Dear FL,

How are you? Haven't heard from you for a while or seen you on many posts.

Was just concerned about you and how you are getting on?

Please let me know how you are.

Thanks

Kas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

HI BV,

I'm doing fine, thanks for asking.

I have not been posting a ton. I'm just trying to get everything figured out in my head, know what i mean? I would like to keep up with everyone's situations more and to help by posting to others more but it gets so overwhelming for me, at least right now. i hope to be able to give back more when i am feeling more settled internally again. I really like this IC and i do believe we will accomplish a lot but i must admit, it's stirring things up a lot, internally, and the water is looking pretty muddy right about now.

So I guess I was kinda isolating for a bit because of how down i was feeling. It is a bad habit i have when i am feeling down, i close up and hide as best i can inside my hole. and then i just watch the world from inside. I try to at least not isolate at the office but that even gets hard. Unfortunately, I am currently in a group of people i dont know very well and have not worked with for very long. there are a few isolated people that i have known longer but the majority of people i know the best have either retired (taken early retirement when packages were given), have been laid off, or is just in a different area than me. I did reach out to a group i used to play eurche with and was able to play over lunch last thurs. it has been a long time since the four of us played. it was a lot of fun.

The resposes i got when i posted the thread feeling lost helped me a lot. At this point i am working on a note for my H. I am going to post it here when it is done. and I'll be posting more of an update then too.

how about you, how are you doing. i am sorry to say, i'm don't read enough of your posts to truely know what is going on for you. it seems like your biggest struggle is letting go of OM and re-connecting with H, is that right?? what is your H status? is he open arms and willing to work on marriage? do you know if he is struggling inside at all?

if he is open arms and willing to work on marriage, i hope you can see how much of a gift that is BV and not take it too lightly. i hope that is not sounding jugdemental. i just hear of so many BHs that want so badly to work things out but have WWs that are not ready or able.

I really hurt my BH horribly for continueing the A while he was trying to work on marriage. He is not able, right now, to have such open arms and it is very hard <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

and one more thing i thought i should point out... my name here is finally learning, not forever learning, although that seems to apply to me too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear FL, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry I got your name confused. I knew it was Finally Learning, but I seemed to have ‘for ever in my mind’..

I was glad to hear from you and how you have been doing with the IC. I understand that sometimes you are ‘still there’ in the background but feel you need to ‘be on your own ‘ a while..

I know you do that sometimes, and I just like to say hello now and then to see how you are and know you are ok.

It must be hard for you when you are going through what you are, and knowing you have to try to keep ‘focused’ at work.

I remember you said you were doing a note for your H. I wondered how that was going.


You said:
“it seems like your biggest struggle is letting go of OM and re-connecting with H, is that right?? what is your H status? is he open arms and willing to work on marriage? do you know if he is struggling inside at all?”

Yes you are right in this. I know as we have shared before that you said your A wasn’t ‘emotional’ so you didn’t have that in common with me, but your main struggle is in Recovery with your H and his responses?

I am reading Torn Asunder, and realized immediately when I saw it written down, that my A was the stage 2 (entangled A) which, because was very emotionally involved is what the problem is with me.


You asked about my H…
“if he is open arms and willing to work on marriage, i hope you can see how much of a gift that is BV and not take it too lightly. i hope that is not sounding jugdemental. i just hear of so many BHs that want so badly to work things out but have WWs that are not ready or able.

I really hurt my BH horribly for continueing the A while he was trying to work on marriage. He is not able, right now, to have such open arms and it is very hard


FL, I feel so selfish in this. My H is so ‘open armed’ to me as if nothing ever happened. I can’t take it in. I think the main reason is because he had his own opinions on OM for a long time and he firmly believes I was ‘preyed’ upon and was a ‘pre-meditated’ act by OM.

Please take care, and keep in touch. Thanks for your reply. I do appreciate it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Kas