Was a rough week last week. and the weekend was a disaster but Sunday went better and yesterday was soso.

She aggreed to switch to a christian based counseler which was great news for me yesterday.

I am trying my best to be strong but its hard. I am trying to be her best friend thats easy. Im still torn up inside everyday that she is just gonna leave or that even this move to a Ch MC may be just to appease me.
I went to church for the first time Sunday in a long time and i sware it was divine intervention cause the pastors sermon was on Marriage and Divorce. I spoke to the pastor afterwards and cried on his shoulder. I think the emotional toll finally caught up with me. He talked with me and gave me support. I went home that day with a light heart and i guess it showed cause even after the ugliness of the fight Sat Night she was warm to me warmer then she has been.

I pulled a LB yesterday morning but i think i had too. My wife has been leaning on this guy at work talking to him about her feelings. This guy said he has been telling her to stay and work on the marriage. But in the same breath says you have a good woman there ad infinitum flattery. So what are his motives is he really saying the truth. I asked my wife to stop calling him. I checked her cell phone bill - on days she would say i got to go im only on a short lunch he calls to him would be 30 mins after hanging up with me. She read him the letter she wrote me explaining the reasons she wanted out all the hurts she has felt over 10 years. she got through the first three hurts and told her to stop reading. He was shocked by it. and told me yesterday on the phone that up til then he was telling her to stay now he said WHY the hell did you to her ( BIG blow to my efforts ) and when i told him to stop contacting her he said if she calls im not gonna ignore her. Peaved me off so i told him something that happened during the fight and my wife came home and said she talked to him and that i told him X i was like THAT is not what i said. she got peaved so i went and mowed the lawn. Came back in she asked me to rub her feet i did and scratch her legs i did. then she started to break out in hives. She blamed me i siad i washed my hands before coming in so maybe its something else - she replied later it was probably her nerves she says they are on edge.

This morning went good took the kids to summer day camp came to work. Called her to let her know some stuff about the facility. I asked her how she was feeling she said still itchy. I asked her to call me at lunch. lets see if she does.

Any ideas how to handle this friend of hers from this point on. Since i made the NO CONTACT request to both of them. to me i just see him as being an emotional affair and to me its just as bad. He is going through a separation now also.

BTW Sat night the kids heard the fight and my 11 year old said if we cant stay together as a fammily he doesnt want to live -- I was Heart Crushed. My wife started to berate me to him and telling him well didnt you father do this or that and all he kept yelling was HE's NOT DOING IT NOW. Hes a better dad then ever. She stormed out of the house to go to work early after that leaving me with two upset children. i got them settled and we all fell asleep. The associate pastor took my son who was still in emotional turmoil into his office to chat and he came out much happier which was good.

sorry for the all overness here im not good at essays

Your W is definatley having an EA with this man. She may not even realize it.

Is there any way for her to transfer or find a different job?

Is there anyway to contact the counselor and have the counselor talk to her about her "talks" with this man?

Keep a good eye on your son. My daughter was 10 at the time of my H's A and she also felt suicidal because my H let her know things he should have NEVER talked to her about.

Your W is destroying her relationship with your son by dragging him into your arguments. Earning the respect back from your children is the hardest thing to do. My daughter is still working on it....3 years down the road.

wow, this guy is serious trouble! How do you know he is separated? Have you spoken to his W to verify this?

He is separated thats common knowledge. We see the new counsellor this week. He works at an office 1.5 hours away. They used to work together. he got transfered they kept in touch. they talk via phone. Like i said i told him to back off and he said are you gonna tell every guy that comes into contact with her to back off (he is justifying i think)i am gonna talk to the MC about it when we go tell her my feelings on it that it is an emotional affair to me. I had one 9 years ago i know. Hers seems to be support based mine was other. Like i said in my original post i was not a good husband at all but i am willing to do what it takes to keep this marriage together and on the right track just hope she can turn her emotions to me back on.