I've been meaning to ask this question for ages. Are there any FWS's out there who insisted on using protection during A sex? If so, was it the thought of disease or the thought of pregnancy that motivated you? From all I've read here, using protection seems about as likely as thinking of how hurtful you were being to your spouse, by having sex with someone else. It seems that unprotected sex, goes with the territory of risk taking and breaking all the rules, and that thinking about anything intelligent during an A isn't part of the deal? So, anyone at all who actually thought about and acted on "protection"?

anyname - From what I've read here, most WS's do not use protection. I don't know why, but they don't.

Gee Anyname, what a question.

But definitely one that needs answering.

The answer is no protection. No worry of pregnancy (vasectomy of OM) and I asked if there was any likelihood of catching anything. He said he'd had recent insurance exams for everything, also he had been monogamous for 30 years. I still believe this for reasons you and I have discussed quite heatedly on another thread ie his total lack of experience.

I know, I know, don't even go there about stupidity <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> but you did ask.

Actually I'll tell you why I didn't as well. If he'd said well, yes I've slept with about half a dozen women before you came along, chances of me ever purusing the A would have been zilch. And I mean that.

Jenny

<small>[ July 13, 2004, 10:10 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

::::Actually I'll tell you why I didn't as well. If he'd said well, yes I've slept with about half a dozen women before you came along, chances of me ever purusing the A would have been zilch. And I mean that.

Dear Jen, The above statement is the equivelent of "there's honour amongst thieves". I am laughing at/with you, but you surely get my drift yeah?

Oh, and btw, I wasn't questioning anyone's stupidity re not using protection. It's a given! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Btw J, did you know that the ONLY reason women have pap smears is because of the papiloma (sp?) virus which is spread sexually. If you don't have genital warts you won't get cervical cancer. End of story. You catch papiloma virus from your sexual partner if he's caught it from someone else. Trusting your OM to tell you the truth is very risky. He's proven himself a liar by his behavior towards his wife/family. Though another question comes to mind. Will an OM or OW be truthful to their A partner and at the same time be lying to the S? I know of at least one lie my FWH told his OW. So guess it's likely that WS's lie to one and all, once in an A situation.

believer: Yes I think the lack of thought about protection is tied in with the whole mindset of unfaithful. I am going to be surprised if any one at all comes forward with their hand in the air! Some BS's might claim their WS did use protection, but even then I'm wondering whether that's what actually happened.

Anyname, I know what you mean about honour among thieves. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm really talking about the mindset during an A, not when cold hard reality slaps you in the face.

H and I discussed this at some length. He just didn't get it either, you sleep with someone who's a known liar, that's a given, then you believe every piece of crap he tells you.

It's very like the teenage mindset of girls who like to believe "it just happened because we were so overcome in the moment." Which, as we all know, is absolute garbage.

How did H like NZ?

Jen

anyname

I don't know how to do quotes but I believe your statement "If you don't have genital warts you won't get cervical cancer" is incorrect.

I have done some research on this subject and from what I understand HPV is responsible for 80% of cervical cancers. If you have some documentation proving this incorrect I would be interested in reading it as this subject hits close to home.

For the record my WH and his OW no protection.

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 12:43 AM: Message edited by: limbojenn ]</small>

Yes I used protection! Having an affair was stupid, selfish, and thoughtless...Thank God I used protection! The idea of having the OM's baby is a nightmare I can't even imagine. Just having an affair was damaging enough to everyone involved. While I was wrapped up in the the addiction of the affair I wasn't thinking, but somehow the thought of unprotected sex with the OM, was still unquestionable. OM felt the same way as I did. Unprotected sex was just out of the question. Call me crazy (I know I am), but unprotected sex with anyone other than your spouse could be a death sentence in more ways than one. Unprotected sex is more intimate, in my opinion as well. Just a few thoughts.

My WW had a ONS affair and did not use protection. We both have genital herpes now, for which there is no cure.

My A was before our marriage but did the damage non the less. The first time think I did, I had just gotten on the pill but I honestly don't recall for sure. The second time I didn't at first but made sure to use one after the first encounter. After both times I made sure to be tested for STDs.

WH says no sex with OW but started using condoms with me when his A started.

