please read my earlier posts in 'just found out'

I know who the other woman is. It is somewhat difficult to find out her # since she lives in another city and I don't know her last name. But I know where she works.

If I do find a phone #, should I tell her husband about her affair that she's been having with my husband for 3 months. My husband told me three days ago (I asked him and he confessed) but apparently the OW has not confessed to her husband yet. This tells me she is not ready or will never be ready to leave her life.

What do I do? And what do I say on the phone?


M 14 yrs, together 17 yrs, 3 daughters

WAT has a lot of info on exposing the affair on some links he made.

It is important to tell her husband because for one affairs thrive in secrecy, they don't survive in the light. You also need to tell him because it is the right thing to do as a person, he deserves to know this so he can make a choice and help put a stop to it.

I'm sure WAT and the other vets will be along shortly to help you out.

Hang in there, and stay here okay?

Weaver

yes, mw, you do need to tell him. First off, it will help ensure that the affair doesn't resume from that end. And secondly, he needs to know what has been happening in his own life. It would be a kindness to warn him so he can protect himself and his children from her. And hopefully, by telling him, you will prevent this happening to some other woman's marriage.

As far as what you say, just call him up and tell him what you know about it and offer your sympathy. Give him your # if he wants to call you back and talk more. You might also tell him about Marriage Builders. Good luck!

mw - this is pasted from my reply to you on JFO concerning your hesitation to expose the affair to OW's husband, whom you've located. I've duplicated it here to get it more "exposure" (pun intended).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mw:
<strong>If I decide to phone, it'll be tomorrow but I'm terrified to do it, terrified of his reaction and terrified of the consequences.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you don't phone, aren't the consequences of that pretty clear already? - you continue to be miserable, the kids eat pancakes every night, and the affair continues unabatted.

You HAVE to blow this thing open! If you don't reveal the affair to OW's H, you will have become a willing participant in its secrecy.

Yep, the affairees will be mad as hell and you will be the scourge of the earth. Count on it. But you will have done the right thing and the ONLY thing you can to directly end this madness sooner rather than later.

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mw:
If I decide to phone, it'll be tomorrow but I'm terrified to do it, terrified of his reaction and terrified of the consequences.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like WAT said, you should be more terrified of what happens if you DON'T. Are you terrified of losing your H? Because that is much more likely to happen if help them hide their secret and don't expose it. Your H will get over being mad, your marriage WON'T get over this affair if you don't do everything in your power to END IT.

Exposure to spouses, friends, family is one of the single most effective methods of ending the affair. The affair can't survive for long when it is exposed to the light of day. They scatter like cockroaches when exposed. So do yourself a favor, mw, EXPOSE!