Hi all. Well I have been going through this for 16 months. But I am tired. I don't want a green jello quivering mass (like Pep said) back.

WH is still with OW. And you know what? I don't care. They can have each other. I am tired of the drama.

I need a real man. Not a weak man that could love someone else and leave me.

I am not going to waste anymore of my life with this loser. He is dead to me.

So I am going to move on, and have a nice life.

believer,

Hi. I know I am not the one to help, but I just saw your post before I logged off.

You do deserve to be happy. You deserve to go on with your life.

Easier said than done.

You seem like such an amazing woman. We love you here. I know you have blessed me very much.

I want you to be happy, and even if you WH does ever come home (not like green quivering jello), you need to be happy now.

I am sorry you are hurting.

Hugs to you tonight. You have given them to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pam

Believer do what you need to do for yourself.
I know that your decision to move on is not about finding someone else, it's alot deeper than that.
At some point you must cut your losses and redirect your energies. When I started learning these principles I realized that regardless to how things turned out with my WS that somethings were for sure;

I would learn how to love myself
I would learn how to be in a healthy relationship
I would learn how to choose a partner

The principles that we are learning or have learned here will serve us for a lifetime, bearing that in mind, we are so much better equipped to love and be loved because of the better understanding of the why's and hows that this site has provided.

You're a terrific person and for some luck guy you're a dream come true. We all have our limits and if you've reached yours, then you've reached yours.

Thanks for your responses to my somewhat erratic, emotional postings. Don't be too much of a stranger. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I feel sorry for your H he has no idea what he's missing and I wish my W had half your spirit and compassion.

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 10:04 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

Believer,
Everyone has to decide when they are ready. You seem to have a heart of gold, an optimistic outlook and if I'm guessing right you were the backbone of that family. Supportive, nurturing, and reassuring.

If your ready then pursue the happiness you deserve. I'll pray for you .... again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Believer, you've been one of my big heroes here the last couple of months.

I wrote a song with a line that says "I begged the blessed one known as the believer..." You may not hear it on the radio anytime soon, but I'm going to record it and have a permanent memory of the help you and others have given me. Nobody else will understand what on earth it all means <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Lotsa love - hope you stick around at least a little bit.

GC

Believer, what do you mean when you say you are moving on? Divorce?

Believer, I too appreciate what you’ve given here. I’ve taken a lot of support and advice from you and have always admired the stamina you’ve shown.

If it’s time for you; go ahead, no one can say you haven’t given him every chance in the world.

I have a success story for you though, just food for thought.

A male co-worker of mine had an affair with another woman I work with. He was married, she wasn’t. He had no children and promptly dumped his grieving wife for the OW.

Two years.

Two Years!

His W, from how he described it to me, plan A’d him for 2 years. Called him once a week to chat.

He was buying a house with the OW. His W’s family would still invite him for Christmas and whatnot. She kept in touch every week. He began to, little by little, come around. Began to look forward to those calls and really wanted to know how his wife was doing.

Did I mention 2 years?

Finally….Finally… he realized and said to himself: “What am I doing?’ and tail between hi legs said to his wife: “I screwed up” and the rest is history.

Fast forward 13 years and 2 children and according to him they have a great marriage.

I thought I’d share that in case tonight you’re just in a lousy mood and needed a boost. Like I said, no one would fault you for throwing in the towel, heck, I’ll reach my limit eventually as well, but ya never know.

Keep your line tight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It's late but I had to post when I saw your message. I feel bad for your pain and I don't know your history but hope you can find your happiness and peace. Also, I want to thank you for taking the time and posting to me, it really helped. Thanks and good night.

Hey...low day for you Huh?

I had it too last night. I have just finish writing this long "the end" sort of letter to WH. I plan to give it to him end of this month. Next month i am going to see the lawyer.

I also had an offer to work in another city. I am considering it. This will allow me to move thousands of miles away from WS and OW. Its just that moving so far away without someone to support you is a little overwelming for me. But i believe this is a good start for me. I have to decide soon.

Believer i just notice that you have posted more than 4000!!! Wow, that is a lot. It shows that you have helped a lot of people.

Wait until 22 months...i read someone made it to 22 months and then their WS came crawling back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I dont think i have the patience to wait that long.

Believer, thinking of you. You are my hero and angel. I will support you whatever you do. Prayers for you and hugs.

Hey Believer- Your help has been greatly appreciated. Your thinking on this makes a lot of sense to me too. Just move on and you never know, maybe he will come around some day down the road. You don't need to sit around and wait forever for the guy. Life is too short and you are too cool of a person to have to do that. There will be another man that will appreciate you for who you are.

Believer -

I hate to see you like this. I want to encourage you to hold out and keep the faith. I like what Binder posted to you. That will give you hope.

I can't possibly tell you to keep trying....you know your breaking point better then anyone on this board.

I can tell you that you have posted to me since I joined this board. I can think of times when I read your posts...and not always the ones you posted to me....and just thought 'you know this woman has a heart of gold'. You are an Angel and a Hero. I'm sure the people you interact with in the 'nonvirtual world' feel the same way about you.

I'm sending you hugs, love and lots of prayers.

Wow, 16 months. I don't think I would be able to last that long.

When my WW first said she wanted to separate, I told her that it would have to be a divorce because I couldn't be married to someone who was in love with and seeing someone else. It wouldn't be fair to me or the OM for us to have to share her, it would have to be all or nothing. Part of me still feels that way, but I really do want her back.

I am glad I found MB. I have learned so much in just the last couple weeks. I'm glad to have had the opportunity to be a part of this forum with members such as yourself who are also in my position or have been there. It has really helped. So, even though you say you are done with WH, please stay with us. You never know who can benefit from your wisdom and experience.

Believer,
You were the first person who posted to me when I just found out. I remember I was in tears and your post comforted me so much. I want to send that right back to you. You seem like such a caring, wonderful person. I hope you find all the things that you deserve in life.

Oh folks, not done with you - just done with WH. I decided not to think about him anymore. My real husband is gone, and there is a stranger in his place.

thinking of a bunch of things i want to say but i think the best is to just say prayers to you, RR

Believer,,,

If the MB rule is: Give yourself at least 6 months to a year before making a decision regarding your marriage.

you should be able to look back and know you gave everything you could and then some.

You are, and have been very strong. I think the decision you have come to is THE RIGHT ONE!

All of my best wishes,

Believer

You were the very first poster to respond when I posted the first time, too. You just make people feel so much better. You are an amazing woman who deserves a slice of happiness in this world.

Hugs

Believer I am happy for you if you have reached that point of clarity. As everyone has said you are a wonderful lady. At this point in time, even though my H never left after d-day, I can't post real encouragement to others that everything will work out. Yet here you are, Plan Bing for months, and bringing everyone you post to your faith and hope. YOU deserve better than what you've been getting. I always wish you the best! CV

Believer, you've been there for me, given me hope, and helped me see the light.

You have been doing this far longer than I can imagine doing this. I agree, you need to do what you need to do. And, did I hear this right? There is another man in your life?