Dday was 4 months ago and been Plan A ever since.

Last week, WH took trip by himself out of town for business. He asked if I mind, I did not LB him, but I did not tell him it hurt. Since it was the holiday, I also went out of town by myself without telling him beforehand. He called me and I volunteered that I took a trip. He was surprised that left by myself and asked me all kinds of questions about my trip later. During his trip, I was never able to reach him directly by cell phone. He extended his trip by a day and returned on Wednesday.

On Thursday, he took another short trip--we talked and he was suppose to return by 7 pm. I tried to reach him by cell phone and was never able to connect with him directly. I took myself to the movies and called him and let him know that I would out of cell range. He said two important things on this day--1) he thinks this thing (meaning our M) can work. 2) he wanted to spend the week alone and not have contact with me (to see if he missed me)

On Friday, he was going to take another trip to a friend's wedding. I asked earlier if I could go and he refused. I asked again if I could go and again he refused. This time, I did tell him that "it hurt". He left on Friday and on Saturday, I left for small trip nearby. When he called that evening, I asked him about his trip and I did not volunteer info.

On Sunday, I was feeling alot of anger and resentment about waiting by the phone like some teenager on a Saturday night so I did not turn on my cell until the afternoon. Also I hate Sundays because the OW calls him on Sunday to find out how he is. (NC letter was sent, but contact continues.)

Unfortunately, he came home early and was tried to call me. He was upset when he could not reach me and found out that I was not home. To make matters worst, I did not bring my wedding ring which he found. When I finally got ahold of him in the afternoon, he was really mad. Where were you? Who were you with? Why didn't you have your cell on? What if something happened to me? You should show me COURTESY for letting me know where you are and have your cell on. I came home and I was going to give you SF (which is unusal for him during the day). It is okay with me if you have an A.

I tried to reexpress my interest in being together on trips and working on our M. I took responsibility for my carelessness with the cell phone and ring and give him reassurance that I was alone. I told him he could check; I have nothing to hide. He said he was not that interested. He also asked why I didn't call him. I stated that it is difficult to walk the delicate balance between what he says and what he means. Sometimes I call him and I am smothering him. This time I did not call him because I reminded him of his "want to be alone statement."

This turned out to be a major LB and I am confused and sad. I hate the "double standard." I guess I was too ellusive and careless. I would welcome any feedback on where to go from here. Thanks to all.

Your WH is manipulating you. He has a double standard. Hope you will continue to enjoy your life, whether or not he likes it.

this is perfect example of...

a ws using insanity to deflect the real issue of their actions...and the direct consequances and potential realities of them having an affair....

it is INSANE....

for him to attempt to accuse you of not caring if you don't turn on your cell phone....while he is in active contact with an OP while married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it is INSANE

for him to tell you that you are not welcomed or invited to go to a wedding....were you INVITED as well because any wedding invitations that have appeared in my mail box for the past 13 years included me and my husband....

He was upset when he could not reach me and found out that I was not home.

boo hoo boo hoooo hooooo!!!!
cry me a river...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

What if something happened to me?

oh pumpkin if something happened to you I would have felt horrible...I am so glad that you are well and safe"
"Did you remember to pack sunscreen?"
"Was the wedding cake good?"....batt eyes here...

Where were you?
"pumpkin I was out...you didn't make it clear to me that you wanted to know about me...."

Why didn't you have your cell on?

"didn't I?? "oh my"

I came home and I was going to give you SF
'that's sweet of you.....Did you bring me a piece of cake also? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> "

It is okay with me if you have an A.

"pumpkin I would never have an affair...I'm married...that would be creul"

and this...this is YOUR fog talking here...

I took responsibility for my carelessness with the cell phone and ring and give him reassurance that I was alone.

bull-pucky....

don't you dare...
you say...
"honey I am sorry I didn't really realize it wasn't on..
I honestly didn't even think you were trying to talk to me...."

He also asked why I didn't call him
answer him with this question..

DID YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

you lay this all back on HIS lap..
this is HIS doing
this is HIS reality of HIS actions....
don't you dare go belly up...

WS think it's a LB to expect them not to have girlfriend while married...INSANITY!!!!!!!!!!!

there is a big big big humungous difference between real lbs and alien fog speaking perception of LBs


He's pissy because you have done NOTHING wrong and he knows it...
what is wrong is being mean to your spouse telling them they can not (like a child) come on a trip...and the hyprocrisy of him attending a WEDDING is laughable........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so he makes you the bad one
you the bad guy...
you the WRONG one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

what in GODS name did you do...except fill your time with something...

he wants you home.
moping
pining
waiting...

suresurviror I can't believe how crazy this makes me...

do you SEE it????????????????????????????

I guess I was too ellusive and careless.

oh god you did nothing wrong.....

don't you DARE DARE DARE defend yourself..
you babble back..

i was here and i was there...

tell him

" I didn't realize you were interested in knowing what I was doing....thank you...honey that's sweet...

babble babble babble babble babble...

he's a fog induced alient speaking fruitcake right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ARK

<small>[ July 12, 2004, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>

Thanks to Believer and Ark for reading the long post and giving me your insight. I felt crazy and upset all day. After reading your messages, I calm down. Thanks for that.

If things continue like this (contact and no recovery plan), I will probably go to Plan B within the next month or two. My fear, like many, is it will be a clean break for both of us since no kids and I won't want him back since I capable of being on my own. Do I still love him? Somewhere in my heart there is a little box with love still in it....a rainy day love bank?

Thanks again for your comments--they really helped. God bless you and all others in this struggle.

Honey...change your phone numbers and go have some fun.

Ever hear of a thing called projecting?
He sounds like a master at it.

He's projecting his faults and ifidelity onto you. He is creating a scenerio in his mind, where YOU are the one being unfaithful, in order to in some twisted way, justify his own actions in his messed up little mind.

Let her have him.
You're worth more than this crap. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

SS: Somewhere in my heart there is a little box with love still in it

JR: That's a really important thing... if you do plan on going into Plan B, do so with a *little* left in the bank... the idea will be to let the rest seep away more *slowly* than it is now, with him saying idiotic things and all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I've heard it all before, too... think of him as being an alien abductee... with moose brain worms.

Thanks to all for your insight...it is very helpful in a time I keep like I am going crazy and running out of energy.

I tried to go to bed early tonight. I said good night to WH--he said he was going out for coffee. I could not sleep and went out for a drive. I drove up the street and called him on the cell--asked what he was doing. He said driving around listening to the radio. The idiot (please excuse the name calling) was parked up the street where he talks to OW. I drove right past him and he did not know. I told him that NC was very important to our recovery if we were going to have a chance and non-negiotiable. I also said that honesty was very important....and he said okay...and I said...so did you make contact? And he came clean and said OW had just called. More name calling...cake-eater.

Time to take little box of leftover love deposits into Plan B. Thanks again to all and take care of yourself.

That's exactly where I'm at...sorry your going thru this. I don't know what to suggest except take care of yourself. I feel it may be time to go dark, but I could be wrong.

Hang on to yourself, try not to let your WS drag you down.

Thanks Family Matters,

I think you are right...time to go dark. Haven't done this in awhile, but just checked WH cell phone and there was call to a female name on July 4th at 9:56 pm. Another bad sign.

This is quite a predicament that we are all in. I do feel I am in the good company of many fine folks here....people helping other people. That story does not make the front page of the newspaper, but kindness and compassion exist here...and that is a comfort. Thanks to all.