i do have it in my power to greatly encourage him to not want to call me ever again. i have not sent a strong enough msg and i have to face the fact that that means I am hanging on still. it might be a small amount but i am. I will correct that flaw in me!!!

This is the strongest message you can send OM....

Give your H OM's phone number.... and when there is attempted contact...

tell your H

and have your H call OM to discuss the contact...

I guarantee the contact WILL END......

We did this .... OW did not appreciate Mr. Pep telling his wife about each phone call.... I'd call OW ~and~ then I would call her husband... I do understand in your situation OM is not married, but if he has a girlfriend, call her.

If you did what I propose, you accomplish 2 things...

1. You WILL have NC from OM.... take that to the bank.

2. You will give your H a sense empowerment in his own marriage. Which will BUILD the trust.... something your marriage desperately needs. (and it's what you claim you want.... do you have the integrity to follow through?)

Pep

FL:

You are NOT responsible for getting the OM 2 not want 2 contact you! You ARE responsible for letting go of him, utterly, which requires that you NOT try 2 get him 2 get the point, or ANY point.

Why, in the name of Cripes, have you NOT changed your phone number, or blocked the OM's number from calling you?

The only way 2 get him out of your mind is get him out of your life. Let your H help you do that if you need 2.

-ol' 2long

i know this may disappoint many of you and that saddens me because all of you that have helped me so much mean a lot to me and i must admit, i like the idea of you all being proud of me and my choices.

JL, i often figure you stay away from posting to me these days because you are giving up hope on me and don't want to waste you time on someone who is not proving BY ACTIONS that she is 100% committed to do the right things.

pep, i also hate to disappoint you and not take your very good advice. my cowardness may prove to be the harder path as it does not allow the possiblitiy of using this as an opportunity for growing trust although i am sure it accomplished the NC forever goal.

i spoke very briefly to OM. Very short and to the point. I told him i was very commited to my marriage, that to love my H is a decision i have made and all my actions will now reflect that decision. I told him I know I have been just as guilty to initiating contact but that the last time i did it i swore to myself if i did it again i would tell my H. and now i am telling him the same, if he ever calls me again, i will tell my H and i will give my H his number. he said you certainly are not going to need to give H his number. its not like he is physically threatening towards me. i cut him off and said, i'm just telling you, this has to 100% and forever stop. he said ok, thanked me for the call and promised to never contact me again. as i said bye, he started to say good luck and i just hung up.

2long, you made the comment, when ever there is contact... you start all over. i don't think i am starting all over but i am certainly experiencing very painful feelings right now. i accept these feelings are consequences to the poor choices i have made and i know they will fade, hopefully quickly.

so that is my update.

i will discuss this more with IC, i will get past this addiction.

denovo, i agree with you, this is only one step back and i have made many steps forward.

rose, thank you for sharing and for your advice to never forget the pain of d-day. i do go back and read past posts occasionally. i think reading the posts from right after d-day is a very good thing for me to do today. i will after i am done posting. and then i will pray some more, something i am glad i have finally really learned to do.

.

pep, i also hate to disappoint you and not take your very good advice. my cowardness may prove to be the harder path as it does not allow the possiblitiy of using this as an opportunity for growing trust although i am sure it accomplished the NC forever goal.

FL, I am a little confused....

I don't feel disappointed by anything you do. I don't post to you in order to feel good about myself, nor do I expect anyone to do what I say.... I post my opinions. That's all. Take 'em or leave 'em. Makes no nevermind to me.

I wonder what kind of marriage you desire?

Imagine yourself in a marriage that is based on teamwork between two equally yolked adults. Adults with equal power in the marriage.

Problems arise in this marriage , and you face the problems ~together~ a bonified dynamic duo.

I have wondered something about you FL .... you seem a very strong woman... and very self-directed. Did you pick a weak man to marry in order to maintain your position of superior strength? Is this why you don't trust your husband to help you out when you are in trouble .... you leave him out of the loop ..... Why.... is he weak?

Why is your husband treated as another one of your children?

