Hi Lost,
First, these are not my words, but believe they are the most cogent explanation I've encountered so far re. Plan "A"...
Plan A is not (repeat not) about making the WS happy, or feeling good.
Plan A is NOT, contrary to popular (and very incorrect opinion), about "making yourself a better person", or "working on yourself".
Plan A is ALL ABOUT the straying spouse. In Willard Harley's ever brilliant words, Plan A is a strategy to end the affair and to entice the straying spouse to reconsider the marrriage.
So, it has several elements that should be done at the same time.
First is to eliminate LBers and to meet needs as best you can...recognizing that the unfaithful mate may not allow the betrayed partner to meet needs.
Second is to CONFRONT the unfaithful partner with what you know. Doing so (of course) in a way that is respectful and about you...how you feel, how you are affected by the affair.
Third is to expose the affair to the scrutiny of the world. The lover's spouse or S/O, coworkers, family, friends, church family, children, etc.
ALL OF THAT IS PLAN A. And it should be done as much as possible simultaneously.
Plan A must have a dealine, it is called Plan "A" because there is a second step...aptly named Plan "B". Willard Harley suggests a max of 6 months for men and 3 months for women before going to the next step. If Plan A doesn't work in that time, it's not going to.
A successful Plan A is the Affair ending, no contact promised and verified, and the couple working a good recovery plan which includes meeting needs, eliminating Love Busters, getting in 15 hours a week of UAT, and most importantly following POJA (Policy of Joint Agreement).
I apologize in advance for not knowing to whom to attribute the above words. However, I found them so profound that I printed them out and made them a permanent part of my copy of SAA.
I hope they help...
<small>[ July 12, 2004, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: Ron53 ]</small>
