please read my earlier posts in 'just found out'

I know who the other woman is. It is somewhat difficult to find out her # since she lives in another city and I don't know her last name. But I know where she works.

If I do find a phone #, should I tell her husband about her affair that she's been having with my husband for 3 months. My husband told me three days ago (I asked him and he confessed) but apparently the OW has not confessed to her husband yet. This tells me she is not ready or will never be ready to leave her life.

What do I do? And what do I say on the phone?


M 14 yrs, together 17 yrs, 3 daughters

MW -

You are in the stage where exposure will help you the most. Expose now!

As far as what you say to OW's H...stick to the facts. Keep in mind that this will be his d-day. No dramatic emotional outburts. Provide proof and he won't be able to explain away or deny later. Express your desire to save your M. Suggest that he come here for support. Swap contact information if possible so the 2 of you can speak if necessary to determine if the A is still going on.

Last but not least...do not indicate to your H that you are considering this. I know others might disagree but I honestly think that if you do he may mention this to OW. She will panic. To cover her tracks she will prep her H by saying "some crazy woman has accused her H of having an A with me! Do you believe that? She's crazy!" Then when you contact her H...he already thinks you are crazy.

I'm sure others will be along soon to offer other advice. Maybe you'll get lucky and someone like WAT or maybe even Top-Rope to drop in.

I think if you do a little research on this board you'll see this topic has been posted numerous times and discussed at great length.

Your situation is very similar to mine. The distance between the infidels and the separation etc.

You have received good advice in the Just Found Out Forum. Read the links WAT gave you, he is an excellent tactician and an authority on exposure. I waited months to expose, thought I could fix it myself with care, logic and rational thinking.

I laugh at myself and how naive I was. Then I found this site.

I like the exposure in concentric circle idea. First, without telling your H, call and tell the OW's H. Have all your facts and evidence in front of you and be prepared for anger and denial. Tell him you want to save the marriage and you love your husband. If he is receptive, direct him here. Tell him to get a copy of SAA or send one to him as I did to OMW. (She doesn't want to discuss it further with me, oh, well)

Try to keep your emotions in check, just tell him what you know as opposed to what you think you know. Try to create an atmosphere where he feels he can confide in you and call you back.

Sometimes the above is all it takes. If not, your H's family, your family, friends etc. Anyone that has influence over your H.

Some here will take the scorched earth approach, tell everyone all at once. It has it's place too, your call.

This is likely temporary, 3-hrs away children etc. The hassles of making that work and the financial implications are daunting.

Start to research your options financially/legally. Your H is going to have to think about what this will cost him sooner or later, educate yourself in this regard so you don’t end up in a financial situation he controls. He needs to feel the consequences.


I wish someone had told me this 7 mos. ago.

Good luck.