Pep

ok, i won't worry about disappointing you. i do appreciate your opinions.

i'm not trying to treat him as a child. and no, i do not see him as weak. but i do see him as harsh. very black and white, he doesn't see the gray area in anything. and he is not someone i am comfortable asking for help from, unless he is the cause of the problem, he typically does not think he needs to be part of the solution.

last night, when we talked (i have not been able to post on this yet, very busy work day!!) he made the stmt to me (once again). "i see NO reason why I should have to do anything in this marraige that I don't want to do" i was very proud of myself, how i handled it. i wish i had time to tell the whole story... it started sunday morning and in my eyes is now concluded with last night's discussion. i handled myself in a very healthy way, at least i thought so, i did not allow myself to react to feelings of hurt and rejection and back down and just get sad. i'm really tired of playing that role.

i calmly repeated myself that this is how these actions of your are impacting me. i agreed he didn't have to do anything with that information but i felt it was my job to inform him. i told him eventually he would have to decide if he is truely in this marriage or not as i didn't think he is conciously making any commitment in either direction. and that once he decides, if that decsion is that he is in, then it IS his responsiblity to hear how things impact me and to care and to talk about it until we both feel we have been heard and we can come to some conclusion that works for us both, even if the conclusion is that we disagree on this particular subject.

he said some mean things at times, and when i felt myself wanting to react i stopped and said a pray of forgiveness to him. i remember roman giving this advice or maybe it was in a book i read. to forgive is a powerful thing and by choosing to forgive i didn't have to get stuck in hurt feelings.

the conversation ended abruptly. when we went to bed there was NO WAY i was going to cry myself to sleep. i was not going to let myself get caught up in my own feelings. the bottomline is, H is hurting. he is a good man, he is just hurting. so instead i offered him a back rub, to get my mind off myself and on to some loving action.

FL,

No I have not given up on you. But, I saw no need to post to you and others were saying very useful things to you. Do you know why I felt no need? These are your decisions, you have to figure out if they are right or wrong. Had you asked: Should I contact OM? I would have replay and it would have been short: NO!

But, you did not ask and that is fine. You know it was wrong so I don't need to point that out to you either. Finally, a lot of what I wanted to say is embodied in Pep's post to you.

I am waiting for you to decide if you are in or your are out. This really is NOT about your H, but really about you being unhappy with your life or unhappy with something in it.

I thought Pep's question was profound, if your H is so weak, why did you marry him. I don't think he is, he worked for two years with little encouragement from you to rebuild the marriage and his reward??? You know what he got.

Even now he has not left you, but I think you need to tell him you and OM spoke. He needs the truth now so he can make his decisions. But, really it is not his decisions that you need to worry about but yours.

Do you know what you are looking for in life? It is time to figure that out. If it is the "easy life" then you are out of luck. If it is fulfilment, then you can get that. If it is love, your H offered and you refused. Now he is not certain if he should make the offer again. He has reasons for concern.

FL, I and others will continue to try and help, but what you have to decide is what you need help with and how. Then we can help or at least offer opinions. Your H is not a hero, but he was willing to do some very hard things for two years. He finds out about your A, and he doesn't leave, he doesn't commit to staying either, but he is there.

So think about things, if you have questions let us know. Frankly this is all only a problem for as long as you want to play with it. When you get tired of this problem you will do one of two things: 1. Solve the problem or 2. Walk away from it.

Time for some honesty, and some thinking.

God Bless,

JL

FL:

"2long, you made the comment, when ever there is contact... you start all over. i don't think i am starting all over but i am certainly experiencing very painful feelings right now. i accept these feelings are consequences to the poor choices i have made and i know they will fade, hopefully quickly."

Okay, maybe it's not S2uare 1, but it ain't a whole lot farther along than, say, s2uare 1.00034227098 ! Experiencing very painful feelings RIGHT NOW, so long after D-day (and the first "promise" of NC) does sound a lot like starting all over again. Sure, you've said you're not going 2 contact OM again, and he says he'll respect that, but 2 do it you contacted him yet again... ...worse, you've not told your H, you've not asked him 2 help you tell NC 2 OM, and you don't respect him enough 2 do more than 2nd-guess whether he'd care (about you, contact, or the M) if he knew.

Like Pep said, I don't feel disappointed either. You're not letting me down. I'm just some rocket scientist out there using a made-up name 2 post on a marriagebuilders forum. I could disappear 2morrow! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

*{POOF}*
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

FL,

Your struggles remind me of myself, and I wonder if you are like me in that not only am I capable of becoming addicted, I’m also very stubborn! I have to learn everything the hard way, and it sounds like that might be the case with you sometimes. I mention this because I want you to know you're not alone, and you're not the only one who ever made bad decisions.

