Hello,

You don't know me - I'm new to the boards. I was reading something you wrote to Graycloud today...

"... This is your big chance to still be married in 50 years or not. I was dumped by OM. I went back to my H (never left physically) because I saw that as my only option. If you want to talk to me about what the sparrow will be feeling when (and if) she comes back, please feel free to do so. Because this is make it or break it time."

My H's A ended (although it may be starting up again), and I think he approached me about recovery because of that (although he constantly said he missed me even during the A & his filing for D, etc- so contradictory). Anyway, I'm trying to navigate this difficult time - WH seems to be wavering back & forth on committing to recovery. Any advice you can give on the "make it or break it time" and what I should/should not do or what I can do to help?

I have told him that I want to try to recover, that I won't hold anything against him and will use the past to learn from it and create a great M, etc.

What else can I do/say?

Thanks!!

Cute, I was going to give GC the female outlook on how the sparrow would be if she came back. Not sure how H's are when they come back - not sure how men think <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I was going to tell him not to expect anything from her. She would be a very wounded sparrow, with all her dignity gone and very hurt pride.

If he (or you) intend to be in your marriage for the long haul it's worth it to be patient for as long as it takes for the wayward party to come around. And it takes a great deal of time and a great deal of patience on the part of the BS.

My H said he was willing to wait it out and do everything he could (we went to MC every week, plus he was doing a plan A without even knowing what a plan A was) because he knew (or hoped at the beginning when things looked very grim) that one day this whole thing would just be a small blip on our marriage radar screen.

I really don't know if this helps you. The main thing was there was willingness on both our parts to do everything we could to become "us" again.

Jenny

Thanks Kiwi - it does help, but it's a little discouraging because I think my WH wants me to do all the work. However, I can be kind, patient and loving towards him and maybe it will help him commit to a real recovery.

C