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 02:42 AM: Message edited by: GoodByeMe ]</small>

OM and my WW have used protection only some of the time, I'm told. But not all the time. I wonder if the fact that OM's W is pregnant had anything to do with it. Maybe WW thought she might achieve the same status as OM's W if she got knocked up. Or maybe she was just so caught up in the excitement... big dummy.

GC

:::I have done some research on this subject and from what I understand HPV is responsible for 80% of cervical cancers. If you have some documentation proving this incorrect I would be interested in reading it as this subject hits close to home.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/...amp;dopt=Abstract&list_uids=15086278

Sites like Pub Med present conflicting results. My comment was influenced by a medical researcher who I have a great deal of respect for. She told me that genital warts were the sole cause of cervical cancer in women. As I find her general medical knowledge to be formidable, I was pursuaded to believe her without proof. However a quick check of the "evidence" suggests it's a little more complicated - but not much more!

Also came across a paper about anal cancer, which is also highly associated with Papilloma virus, in both men and women. It's a mean virus!

I came across one paper that mentioned the 80% rate. What needs to be considered is that 80% association is a very high association. And research being what it is, there is still room for error that the actual figure might be higher. Research is always complicated by other factors - however if each patient is biopsied and found to have Papilloma virus then the research results should be accurate.

For myself, I was confident of my position regarding cervical cancer - and not having regular pap smears - until I learned that my partner of 30 yrs was involved with OW. It was at that moment that I questioned my situation.

Sorry for any misleading comments - but I'm sure you know that regular check ups will keep you ahead of illness if you have been affected by genital warts. (feel sorry for me who's got strong family history of breast cancer and poorly understood risk factors!)

regards
an

Let me tell you that I recently had to be tested for STD because my WW didn't use protection. She may have exposed me to all kinds of nasty things. I felt about an inch tall when I asked my doctor for the tests. How could they not think of the others in their lives when they were doing this. I don't have the results yet and have had no sysptoms but some of this sh** doesn't show sysmptoms. I am angry as hell about it.

:::My WW had a ONS affair and did not use protection. We both have genital herpes now, for which there is no cure.

mfisher, Hardly know what to say to you. I presume that medical science is trying to find treatments to lessen the effects of this awful problem. Your W must feel absolutely desolute.

:-(

My WW did not use any protection. The OM was a cruise-ship employee -- no telling how many women he bedded. When I learned of all this 7 years after the fact, I insisted my W be tested. I honestly figured that, after 7 years, there would be nothing. But...I had to to sure. I can't say I felt one ounce of "sorry" that she had to tell the nurse why she was there because she not only brought it on herself -- she also put my life in danger for 7 years. God help her had she given me a disease that went unchecked for 7 years!

No "protection" used.

Ex-OW and I discussed this beforehand. We'd both been in monogamous relationships for years and we were both "fixed"

We trusted each other because we believed we loved each other.

Low

May W is in an A right now and doesn't use protection. What makes this absurd is that she is a PYSICIAN!! She tells folks everyday about the dangers of unprotected sex, yet has it w/ OM with impinity. How do I know? Guess who hust paid for an STD test/treatment on his insurance? ABSURD! BTW, this dud has OW and my W won't beleive it (what more proof does she need?). Affairs but us ALL at risk.

H and OW didn’t use protection and he was sleeping with me at the same time. The first time he slept with me after her I got a very bad dose of cystitis and have had the same problem since. Should I be worried about this?

H says he has been tested for STD’s as part of other medical tests he was undergoing at the time and he has not slept with OW since.

Should I be tested anyway, even if he is clear? I know nothing about STD’s and I’ve been so wrapped up in everything else I’ve hardly thought about it.

anyname,

(sorry not a WS here, but)
Unfortunately, my W and her "boss" did not use ANY protection. NOT once.

He told her at their 2nd encounter (first intercourse) that he was "clean" and didn't have anything she could catch.
HELLO! He is sooooo trustworthy...WHY???
Because HE SAID SO??

This is from 2 health care "professionals".
I mean ALL (100%) of the sex took place in one of 2 hospitals.
I've been at both. I've seen the posters and pamphlets promoting the message of "safe sex".
Guess this advise is only for the masses, not the "healers". I mean Come ON!