I’m familiar with the “very painful feelings” you wrote that you’re experiencing right now, and I just wanted to send some encouragement your way. The incident where Jesus told the woman to “go and sin no more” is a good one to keep remembering. There have been plenty of times when I’ve looked back at choices I made during my A, and I’ve wished so desperately that I could go back in time and make good choices instead of bad ones. I suspect that you have those moments also.

Well, we can’t go back and change the past, but we can think of every day as a new chance to make good choices NOW. That way, a few months from now, or even years from now, we won’t have to look back on today and think, “Oh, if I only had a chance to go back and make the right choice.” We won’t have to feel the pain and regret that you’ve been feeling the past few days about your renewed contact. Instead, we can feel happy and thankful for the good choices we made, and for the chance to do so!

Hang in there FL. You can overcome this, and you will be o.k. You’re in my prayers. God bless.

Rose55

<small>[ July 13, 2004, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: Rose55 ]</small>

FL – I think you need to stop thinking about contact with OM as YOUR business and YOUR problem. This contact is a direct attack on your H and he really needs to know about it, in order to protect himself, especially since you seem to be more interested in protecting yourself and OM.

There is absolutely no point in either of you trying to rebuild your marriage, when the lies and deceit continue to prevail. It’s like building a house on sand. A lot of hard work, that will crumble down on you eventually.

I’m sorry if I come across as harsh, but I have just discovered renewed contact yet again. D-day was 8 months ago and we’ve had several false recoveries since Christmas. I really thought the last 2 months had been real, as the NC letter was sent and H seemed to actually be falling in love with me again. I have been jumping through hoops for months trying to get our marriage back on track and I am devastated.

It makes me crazy that contact has not once been confessed to me and I’ve had to find out each time. This time I am spent. I’m done trying and I’m not interested in any more promises. Until I am shown, not told, that H is in the fight 110%, that is when I will decide if I have anything more to give.

TELL YOUR HUSBAND. Allow him to make decisions about his own life, not based on what you decide he needs to know. If you are lucky, he may just feel a little more secure, knowing that you are willing to confess. Let him know you are not dealing with this as you should and that you need his help. It will show him that you really mean business. Ask him what he needs you to do and do it. You clearly can’t do this alone and neither should you. It’s his life too.

Was that a 2x4? I don’t see myself as a 2x4 kind of person, so I hope I’ve not been too judgemental!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am waiting for you to decide if you are in or your are out. This really is NOT about your H, but really about you being unhappy with your life or unhappy with something in it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i may not be perfect, nor do i think i ever will be but YES i am commited to this marriage. and i am also trying VERY HARD to change my behaviour so that my H has no choice but to change his behaviour towards me. did you see the post i wrote before yours JL? you did not comment on that. i was very proud of how i acted. I did NOT get myself all wrapped up in my hurt feelings and therefore unable to make a positive impact. I DID remember that my H is hurting and therefore i forgave him on the spot (literaly) for hurtful things he said to me. the talking didn't go great BUT i think the way i acted did have impact on H, even though he didn't say so.

this morning, he woke me up as he left for golf and kissed me on the lips. (this is after he sat there 2 nights ago and told me he has no vested interest in getting pass the kissing thing because he just doesn't like to kiss, it is high school behaviour, and me wanting to kiss does not matter to him, those are quotes)

i don't think H is weak, i don't believe i ever said he was. yes he worked hard on keeping this marriage together, you say with little encouragement from me. i still maintain, i didn't check out as much as you probably think i did. A was a crutch, yes i had emotions in it (obviously) but not the type that had me wishing i was married to that person instead. it was an escape hatch, a safe haven at times. i am sure i still don't 100% exactly understand what it was to me. our relationship has been messed up for a very long time. i am not looking for the easy life, i do want to be a good wife and be in a loving marriage, raise my kids to be happy people.

the help i seek is to continue to surround myself with people commited to strong marriages and strong faith, to get advice on strategies to relate in a healthy way. seeing the hard work others have done, the forgiveness they extend everyday in the face of their struggles, this is why i continue to read/post here. i hope to post the note to my H sometime today, i definitley would like to get feedback on that before i share it.

