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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782 |
Looking for suggestions here - I'm trying a good Plan A...which I don't think is going to work -
I'm looking for ways to learn to close my eyes to all that is happening to me - to shut it out...to stop snooping..to not let this crap bother me..even though one of the OP works with "us". How can I harden my heart??? Throw my hands up and say I don't care and mean it..stop caring about my WH and his OP's...
Some people have suggested that since I have a good life outside of his A's - a nice home, money, cars, vacations - I should just stay quiet and let him do what he wants - accept that he is a WH and will always be one - enjoy the other parts of my life...and not let it bother me...basically close my eyes...I can't seem to do it - it's not in my make-up...
So I'm looking for suggestions here...how to wash that WH right out of my hair........I know this site is about rebuilding a marriage - but I think he is way beyond doing that...maybe I just have to be in Plan A forever...or until I decide that I really only need half of what we have together and move on/out from there.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 271
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 271 |
Hi "Ithurts". I am sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. There are others that will offer you much better advice, as I am new to the site. But, from what I read, you don't sound like you would be happy to close your eyes and pretend like it's not happening. The money, the house, the cars, they will not bring you happiness in the long run. If you wan't to save your marriage (for the right reasons) then there are some very good postings by "Ark" on what to do and how to behave implementing a plan A and or B.
What you need to determine is what future do you really want for yourself? Will you ever find it in your heart to trust this man, or will he continue having A's?
Keep posting and talking about it as things will eventually become clearer and I can tell you it does help you feel beeter in the long run.
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042 |
Instead of closing your eyes you need to focus inward. Take a look at yourself and your life and see if you can identify why the A took place. Use this knowledge to start a plan to make positive changes in your life, not just for the M but also to make yourself a better person. Changing your focus will help you not to obsess on the A itself. You will think about it, but for now try to set that aside until it isn't so raw for you.
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