I did again. That thought really frightens me to death because I cannot stand to see you this miserable again. You're a decent person CYMANCA you don't deserve to be treated like sh$t and I don't want to be the cause of your unhappiness!! I hope you understand and I'm sorry. I do want us to continue to be on civil terms. I cannot give any more than that at this time. Again I'm sorry!!


Comments, sugggestions, cyanide???

bump

Sorry, but WW is not ready to give up the OM yet. He is likely competing with you. You must try and disrupt their happy little romance, if you can. Exposure is needed if you haven't done that already. Don't give up, my FWW put me through the same steps. Perseverance and patience is needed and, somehow, throw away your pride. If your pride gets in the way, it will be difficult for you take these ongoing blows to your ego, pride and former belief system that your wife will love only you till death do you part.

She simply remains in the fog state yet it sounds like she comes out at different times. Compete for your wife as best you can.

TooSoon,

I agree that the OM is still a huge part of the equation. Read my post from its inception to see what I have done for exposure of the OM. I have been threatened legally if I try anything else( not that I care). Any other sugestions are very welcome.

Cy,
It may be true that your WW isn't ready to give up OM yet. However I also think this amy be her guilt talking to you. Some WS know that the relationship with OP won't work but they don't return bc of the feelings of guilt. Need to let her know that she shouldn't let her feelings of guilt keep her from trying to come back to the marriage.

If she says things like," why would you want me back." Tell her to let you worry about that.

cwmac

cwmac,

In our first counseling session after D day, I outlined exactly that scenario of" why would you want me back". I told her that it was because of my love for her, that human beings make mistakes, and forgiveness is part of the human spirit. I told her to my surprise I could deal with the infidelity but not any more of her lies. That was almost 3 months ago, I hope she remembers my message. Since I am dark, I don't know how to make her aware that I stand by my earlier statements.

Cy, the threat of legal action is bogus. These people are too busy romancin' to follow up on those kinds of threats. They're all bark and no bite. Nor do they have any legal standing. You can say anything you want to anybody you want about your WW and the OM, and as long as it's not demonstrably false, they can't stop you. Fools like to threaten people with scary words like "slander" and "defamation" when they want to be sanctimonius, but their threats are idle ones. If the WW or the OM has lots of money to throw away, they could sic lawyers on you just to cost you money and make you miserable, but otherwise I wouldn't bet on it.

GC

Still waiting to here from more FWW's out there. Please give me your input

bump

I need some help interpreting my WW email. Please FWW's need help

I need some help interpreting my WW email. Please FWW's need help

I need some help interpreting my WW email. Please FWW's need help

<small>[ July 13, 2004, 03:12 PM: Message edited by: robby13 ]</small>

Hey Cy...

I read the message and I think that there are two things going on here:

First, she's still fogged. Until she clearly separates from the OM she is going to remain uncertain as to her future. When I was with the OM I questioned my marriage constantly. I always knew I wanted to be M to my H but the A caused all sorts of unnecessary questions. After establishing NC I came back to the realization that I wanted to be married to my hubby, no doubts, no questions...

Second, the guilt. I can understand her guilt, being there myself. But there comes a point in time where one has to give up the pity party and make a decision for the marriage. If she is for the marriage then the endless guilt has to quit because one can not recover if they keep getting down on themselves. Example, see BV's thread.

I don't know about your situation, are you currently separated? If so, you have to get back under one roof. If you are in plan B however then that might be a different story.

anyhoo - that's my humble opinion...

Chackler,

Yes I am in Plan B, broken only on her contacts with me. I guess that I should interpret the email like you said, it does not necessarily mean much. Actions always speak much louder than words. I am just trying to get that female former WW perspective so I can understand what's going on. She STILL has not made ANY pproperty or settlement demand according to my lawyer. After 3 months he can't believe what has gone on(meaning nothing). To quote him this "is the strangest divorce he has worked on in 30 years". He wants me to initiate the property division but I keep telling him that I am committed to the marriage and will not participate in it's destruction.

She STILL has not made ANY pproperty or settlement demand according to my lawyer. After 3 months he can't believe what has gone on(meaning nothing). To quote him this "is the strangest divorce he has worked on in 30 years".
I would argue with your attorney on this - waiting three months with no action at all is VERY COMMON. It happens to most of us. My WH told me several times he was going to file - I kept expecting him to file any day - but he didn't. There are a lot of reasons - they are still not sure they want the D, they all ready have the OP, so why hurry, they do not have the money to file, or the money for an attorney. their guilt is so strong - they sort of hope you will file so they have a chance to respond.
I don't know your attorney, so I hesitate to sound "judgemental" but the fact is that they are results oriented - once they get started on a case, they want to see it to the finish. If he can get you to file, he can get the paper work started, increase the billable hours, and eventually close your file.
the waiting part is the hardest. But it will work to your favor. Don't let your attorney talk you into anything you aren't ready for.
Read some more of the posts here - and see how long most of these people have been waiting to actually see any action on their WS part.

Womanofffailth5,

My WW DID FILE 3 months ago with a bare minimum of paperwork, just enough to satisfy the California court filing requirement.

What do you think about the email she sent me?