i am not perfect but i AM TRYING my best!!!

rose, thanks for the encouragement, i am curious, did you confess everytime you slipped??

horizon, i didn't mean to ignore your post. i appreciate your sharing. i am sorry for the struggles that you are still facing. i am prayfully considering tell H about the contact that has occured since d-day. i will be discussing it at IC today too. i guess in my heart i know you guys are right and i'm figuring tonight i'll have to be having that talk. mostly i want to be able to hold my head up high and be proud of my actions, irregardless of what happens around me. thanks again for sharing.

Thanks for responding FL. I’ve been thinking about this and I’m not sure I got my point across effectively.

The thing is, had my H confessed about the first slip, I’m pretty sure it would have been the last.

(a) I would have been given the opportunity to protect myself by taking some matters into my own hands by further exposure and/or contacting OW myself.

(b) I would finally believe that my H was more interested in protecting me than her.

(c) Despite being upset, I would have been proud of my H for telling me the truth and therefore much more likely to believe him the future.

When she contacted him again it was a test, an opportunity to do the right thing. He failed and I have paid for it. It would have meant so much to me to have H confess, instead of all these discoveries.

Please try and look at this as your opportunity to do right from this day forward. You can and will be proud of your actions. Perhaps your H will be proud too. I know I would have been. Resolve to be that person you are aspiring to, no matter the consequences.

Today my H’s OW received another, much stronger NC letter. It was sent through her parents, along with a letter from me to them, informing them of ongoing contact. OW just called H at work. He told her never to do that again and hung up. He then called me and told me.

While I’m not yet ready to continue the fight (I’m still stunned and completely floored by the latest revelation), I’ll let you into a secret. I’m so, so proud of him for telling me and for showing that he is not afraid to stand up for me. He has taken the first steps to prove to me that I’m number one. I won’t tell him that yet though.

Please remember my secret when you’re dealing with the fallout from your honesty. Perhaps your H will have the same secret while he waits for you to pass even more tests. You can do this FL. I can already see my H standing taller for doing these things for us. He’s acquiring a real good attitude for ‘operation marriage’ and I can see his pride returning before my eyes.

You will stand taller too. Shake off the guilt and shame, you must be so tired of it. Be that righteous woman. You are strong and you can do it.

Good luck FL!

Dear FL,

Am sorry I haven't got back to you yet as I said I would.

Have been infected with a computer virus (not me the computer!!)

I thought I had sorted it but it's still not right. Therefore I haven't been able to post much today.

The typing keyboard is just haywire and not reacting.

I have been reading all your posts with what you are struggling with.

Am having a sort of crisis/breakthrough starting point with H in that he posted JL last night (you may have read it).

It is bringing up issues and truths within our M that we never have addressed (and probably never would have done).

In myself I am 'still me'..This mixed up and foggy FWW who misses contact with OM.

I don't believe OM will contact me though for the following reasons:

1. 'Higher authority' laid it down the line

2. I feel he is just 'glad' I am gone out of his life.

3. He never would have chosen for me to 'confess' to H & especially higher authority, but as I did he can now move on without worrying about me, and is glad H has taken me back and not 'left' me as that would have put him in a very 'sticky' situation.

Am not bitter. Just sad at OM's handling of this situation once I had confessed.

Don't want to talk about it though as it makes me sad.

Sad because I 'believed' all OM said to me. I mean ...really believed.

I got totally involved in the EA, before phys.

I am now in a total mess trying to sort out a Recovery with my H.

Emotional side of the after effects of A is destroying me.

My only hope and comfort in this is having you guys over there posting me and giving me your advice.

You perhaps are like me. We can't see a starting point in our marriage recovery. Or we can see it but don't know how to begin to respond to it.

My H is different to yours yet I still have so many issues that need to be addressed.

Please let me know how your IC goes.

Am praying for you much.

I know am not much help to you because I am so mixed up myself.

I do know that I care how you are and that you are in my thoughts and prayers in this.

