WH has, once again, said he met with OW and said he can't work on our M if he is in contact with her. Has said he will give me cell records.

BUT ... what about cell phone chat? There are no records. Anyone have experience with this? Any way to keep track of that? Does it show up on bill?

chat? You mean text messaging? My cell bill shows text messageing. It doesn't show the message itself, but it shows the number I send the text too with the code TM for text messaging. I get the frist 50 for free, and then .05 cents after that, so it will show the first 50 times with a .00 next to it, and then the .05 kicks in.

No, I know there is a record of all the text messages because I've seen it on the bills. I'm talking about the chat feature. You can put in the phone number and then send notes back and forth.

HfH -

I think I can help you. Are you asking if your H's phone has the ability to do 'phone chat'? If you have the model and brand will you please post that to me. I can tell you the answer quickly.

Also tell me who your provider is and I'll see if I can find otu what is available to be viewed on the bill.

I work with cellular technology and have a very good understanding. I'll help anyway I can.

heroeswife, yes 'phone chat' is what I mean. We both have Nokia phones. I have his old one and it does have chat. He has a newer-model flip phone. We have AT&T Wireless.
Thanks for your help.

If it's a new phone I'm pretty sure it'll have the 'chat' feature.

You can have this featured turned off...even if it's provided as a free service. You can have that removed by your wireless carrier.

I can tell you that At&t does record and store SMS (there's a high profile trial about this in the news right now...that person used AT&T as well)but I'm not sure technology is available to track actual phone chats. The technology used for this functionality is very new and exact data would be hard to track. There are no legal mandates to store this information right now.

In the meantime, I would call my service provider and have SMS and phone Chat removed. Ask for detailed billing and plainly state regardless of charges or duration. Most cellular companies won't display calls that were free if you do not ask them. And most carriers will not display calls with no duration....meaning there was no answer. I think you want to see these calls as well. Your provider has the ability to display this on the bill. The person you speak to on the phone may tell you they cannot do this but I know they can. Push to the next level if you have to. If you decide you don't like the answer they give you change carriers to someone who will.

With the new portability act you won't even have to change your number.

Please let me know if I can help you.

Well you're a wealth of information! My Hs bill goes to work and it's under his name. Don't know if I can change anything on his account, and don't know if I would want to try to. Just wanted information so we can discuss this. I will ask him to drop the 'phone chat' service. My bill is detailed billing and I know that his used to be from when I got into his account online ... he has since changed his password and I have no access now.

Thanks for your help!

Does you H's company pay for his phone? Is that why the bill goes there?

Or does your H have his phone sent there to keep you from seeing it?

I'm not sure what your situation is. Is your H having an A and have you confronted him? If so I assume that is why he changed his password.

You need to get some spyware on your home computer and see if you can get his password that way.

I'd even suggest telling him to have you added to his bill. He needs to be accountable for his actions and if he's not giving you access to his cell phone bills then he is up to something.

This is how I busted my H's A. Of all things to do....cheat with the help of a cell phone on your wife that works as closely as I do with cellular technology! I swear the man wanted to be caught...either that or he's 2 sandwiches short of a picnic. I love him though.

I'll do anything I can to help you out here.

Yes, it's billed to his company. He has had an A for about 1 year now. Off and on. Just recently, he has said it's off again. He doesn't use our home computer much, so spyware wouldn't help.

As for wanting to get caught, that's him! His OW even said so herself to me in a phone conversation. He had gotten money from an ATM near her house and I confronted him. At that point, he "wasn't in contact" and he said he drove by, but now I know that he WAS in contact and probably stopped by. That's the weekend it all started AGAIN.

Feeling VERY low today ... can't stop thinking about them. Too many triggers, things happening that makes me think they're back at it again. He says he is very angry that he can't ever talk to her again ... as angry as I am that he had an A. I don't know about that ... it was his choice to have the A, not mine. I'm just left dealing with the backlash of all this sh** that's hitting the fan.

I sympathize with you. I can tell you are in a great deal of pain.

You must be in Plan A? Have you asked your H if he wants to save your M? If he does demand an NC letter right now. Tell him you need him to be open and honest with you.

Have you exposed? This is a very powerful tool.

Been there, done that. He doesn't know if he wants to save our M. One day he does, the next day he is doubting again. He did a NC letter in April. Things were very good, not great and I didn't expect that. Then she contacted him in May and he got distant again. Stopped working on us.

Yes, exposure to his family, my family and our friends. Didn't help much. He woke up for a bit, but went right back to the hole he was living in. Part of me wishes no one knew now, but then again ... I'd be dead if I hadn't talked to people.

Have you tried a voice activated recorder? Not proud to say it but I put one in his car and it really does work well -Radio shack and they will even show you how to use it !-just a extra idea- we can use as much help as possible