</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Trampled:
<strong> You may be right in a way. I know I have screwed up. Thanks for making me feel even worse then I already do. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Do you need me to fudge the numbers? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

L.

No, Orchid, not you, I was referring to StillHereMakingIt's chastizing. Which wasn't mean, I know, but I'm just in such a messed up state right now.

Mortarman, is there an easy way to filter on your threads?

Thanks all by the way. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. She called yesterday and left a very cold sounding message asking to stop by and pick up more stuff. I'm tired of being a storage locker for her. I'm not in town, though (never bothered to tell her I was leaving, what's the point, she doesn't care). I simply called her back, she didn't answer her cell, and left her a very short message saying I wasn't going to be home tonight.

Will this never end?

trampled...

I am going to suggest you mix things up a little...but the bottom rule/line is that you continue on the straight and narrow...

when your wife calls to make ask to come get something...you in plan a are pleasant and nice...
and try to make it work.....

WHEN she comes to get something you greet her pleasantly and perhaps even offer her something to take she perhaps wasn't thinking of....

:dear I pulled out that old Steely Dan Cd you like...(I like anyone who gives me a steelydan cd... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

did I mention you look great....smell interesting....(smell sensory is the brains hugest memory trigger)
use that to your advantage...go back to an old cologne you used to wear....make not mention or deal about it....but it will trigger her neurons...

and then act like you have some where to go....
go go go..
or better yet go go go go somewhere...

so you leave her there wondering where you went...

and so people will argue that this smacks of game playing...and I will concede that perhaps some of it is...but it is also the reality of their actions that may come to fruition in the future...

that they expect you home pining and missing them...so don't do it....

print out some local travel places that would make nice weekend trips...even in the future...fall weekend get aways...just leave them out....don't say a thing...be evasive if she quesitons you....

If you are in plan a you should be nice..

ARK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Trampled: No, Orchid, not you, I was referring to StillHereMakingIt's chastizing. Which wasn't mean, I know, but I'm just in such a messed up state right now. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: didn't think so. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Let's help you clean up your messy state a bit. I'm thinkin' that you really aren't as messed up as you feel. ok? Keep posting here. We @ MB are quite good at seeing through the mess and making a plan (A or B), <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Trampled: ....This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. She called yesterday and left a very cold sounding message asking to stop by and pick up more stuff. I'm tired of being a storage locker for her. I'm not in town, though (never bothered to tell her I was leaving, what's the point, she doesn't care). I simply called her back, she didn't answer her cell, and left her a very short message saying I wasn't going to be home tonight.

Will this never end? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: U s/b tired of being a storage locker. I would like to take Ark^^'s suggestions a bit further. I know you are a guy but try going to a store where they have good type of herbal soaps and put a couple good smelling ones in your bathroom. You know, change stuff around your house a bit. Make it pleasant smelling and looking. This could really pass a message to her that you are moving forward without you having to say much. When she asks just say, oh got the idea from some people I met (or chatted wth....) don't divulge details of who (even if they are us oldies on MB - LOL!!)...... or: found this at a store a friend recommended, etc. I think you can get the picture.

See these are tools you can use to communicate with out putting all the work on your shoulders. You want to stimulate her mind. Cause dyfunction between the heart and mind and the A starts to crumble. Now you gotta be smart as to how you make it crumble.

U have more power and tools at your disposal than you realize. Use it wisely.

L.

Thanks guys...I appreciate it very much. I know I'm in the same boat as many here and my situation is probably not as bad to some as their own, but to me, it's like the end of the world...

I like your suggestions and I plan on implementing them. I'm home now, but she never called back so whatever it was she wanted obviously she HAD to have it last night or it wasn't all that important.

I'm still trying over here.

God Bless.

Well, this weekend didn't go too bad. I was out when she called to get some stuff and we arranged a time to meet at the house. She was already there when I showed up, but the house was looking good, clean and what not, I had just bought a new dining room table that morning (got a GREAT deal!) since she took her grandma's antique table with her. I thought that was great sign of, "my life isn't going to stop, I'm moving on to entertain without you." We talked a little bit, probably a bit too much. I told her I missed her and loved her, she even said again that she missed me. We talked briefly about the R and she still is trying to rationalize everything into making it seem right. She even spoke at one point about how it seems that she "turns people to Christ and then her job is over so she moves on"...she cited past relationships with details that she had never told me before.

(Note, I was always fairly agnostic until the last few months when I opened my eyes to God.)

I basically told her that was hogwash and a cop-out...her "job isn't done" as she puts it. If she has given up that's one thing, but the marriage isn't "over" just because I turned to Christ for forgiveness.

Anyway, it went pretty well. No fights, no arguements, nothing too heavy. I didn't break down and ask her to come back, as a matter of fact, I hurried her along because I had someplace to be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I also ran into her last night at the store...she was looking at vacuum cleaners and was obviously crying before I got there. We spoke for a few moments where I re-iterated the same thing...I told her I missed my wife and partner, I loved her, and wished her well.

Anyway...I'm doing better...it's still very lonely, but I'm keeping busy, improving myself and my situation...that's all I can do and Lord willing, my life is NOT going to go in the crapper because of her actions...I love her, but cannot control her...