thanx zizzy!

I got more confermation that OM dosn't compare tonight!

Still havn't seen his face though, dangit!

in time maybe.......

^

Painter - You are doing so well, hang in there. You are a good man.

Well, if it was me, I'd do a little self-analysis.

1) Is it possible that in the courtship/dating phase, I choose partners whose self-esteem needs constant reassurance that they are attractive to strangers of the opposite sex? Do they show warning signs in dating phase, and I overlook them?

2) Is it possible that I, as a spouse, neglect my spouse in some way that leaves them feeling dissatisfied in the marriage? Have they tried to talk to me about it? Have I listened?

If your soul-searching results in the decision that you've had the bad luck of picking the wrong partners, or that you've neglected your duties in the marriage, then at least you know what actions to take.

I wish you luck.

Garbo,

Yes! Those are questions I've asked myself. I even went so far as to call the X. We have no need for any communication, so she was surprised to hear from me.

She wasn’t much help. She takes all the blame for her actions and insists I was the best thing she’s had in her life. Flattering, but not very revealing.

I don’t deserve what robel (W) did to us, but I am willing to analyze my actions at these times in my life to try not to repeat my neglect.

Oh, and it doesn’t take luck. It takes God’s hand on our lives and my obedience to Him.

You can check w/ lawyers in your state, but around where I live, paternity is legally the husband's. Biology has no legal rights.

As for the reality of raising kids - your REAL father is the man who raises you. That may be your biological father or not.

Oh yeh, It's mine alright! IMHO! I don't care what the neighbors say.

He would be a fool to challange!

^

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> This will be apparent because OM isn’t near as white as me. (of all the men to fool around with) and B) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Painter, what do you mean by this?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I blew off work last week to try to have a confrontation with OM. I didn’t intend on kicking his butt, but I did want him to know my wife is married to a MAN. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Painter, I would not want to confront this man if I were you - it could be devastating on you part. Think about it.

You are indeed a remarkable man for putting up with your wife's constant philandering. She seems like a user. I guess we can't control the people we fall in love with - for she certainly don't deserve your love.

Painter, seriously, you have to sit down and take stock of your situation - do you "really" love her that much? Is she worth it? All the heartache she's put you through? This would seem like a fatal attraction thing - you could kill her or someone else, eventually. What will you tell your children?

Personally, I think you should leave her. No amount of theraphy can fix her, no amount of ranting and raving will calm her down - she has this need to cheat. She will do it again, and again, and again. Hey, you only know about 2, right? How much you have'nt heard about? Think about it. I don't think she loves you that much - she couldn't. It's ok, things happen. Just move on with your children. The position she's put you in is pathetic and vulnerable.

Hezat,

I am Painter's W. You are right, I don't deserve Painter's love. Sometimes we are fortunate enough to get what we don't deserve. I will just have to spend the rest of my life proving to him that I can deserve it.

Robel,

Pay no mind to what Hezat said. If God and Painter didn't feel that you were worthy of their love you wouldn't have them with you right now.

Only those who are in our sitch (OC) will ever truly understand the graciousness of this type of forgiveness.

Cheer up, dear Robel and Painter! You are blessed and blessings to each other.

Robel, you asked about my story on another thread. Here it is, basically:

Kimmy's skinny

((((hugs))))

- Kimmy

Robel,

I am truly sorry if I offended you - I hear the pain in your message.

May Jehovah be with you.

Robel,

I am truly sorry if I offended you - I hear the pain in your message.

May Jehovah be with you always.

Hezat,

It's alright. If one proves themselves to be untrustworthy it is a long road to prove that one can be trusted again. That's part of the price we bring on ourselves when we cheat or are deceptive. I deserve my price, I understand that. I just feel sad that I pulled the my whole family down with me. When we mess up everyone we love pays for it as well. That's the truly sad part.

