Ok, I hope everyone can get the point that i'm tryin to make.. this is long.. and I no I'm not the wisest one here, but I hope others can understand how I'm trying to deal with things...
Seven Years ago, I was about 90lbs overweight and had been for about 5 years. I knew I was overweight without anyone having to tell me. In my mind, I knew that I had to do something about it... yet i kept delaying it.
During the 5 years with me being overweight, I had tried most of the popular diets.. Including Weight Watchers, Permanent Weight Control, Slim Fast, and a few others. While I was able to drop 5 or 10lbs, I always put it back on within a few months. I remember plenty of days when I would sneak to a fast food resturant for a hurried "quick" bite. I remember thinking, no one has to know.. it'll just be my secret. The funny thing is that, although, no one ever really caught me sneaking food.. they did know.. because the evidence was written all over my body... I was so disgusted with my weight and body that I rarely looked in a mirror, I never really faced myself. I hated shopping or doing anything that involved social gatherings. I was ashamed of me.. big time!
One day (almost 7 1/2 years ago), I woke up and decided enough was enough. I hated this body and truly made my mind up to do something about it. I told no one what I was attempting to do, shared with no one my goal. I started day one as if the other times I tried truly didn't matter, that day was the first day of my new life, my thinner life. Day one, I took notice to everything that I put in my mouth... allowing nothing that I thought would deter my goal to enter. I ended the first day with great success. Day two, again, I treated in the very same manner and yet again I was successful. I would never allow myself to think that I wanted to loose 100lbs or anything like that. I just prayed that I would make it through each day as it came. I prayed at first that God would allow me to loose 5lbs... a measly 5lbs.. that's all I wanted to loose. I purchased nutrition books and read up on food facts.
At the end of week one, I had lost 10lbs, a whole 10lbs (most of it water weight um sure)... While I was still over 200lbs, I was so proud of myself. I knew I had a long way to go and never let anyone side track me. With each passing week, I would weigh myself and while the weight I lost never reach that first week of 10lbs, I was still happy with the 1-2 lbs lost. When a week would pass and I only lost 1 1/2 lbs... I would say.. well loosing 1 1/2 lbs is better than gaining it. I remember I would pass up on sweets and think that life was unfair, because I thought that because I passed on something, I should get xtra bonus points for not allowing myself to indulge (lol).
As the days rolled up into weeks and the weeks rolled up into months, I held stedfast to my new way of life. I was so committed to a new body and new me that no way would i fall off track. Pretty soon, people started noticing. And pretty soon, I had to start purchasing new cloths... When I first started I was wearing a size 20 (staring at a 22), by the 2nd month I was in a size 16. My goal was to get to a 12 and be happy. Then a friend recommended that I join them at the gym in our office. Once I did that, boy did I start noticing things changing and I felt damn good about it. By the end of the 8th month, I was down to a size 10 and still loosing.
Why, you might be asking yourself, is this relevant to Marriage Builders???? For some reason, in my mind, I think that my method of loosing weight and the strategy for getting over OM/OW is the same. While I was still involved with OM, I didn't think I could live without him (my obsession with food was the same). I never allowed myself to be seen with OM (same with food). I would constantly try to loose weight and fail (many false no contacts with other man). I knew that over-eating was bad for me, yet I indulged (same with other man). Although I knew that my addiction to food was not healthy, I continued until I decided that I had enough and that I was tired of not being able to face myself in the mirror ....
Anyway, long post, thank you if you've gotten this far. But can you see the similariates?