Kas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

FL - I'm proud that you've taken the steps, no matter how hard or scary, to rid yourself of the OM. I understand how you feel about your husband, he probably doesn't like to show the emotions and the attention that you crave. I think a lot of men are that way because they don't like to show weakness. My husband is the same. I'm glad that you've gotten to the point of focusing on your marriage and are taking steps to repair yourself. I think that's a really good start for you. Goodluck & I hope things work out for you.

FL and BV:

BV, I don't know much of your story (these threads get a bit long, don't they!), but I wanted 2 comment 2 both of you on some epiphany I had recently.

For a bit of background:
Me - BH (51)
W - FWW (49)
M'd 28 yrs
WD - 25 (engaged!) (W stands for "wonderful")
SS - 17 (first S stands for "splendid")
EA/PA started - about 13 years ago, on and off for past 13 years
D-day - 1-18-2002
Sometime around late April - "temporary" NC agreement.

As for my epiphany. There's 3 aspects of the A that my W and I have 2 overcome:
1) the deceit
2) the emotional attachment outside the M
3) the physical intimacy outside the M.

I believe my W when she told me 2 months after D-day that she would promise 2 be sexually faithful 2 me from then on. I also believe that she's still emotionally "involved" (missing him at this point, but contact could resume like it did in your sitches - it has several times already when it was "unnecessary"). And I KNOW she doesn't share my views on secrecy, privacy, truthfulness and honesty as distinct terms with very different meanings.

She believes that the physical intimacy is the thing that hurt me the most. Initially, right after D-day, I thought it was, 2. But the emotional intimacy was really the thing that hurt most... ...or so I thought for maybe 2 more years!

I realized just last week that, in absolute truth, the DECEIT is BY FAR the most painful thing for me 2 overcome about my W's A. She doesn't believe in "lies of omission". Why, because it seems so clear 2 most of us (or does it?)? As Pink Floyd said: "all in all it's just another brick in the wall." It is. It's the cornerstone of this particular wall that's protecting her from facing the consequences of the choices she made all those years ago. It's also likely 2 be the last bastion of defense against facing those consequences.

The PA was easy for her 2 "give up." I suspect it probably is for most women, because they usually "give in" 2 it because they're afraid of losing a "friend" (EA), and men tend 2 make sex so important 2 a relationship (and, besides, it's "fun", and the stakes aren't so high for men as they are for women). And it's probably the first area where the OM shows his "true colors."

The EA is a lot harder for her 2 give up, but I believe she's working on it (she's not had contact for 4 months, if I'm right). And we "know" here on MB that withdrawl just takes time, even if it does take a long time.

But for the deceit 2 go away and stay away will take 2th of us a lot of hard work and concessions (vulnerabilities). I have 2 make it safe for her 2 be able 2 tell me anything and everything, and she has 2 decide that secrecy and privacy are very different things, and choose 2 give up the secrecy that's protecting her (falsely) from the consequences. 2 do that, she'll also have 2 trust that *I* will not use her vulnerabilities against her 2 tear her down. I can see how hard this is for her, and so I'm doing my best 2 show her that I care about her and would do nothing intentionally 2 hurt her. "Pink", in "The Wall", couldn't do that, and those "close" 2 him didn't really care about HIM, and nobody really unders2d how his wall got so high - so when it was destroyed, there was noone there 2 nur2re him, and he went nuts.

...well, I don't want 2 imply that I anticipate the looney bin for one or 2th of us at the end of this. I DO want 2 point out how long it's taken me 2 have this particular epiphany - and that's at the "end" of a LONG process (30 months now) of working hard 2 understand all this. It will take you both a long time as well. AND, it will take your H's a long time, 2.

The most worthwhile things in life (integrity, ethics, morality, honesty, compassion, empathy) do take a lot of work and concentration, though. That's been my consolation through this time. Remember, the journey is for YOUR benefit, because you have 2 make the choice yourself 2 take it and stay on the path.

Your Hs will have 2 make their own choices, but when you think about it, it's reassuring 2 realize that inactivity isn't a viable option. Their lives (like mine) have been irrevocably changed. That should evoke growth rather than stagnation. They'd have 2 be pretty empty individuals 2 "choose" stagnation over growth.

I believe you'll be fine.
-ol' 2long

FL,

No I did not see your post before mine. But, I think you are missing something I am trying to tell you. It is clear you are getting it together. It is also clear you are making some mistakes, including contacting OM. You know it is wrong, so there is no need for me to address this.