W also claimed that she trusted that he was only sleeping with his wife, besides her.
She believed he was safe as he was married.
Again, you believe a known liar Cause.......................

Well, my W was in for a shock when she found out that her OM was also cheating on Her with another fellow employee and friend. (This gal was single).
So it ends up that I was sleeping with any and all guys this young attractive single woman was. WTF?

Ever heard that if they'll cheat WITH you, then they will cheat ON You??
Foolish, foolish woman (shakes his head).

Another sore spot, (ooh, maybe not the best word on this thread) is that my W had me wear condoms for 3+ years (she had a reaction to the pill).
So it OK for ME to use them.
However, her OM's pleasure is more important to her then my life and my children's future welfare. Pleeaase.

Another thing that pisses me off, is that just the "threat" of aids and other STD's has been a factor in my staying faithful. NOT the main reason, but a factor nonetheless.
I was conditioned (as was she) coming of age in the early 80's that these things are real.

Lastly, The embarrassment at having to ask my family Dr. for orders to get STD tested still makes me angry.
Get this: He implied when asking Why I needed this done, was I the one "cheating"?
NOW that is Insult to Injury!
Talk about your AWKWARD moments as I tried to find a way to nicely convey the fact that my "loving" W had been bopping her boss with no protection for the last 2 years.
Couldn't find a tactful way, so I just fumbled and mumbled out the facts.
He gave me the prescription, really quick. And then got the heck out of the room.
(Wish I could have).

And I don't give a D*MN to have anyone tell me about the fantasy and just not thinking while in an A.
IMO They sure found enough brain cells to use to come up with all the lies and deception, so don't tell me that they weren't thinking about consequences (like getting caught).

Also Don't try to sell me the whole "they just weren't thinking line".
They sure were thinking about ME , when the lies and the cover stories were being dreamt up.
It just boils down to the fact that they are selfish people and didn't give a d*mn except about their own pleasure at the moment.

Bottom line is they could have used protection and STILL had all the sex, all the fun, and all the excitement of the A (while keeping the unsuspecting parties in this safe.)
But we just aren't important enough.

Think this may be a point of contention for me....YA Think?
Just hadn't thought about it in quite a while. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

In any case your thread and hopefulinnc's, have made me realize that its been more then a year since I was tested.
As some "bugs" can lie dormant, its time to go and get tested again.
OH boy what Fun! Just can't wait to do that again! (extreme sarcasm, in case it didn't come through)

Any way, it is important.......so thanks for the reminder guys.
Later

My WH did not use protection. OW has IUD, supposedly. Still, duh?!?!?!

He told me he thought "our M was over...you told me if I ever cheated you wouldn't take me back..." So, I guess he really doesn't care about his own health regardless of the known risks of unprotected sex.

Lo and behold, we both got tested and were neg, thank the stars. WH and I still boink in Plan A. I am allergic to latex, so condoms are not an option. WH suddenly wants a vasectomy...or even better, castration (I swear, his words!), so that he wouldn't care about sex at all! OMG, get out the goggles, we're in the fog here!

My WH comments are - How do you know what I did in that hotel room??? Did you see me F@@@ her? I didn't F@@@ her - I never bought "rubbers"...so I'm supposed to believe that when he's lied and denied everything I've confronted him with..All of a sudden he's going to give me a straight answer...ha,hahah..

Ok - what about the other 3 women (that I know of) you have been with over the past year??? That you will not admit too..Sorry, I don't believe him for a minute - he is so selfish that he probably feels since he's been "fixed" that's his biggest worry..and these women that bed him only cheat with him..Hell, what about their H if their marriage is so lousy that they are cheating - where are their H's while they are rolling around with mine...DUMB, DUMB....just because my H doesn't have sex with me - doesn't mean his OP's don't have sex with their H, BF, casual acquaintences......If it was that easy for my H to get them to bed aren't they just easy anyway you look at it???? Hmmm, so how many people is my WH actually sleeping with???

One of these days I'm gonna have the nerve to call all these women and let them know that they ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE AND I'M NOT A THREAT TO THEM...THEY ARE NOT COMPEATING WITH ME - BUT THEY DO HAVE COMPETITION....HAHAHHA...