I've come to this:

Sometimes we are called to do the hard things that need to be done.

I've been playing around these last few months because of fear, folks. I fear my W's disleasure, my friends judgement and my own failure. I want so badly to be liked, that I am not respected or appreciated. The never-ending giver, the perpetual doormat. I created these conditions for myself and cannot blame others for taking advantage of it.

ENOUGH. Time to grow up. I have two beautiful sons. They are my joy and life's muses. They are not my purpose, but they are my responsibility. I too, have a Wife, as wayward as they come. She has hurt me inincalculable ways. She is, however, also my friend. One should act to protect friends, when you can. These important people in my life deserve me at my best, acting with Truth and in Love.

I am going to do something, then, that is very hard to do; I'm going to stand up and fight this divorce and the madness surronding it. I will speak the truth and force this to trial. I will face those who think I"m crazy or obsessed and IGNORE THEM. I will accept that my W's rejection and anger are small prices to pay for our boys living a fog free childhood. If the OM continues to invade my life and directly threaten me and mine, I will break him down--to his very last compund. I will my friends,stand for my family.

I wish I had the Faith (and the stones) that ForverHers has. I wish the wisdom and patience of Ark & Orchid where mine to draw from. But alas, I must do this, supported, but alone. It's my life, indeed.

If I don't do this my world would be a grey tableau of might've beens. I must then, take the step for what I know is right and trust, finally trust, that God is truly in control.

pray for me...

mediation July 15, 2004 (the campaign begins!)

<small>[ July 13, 2004, 03:48 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

it's all about doing what we can, when we can, for as long as we can w/God's help.

continued prayers to you, RR

It's the "long as we can" that is the rub, isn't it.

yes, you're right and it's almost like i HAVE to outlast them (WS/OW), you know what i mean? I have to be the strong one in this and in doing what i can, when i can, as long as i can, etc. will the OW really be able to last as long as i can? of course that remains to be seen but it does seem doubtful according to the majority. hence, the need to use time to my favor.

hey just noticed your signature line again and when you say "Restarted PA/EA Feb '03
WW Filed for D May '03" do you actually mean 2004?
just an observation.

stay the course and keep the faith, prayers to you.

EA/PA restarted this year 2004. Thanks for the heads up. We'll outlast 'em.

<small>[ July 13, 2004, 04:11 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

My W is so relaxed right now with me. she is joking hanging out and calm. She's like this b/c she thinks that the D will be done by next week. When she discovers that nothing has changed about my position except my determination, she will implode.

How do you simultaniously act in a loving and supportive way to a person at home and break their back in the court? I guess that's where L"s come in. We're going to a b-day party for my BIL'd fiancee tommorow night. This will be after mediation and the 'hammer drop' I can handle it but can my W, her brother (a L who though friendly w/me is funding his sisters efforts), or his fiancee (my W 'new best friend' who wants nothing to 'mess up [her] place in this family')? For me business as usual at home.

Pray for strength (me) and clarity (her).

I don't know if you are familiar w/some of the Christian programs available but I've been listening to the Bott radio network which has programs on it 24/7. it has programs on it by Dr. James dobson, Dr. charles stanley, Dr. david jeremiah, etc. anyway, one of the programs on this network is "insight for living" by Dr. chuck swindoll. his lessons for quite some time have been on "Job: a man of heroic enduance." they have been a tremendous help and comfort for me during this time and i think it might do the same for you. the bott radio network is not available everywhere but you can go to their website bottradionetwork.com and listen online. this is dr. swindoll's website http://www.insight.org and you can listen to the broadcasts that way or purchase the tapes. unfortunately the messages on Job are at out of stock right now.

just wanted to share that with you. i don't listen to any music anymore, haven't probably since april. it just got to be too painful, any and every song just made me sad in one way or another. so i listen to the bott radio network anytime i'm driving and all day at work. i prefer listening to the programs over Christian music as well. i save that for church <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> there are many wonderful programs on the bott radio network but just thought the series on Job may be more of what you needed now. a lot of the BS's feel a lot like Job now and then, or even most of the time.

keep doing what you can, don't let everyone (those outside MB and your L) "know" what you're plans are and keep bringing it to the Lord, prayers to you, RR

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 08:26 AM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Thanks RR:

I'm listening to Insight Living right now. I appreciate the reference. It's about Job and what happened after the end of the story...Often we see truths in front of us, but we cannot really 'get it' for ourselves, execpt through experience.

My W said something so ironic yesterday it made me laugh aloud. She said to her sister that one can be happy if one chooses to be and that she should be happy with her lot.

My SIL happens to work for my W. She resigned, but my w rejected the resignation because "I'm not happy." wasn't a 'strong enough reason for leaving a job'. But it's strong enough to destroy a family? ABSURD. It's amazing how her rather facile mind works for everyone else, but she's blind to her own actions and thoughts. This must be why it's called the fog...

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Dleigh -

You are sounding really good lately. You are using your pain in the way that God intended, which is to grow and become a better person. Good for you! ...and keep it up. You are going to come out on the other side of this a much better, stronger, happier person with a great personality. Give thanks for this oppurtunity to grow and for the added bonus of increasing your ability to love...whether it be your wife, your kids, your friends or yourself (or a new love).

Good for you!

Weaver

Thanks W. I'm talking to Steve H. right now and he is infusing me with SO much hope. Thanks for the encouragement!

make sure and let us know how the session goes and what SH had to say. i'm sure you will you're so diligent about everything else <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

prayers to you, RR

Steve is the Best!

He said that I must sell the happiness part of the marriage. I must imply (no 2x4's, please) that I have disoovered some resources that suggest that there are ways that we ALL can be happy. I should downplay the "right thing to do" argument b/c she's totally interested in feeling good and happy.

He reviewed my plan and thought it was solid. His advice "stay the course and don't change your swing mid-game." He told me to expect the strongest of responses from my W. He said that when she gets pressured enough, a small window will open. That's when I invite her to talk to him or someone with a similar approach. Let the experts do their job, while I continue to be a fellow searcher for happiness.

The OM? Steve thinks that the exposure will make him run like an old stocking. But recovery, as you know, will take a long time....

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 02:46 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

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My W's capacity to disrespect me is astonishing. She becomes with each day, more and more self centered. She does not regard any need but her own, anything than what pleases her. Classic WS. But when you have to live with it, it wears on you.

Any responses to selfish, insensitive comments that wouldn't be LB's?

<small>[ July 16, 2004, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

Try to smile. I can't imagine your WW being more selfserving than mine is now. But you have to do it for the kids. My WW tells me how horrible I am 3+ times each day, and tells me to move out. I agree with her on everything, except the moving part. It does no good to point out anything or disagree.

Tonight I'm working, my WW will probably spend all night on the phone or computer with OM. Unless he is busy. My WW is never to busy for him, she sleeps with the phone under her pillow so she is available for him whenever he wants her. Meanwhile, he is actually living his life. WW is the typical sit by the phone waiting for a call.

Tommorrow I'll get home and, when she gets up, proabably around noon. She'll treat me like dirt. If she is home at all.

But something I'm realizing is that her treating me like dirt is not as new as I thought it was. She just didn't do it day in and day out. Usually she only did it 3-4 times a week.

Probably didn't help you out but maybe you took solace in the fact you have company in your misery. I admire you for your efforts. I have given mine up. Not the effort to improve myself, but the effort to restore this M.

WW's. Crazy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

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