Do you remember the story of Grizzly Adams? The guy who got into trouble in regular life and was accused of a crime he didn't commit and was driven into the mountains. He lived up there with his companion Ben the bear in his little cabin. Last night it came to me in yet one more failed attempt to meaningfully communicate with my FWW, that I am Grizzly Adams. Now hang on, I have a point, stick with me.

My W's A lasted a very short time and was far more EA than PA. But, she says that she had these feelings of drifting away from me for a long time. That I was harsh to her and LB a lot. True. It was like I was asleep, I didn't see the pain I was causing. But, there was plenty of blame to go around. Tons of needs of my own never came close to being met. I would lash out in my own hurt. It was this merry go round of pain and hurt where we just learned to cohabitate in relative peace. We just learned to live with it. I don't know maybe it went on so long it felt normal. I just thought that "this is as good as it's going to get, just learn to live with it." I'm sure she felt the same way.

But, then there was a new ingredient thrown into the mix. Then out of the blue comes the A. She did this thing and now she's sorry and now all hell is broken loose in our M. Now here comes the Grizzly Adams part>>> She's not talking to me, she talks about regular everyday stuff, but not about us, fixing the problems that were there before the A. Her LB and my Lb... nothing like that. She says she can't get over the fears that there's too much damage done to fix it, or that I won't change, or that it's going to go back to the way it was. She's afraid of everything! So, what does she do to me... sends me into a Grizzly Adams type life. A life of solitude, not having real communication. Living in a perverbial cabin in the mountains with no one to really talk to. I need a friend, I need someone to talk to, I can actually see where I would be vunerable to an A myself right now. That's the last thing I want or need in my life, but dang! I'm sick of this virtual solitude with my wife being right next to me. When is she going to let me out of the cabin and join the rest of civilization again.

It's a catch 22. In order to keep my M. is to go through silence and lonlieness. How much longer will this go on?

Any FWS offer any assistance here?

I'm tired of being Grizzly Adams.

Out!

Hi Grizzly, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Why don't you write her a letter pretty much expressing what you have here. Heck, include the Grizzly Adams analogy as well. Tell her what you feel and why you feel it.

I might also like to add that I think you should fully and enthusiastically agree with your W about your old marriage...too much damage has been done to get it back and... YOU are very happy about that. Then propose that the two of you sit down and work to build a marriage that you both enjoy, like, and that nurishes you both. All it will take is two kind hearts (you both have them), some serious communications, and a willingness to love.

In someways you might express that she has done you a favor, because you were not having much fun in that marriage either and you can see a new one with her could be one you would really enjoy having.

The King is dead. Long live the King.


Think about it.

God Bless,

JL