Your H is coming around and clearly your talk with him last night had some affect. FL GOT KISSED, FL GOT KISSED. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So what is it you need help with???

You won't believe this FL, but sometimes I am quiet because I have nothing useful to say. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Sometimes I am quiet because the other posters are dead on in my opinion and saying things far better than I can.

Rarely do I just give up, and when I do, I say so.

Keep working FL, things are changing.

God Bless,

JL

FL,

No, I did not confess to my H every time I slipped up. I was afraid to – afraid of my H’s anger (which would have been justified anger) and afraid of losing my M. Also, though, it would have meant my giving up “control” of deciding whether or not to maintain contact with FOM! It’s such a miserably awful state of mind to be in, isn’t it? Every time I made contact, though, I would have horrible guilt and anxiety. I finally realized that wasn’t how I wanted to live my life, or who I wanted to be.

Contact continued for several months after my H thought it had stopped. I always meant to tell him so that there would be no more lies between us, but I thought I’d wait until we were maybe 90 years old or something. Lol. I didn’t really intend to wait that long, but like I said, I was afraid.

Finally, several months after my real NC letter to FOM, I started feeling convicted about it, prayed about it, and thought it was the right time to tell my H. I thought enough time had passed that his reaction wouldn’t be too bad, but, boy, was I wrong! What I’m ashamed of now is that I really didn’t accept what contact meant to my H. To me, the additional e-mails mostly meant trying to remain “friends” with FOM. I was still foggy, believing that was a possibility.

It took me a LONG time to come out of the fog. I hated that about myself, I was confused, and I really fought it. Finally my H got through to me that the continued contact was the same as having an A. To him, it was like the A continued months longer than he believed.

I tried to argue with him that he was wrong, because it didn’t feel like a continuation of the A to me, but suddenly a light finally went off in my selfish brain. What it felt like to me was not the issue. The only thing that was important was that I listen to my H and understand what it felt like to HIM. At that point, I determined that I would start to really try to put my H’s feelings first.

I am so blessed that my H stayed with me (I really thought he was going to leave after the confession of renewed contact) and is allowing me to show him that I mean it when I say I love him. Of course, I continue to pray for direction, asking God to show me what to do. God is good, and He is also creative! It can be fun thinking of ways to love my H (in actions, not just words or feelings).

What it comes down to, I believe, is the good old Golden Rule. Treat others the way you would like to be treated, which almost sounds selfish, but I don't mean that we treat people well so that they'll treat us well. I mean that it's easy to figure out how to treat people if we think of how we would like to be treated.

I’m certainly not saying that everything is perfect or that I’m perfect. What I really believe is that God is perfect and hasn’t deserted us.

Hope this helps in some way. I also hope you have a good session with your IC today.

Sincerely,

Rose55

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: Rose55 ]</small>

i have read everyone's responses, thanks to you all. i was at my MIL's this morning putting up wallpaper. my son and i went and then he and my MIL went to McDonalds to play bingo while i worked in the bathroom. for some reason wallpapering that bathroom makes me think of my FIL (who died 5 yrs ago). i miss him still, what a great guy he was.

anyway that is not the point of this post. the point is somewhere in the middle of the night i must have decided i needed to clear the closet again, i don't want to lose even one piece of my integrity again. i have been working too hard on getting back. my stomach has been anxious all morning. i am at home now, waiting for H to get here so i can take off for work. but before i go i'm going to sit him down and tell him about all the contact that has happened since d-day.

i am wondering where he is though. i have not heard from him all morning, he left for golf very early. he was supposed to pick up daughter and her friend from school at 12:25 (45 min ago!) i just got back from taking a ride out to the school to see if she was there. no sign of either of them. guess i will take a quick shower while i wait. anyway, if anyone see this... i sure would appreciate a pray for us right about now.

I’m so glad you’re going to do it FL. It’s the right thing for both of you. A secret will always come between you and now you will be able to move forward as a woman of substance.

Be prepared to do whatever your H needs you to. Perhaps you can get a NC letter written ASAP and show him you really want this recovery. When my H started procrastinating about this, I was ready to give up completely. This is your big chance!

Let us know how you get on. I’ll be thinking of you both.