This legal manuvering sucks! WE were suppoosed to go to mediation today, but my WW's L had it cancelled it w/o our permission. We now have to get a hearing to have it rescheduled. My W wants to have a private mediation session that would limit any discussion of the OM. Sneaky.

I still will send this D to trial based on the following points:

1. There are alternitives to D that can give her what she says she wants-happiness and romance (i.e. Marriage Builders!)

2. I can't negotiate custody while the OM is house shopping w/o the courts knowledge. If they are going to live together and she wants sole custody, this man needs to be evaluated for fitness.

Steve Harley approved this approach b/c it a) gets at the notion that she can't be happy w/ me and b) exposes the OM and makes him apart of a public trial. Projection? OM will choke and bolt, W will lose ground in negotiations and her Plan A'ing H may have that very small window to offer a way out (reconcile).

Steve and my L say it HAS worked. It takes time and po's the WW but something always gives when such pressure (and love ) is applied.

Now THIS is a man willing to do whatever it takes...

You are willing to CPR your very sick marriage.

~even tho~

there is a divorce looming....

YOU are wonderful!!!!!

Simply wonderful.......

No matter the outcome... you have earned yourself a way back into the marriage, or a way out of the marriage.

WAY TO GO

Pep

<small>[ July 15, 2004, 03:51 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

it's great to have SH on your side and i'm glad that he along w/your L validates what you are doing.

the best thing you can do for your W's lawyer is to pray for him too. love those who slay us. work on it and keep up the good work, prayers to you.

YOU GO! I've been reading daily and praying for you and your ww!

You are da man with the plan!

Pepper,

Perhaps I'm missing some irony - but the Germans didn't bomb Pearl Harbor......could you 'splain your signature line????

Ignorance is NEVER bliss,
- Kimmy

Thank you ALL! Your encouragement ROCKS! I feel those prayers and they empower me to do what I can for the fam.

Germans bonbing Pearl Harbor? That's a line from Animal House.

Retort: 'Pearl Harbor?'
Reply 'Don't worry, he's on a roll...'

Classic.

i was wondering the same thing about the germans and pearl harbor but tried to downplay my ignorance and figured it was an inside joke <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Germans bonbing Pearl Harbor? That's a line from Animal House.

Retort: 'Pearl Harbor?'
Reply 'Don't worry, he's on a roll...'
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Duh. Sometimes the blonde sinks into the brain. Donkey-shun.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Projection? OM will choke and bolt, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh yeah, I meant to add: Oh to be a fly on the wall for THAT converstation!!!!!! Not that I'm vindictive or anything - but I love to see lady Karma in action!

I swear - today was NOT the day to cut the caffiene!

- Kimmy

Pepper,

Perhaps I'm missing some irony - but the Germans didn't bomb Pearl Harbor......could you 'splain your signature line????

They didn't?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Someone better tell tell John Belushi that factoid.

<small>[ July 15, 2004, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

WishIWereHome Wrote: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">dleightonc

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds to me that you are being manipulative.

I have found myself thinking of manipulating strategies to trick my STBX into changing her mind.

After thinking about it, I realized that I don't want her to change her mind because I got her to. I don't want her to decide that I am best for her because I manipulated the situation for her to believe so.

It's been a long time for me already but I will probably be in plan A with her for much longer. If she ever changes her mind and decides to be with me, I want it to be because of who I am and not because I tricked her into it.

I may be off the wall of my interpretation of your post, but this is what I see.

WIWH </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My reply:

WishIWereHome:

I appreciate your observations. I really would LOVE to be dealing with this another way, but I've been told by the Harleys, my therapist, my pastor and my lawyer that reconcilition is impossible as long as the A is active. My children are in the balance here as well. OM has told my W 'this is war' and has instructed her to take me for everything. This man is directly attacking me and my family. They are even considering OM moving in to our home 'once the bedroom becomes unocccupied' (her words) He has called me, threatened me and is manipulating my W to the point that she has no friends (they're against her, he says), is in financial disarray (start a business NOW), and she's prepared to gut me ('he's psychotic')

While I was hospitalized for depression, she flew up to be with HIM, leaving our kids with unsuspecting friends. How can I NOT address this man's influence on my family? He's broken federal law to shag my wife, and threatened her in order to force her off the fence toward divorce.

I will not act in vengence, but I will do everything in my power to keep this invader from my children. If this exposure influences my wife's return, great. If she runs with him, fine. But my boys stay. That's my commitment. I'll be here if she wakes up, but OM doesn't get to destroy my life.

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