"..all the ways in which OM could never compete with him....number one and most obvious....the kids. They are our greatest accomplishment and biggest investment together. Who but my own husband could love them more? Not OM. This lifestyle we created together...it's one that suits us both. OM never had the opportunity to spend years and years showing me in a thousand small ways that he loves and cares for me and would stick by me for better or worse. My husband had already done that....OM could not compete. I could not compete with OM's wife in that regard, either.

As I talked, I realized what love REALLY is....and I found that the passion I was seeking, the "feelings" thing, wasn't what I really WANTED, and that what I WANTED, I ALREADY HAD!! I let go of that need for "feelings" and saw that he was always "loving" me and I was always "loving" him, definitely not perfectly by any means, but the intentions were always there. You know what else, BV? As I thought about what to say to you, I realized that whatever feelings I had for OM....I remember them, but oddly enough, I DO NOT MISS THEM!!! I hadn't even realized this. Why do I not miss that? Because it can't give you the kind of security and comleteness you really want....

Julie, you just put into words exactly, EXACTLY, how I feel. Thank you.

Jenny

Jenny,

If you and Onlywords could finally convince BV of this it would do her a world of good. I just hope that someday she comes to realize these things, she will be a lot happier for it.

Must go. Take care.

JL

I know JL, if we only could convince BV but remember all the stuff I spouted when I firt came on here....

I could also add to Onlyword's post. I am struggling in my new job with a very difficult person and the support I am getting from Rob you just couldn't get anywhere else. He lets me rant, moan, whine, and then he gives me wonderful, sensible advice and confidence in myself.

Last thing he said to me this morning before we left for work was "go get 'im kid, I know you can do it." Awwwwww.

Jenny

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And that YOUNG LADY is what love and marriage is all about. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God Bless,

JL

I know, cool isn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I was thinking, that's what Plan A is all about too. It's not being a doormat or having no boundaries it's just about letting the other person know that, as Dr Phil says, you are their soft place to fall. And, by crikey (as we say here in kiwiland <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) it works both ways.

Jenny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words of support...I do hope BV will finally see the light, but it takes admitting you were TERRIBLY wrong about what you thought a good marriage should be like and TERRIBLY wrong to think another person was the answer. That, as I'm sure you all know, is the bottom line. As I said to my husband last evening, " Do you know how HARD it is to admit that? Might as well just admit it and get it over with!" It's a humbling experience, to be sure...but the end result is PEACE!

Thanks again,
Julie

Julie, I wonder if you would tell RH that one of the things he said on here was a real lightbulb moment for me and helped me incredibly.

It was when he said that when spending time together you should treat it just the same as the time you spend with your friends. No big deal stuff, just enjoying their company.

That struck such a chord with me. I thought about the time I spend with friends, just hanging out, chatting and enjoying their company, not thinking constantly, you are my friend and you are a wonderful person, just being in the moment.

Jenny

KiWiJ: I don't remember saying anything like that, but if you remember it then chances are that I did. Glad I could help you!

That is one of the great things about this forum. Sometimes, it's just the little things that come out that are so helpful.

Sometimes I think it would be really neat to meet all these folks here, but that would probably ruin it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take Care,
Rich