Painter,,, and Robel,,,

As much as it is clear you 2 love each other have you both sat down and reflected on what and why this truly happened. Painter,,,, you blame yourself,,, do not beat yourself up to bad. Do you have flaws?? Im sure but what did you truly do to contribute to this affair. Robel met this dud at work,, you were not there to interfere. She had sex with him on a night that she asked you to trust her. Maybe you did not give her the affection she wanted, but your post indicate you are a very affectionate man. Did it take your wifes affair to realize this,, no I dont think so. She solely chose to receive it from someone else.
Robel,,, not trying to bash you,, you and my wife are the same. I just thank God my wife could not have any more children she got fixed after our second. Nonetheless you and her were dooped by another man. My wife has expressed all of the guilt feelings but those feelings are all vented feelings. Reflect also on yourself,,, why are you married what fullfillment do you receive from being married. Do you feel you are the type of person who loves the security of marriage, but still want to live a single life. My wife was asked all of these questions by our counselor.
Your husband loves you so much so be fair to him.
Do you want a strong life long marriage with this man. This is twice he has felt your weakness I dont think he can deal with a third. Hopefully your answer is yes. It is real easy to say it but if you truly want it then show it. Dont let all of this hurt be for nothing. Commit to your family set your goals in your marriage and work to achieving these goals.
Me and my wife have sat and talked these things over. We both know our marriage cannot withstand another affair. We have been together since high school and married shortly after her graduation. She did not experience much without me, and that was the reason why she enjoyed going out with her best friend. But she has to make a choice Marriage and family or the night life. Which one wieghs more to what you truly want out of life.
You have a husband who has more than proved his devotion for you,, is he perfect? Not at all, he is the man you loved so much that you took an oath before God to love, honor, and cherish,, "foresaking all others" until death do you part. Rebuild your marriage and live up to your oath, not by telling him you will live up to it,, but BY SHOWING HIM for the rest of your lives.
I wish you the best,

hezat,

I see you met my wife.

She really is remorseful and we have both had a part in the mess we’re in. She is the wrongest, but my job is to hold my household together the best way I can.

“This will be apparent because OM isn’t near as white as me.” Means if she is carrying his child, friends and family will know it because I am of Norwegian descent, and OM is Hawaiian.

“(of all the men to fool around with)” Is my smart-a55 comical way of suggesting that if she fools around, it should be with a white guy at least!

To your next point, I probably don’t want to confront OM this time. He likely wouldn’t offer an apology to me or say anything else worth hearing.

The earlier EA I wrote of (6 years ago) was with a mutual HS acquaintance. I knew his name and face. I called him and told him to have no contact with my wife until she made a decision. Then I asked her to make that decision. (Him or Me) He apologized and backed off; she chose me and our boys. I later went to our pastor and asked him to meet with myself and OM and forgave him for what nearly happened. We aren’t great pals, but when we bump into each other in town or on a jobsite, we can exchange greetings ok.

This time, I have a name, address, vehicle description of OM, but no face. I could be standing behind him at a store and not know it. I have decided this won’t do. I will seek him out eventually. I don’t want to meet him or introduce myself, but I have to have a face for the name.

I do love my wife! I have seen the warning signs and know what to do if there is ever a next time. (she seems to have a 6 yr cycle, I’ll watch us closely in 2010)

I do a lot of tongue-in-cheek and am a smart-a55. It’s a kind of defense mechanism. Don’t take me seriously all the time!

You’re right I only know of 2 times, but have you tried running a house with 4 children? The laundry alone is enough to keep her out of trouble! I know what my W is up to most of the time. I beat myself up over this one because I was just getting ready to tell her I didn’t want her going out with her friends anymore. I was a couple o’ weeks too late.

Anyway, thanx for your concern. I get a little something out of all these replies, whether they’re on the mark or not.

<small>[ July 29, 2004, 11:23 PM: Message edited by: Painter ]</small>

eric,

Thanx for the words.

Painter,
I have spent a great deal of time and prayer wondering about my eventual meeting with the OW. (I live in a fairly small town and I know it will happen eventually.) I don't know if this will help you but it has helped me. Know that (a) the OP knows what he/she has done and (b) that one day a power greater than you or I will judge them for the choices they made. In my case, the OW is married and has children and it is only through my grace (and the Lord's) that her family is not in shambles as mine is, and she knows that. God be with you, I'll be praying for you.

Well, we don’t have to post in Pregnancy/Child anymore. We’ve moved solidly into the In recovery category.

Robel miscarried today. I’m not sure I want to celebrate. I feel guilty at the relief I feel. Not Robel though. She’s extremely relieved! No 9 months of hell for her! She can concentrate on school (and her family).

I can’t help thinking of OM left dangling. He will likely never know the outcome of his actions. Hopefully it will make him think twice before he beds down the next girl. (who am I kiddin’?)

This is also why we didn’t tell many people. There’s fewer to un-tell about PG.