Hi, the last few days have been terrible. MY WS who had an EA approx 2months ago (and may still be doing so) is so indifferent about our plight. she doesn't kmow if she still wants to stay together, loves me like a brother, etc.
We are still living together, but come Thursday / Friday she is always wanting to go drinking with her girlfriends.
The last couple of days have been especially hard because I have tried to give her some additional space, but she acts like it's the best thing and that she really doesn't miss me.
As a result I feel pretty cr@p, and don't know if I am doing the right thing. I don't want to be a sad sack, and I don't want to give her excuses or opportunities to continue / restart an EA. Every day is a real struggle at present, some good, some bad, and some like today downright torture. I have tried implementing plan A but am failing miserably... The more time in limbo the less likely I am going to be able to forgive her.
Apart from praying (well screaming) to God for help, what can I do to make myself feel better?
How do you stopt the jealous fits (and anger) that I am suffereing every time she is out of my sight?

Yep, Plan A is not too much fun. You just hang in there and do it. Lots of us have been through this, and are still hanging in there.

Agree with believer, plan a STINKS. When I 1st came to this site I asked okay, so my W had the A and I'm the one that is supposed to make things better!?!?!? That makes no sense at all their the ones that did wrong. How is that fair can someone explain that to me? Someone, I don't remeber who posted a short and sweat response. It read; that's what we all want to know. Well guess what? Once you do it and it starts working it makes perfect sense.

Make sure you understand plan A fully but in effect it's all about being the best you that you can be, not LBing, and making sure that the giver in you is in charge. Make yourself the better option just like you did when you first won your W's affection. Is it fair to have to re-win your W? No but that's the situation we have found ourselves in and besides isn't she worth it?

LBing is a major problem especially in the early stages. I wish I could tell you the secret hand shake that would make the hurt and anger go away but it doesn't exist. Of course you are hurt, of course you are angry but you must put that aside if you want to save your M.

At some point you must also come to the realization that your W's nights out drinking are not with the girls. WS's love to have their cake and eat it too. Implement plan A but put a time limit on it. Also keep in mind that many of the things your WW will tell you right now is fog talk, try not to pay any attention to it. It's hard but this is the place to get you through it.

Best of luck to you and always remember that IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Beleiver and Mr E.
Sadly my wife has broken the circle of trust again. I caught her SMS'ing the other person this morning. This was the first time I checked her SMS's since the EA was discovered and guess what, a message from the other person saying that his "wife was to close" probably to meet. My wife now says that she is scared of me (not physically) but mentally. I guess my continued catching her out has caused much anguish as I can be a bit like perry mason when I smell a rat.
I am so dissapointed / disgusted by her actions that I really cannot see this working out. She asked me if after all that had happened if I really thought that there was a chance that the marriage could have been saved?
After picking myself up off the ground, I explained that I had kept telling her / giving her clues that I knew the EA was still ongoing, but had decided to swallow my pride she seemed stunned (the fog I guess).
I felt sick around her this morning and couldn't stand to touch her after I found out.
I guess that in some cases it may be best to cut your losses and move on, this will hurt but so will the continued betrayals. Not sure how to do this, but I really can't see myself getting past it. SORRY for being such a negative sod...
PS: I don't want to tell the OP's spose just yet, as I think it will complicate things for me right now.

RM

Welcome to Marriage Builders. OK, please take some time and read as much as you can on this site and get the books, at the very least Surviving an Affair.

I know how upset you are. Just finding out totally stinks. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. We all have been there in one way or another. Keep postinmg here, you will get some great support. This board has saved my marriage from sure doom with it's hope and help.

Patience is very important. Hang in there!

You'll hear more from the veterans, but you need to tell the other spouse. Exposure of their dirty little secret will help to deflate their fantasy world. That's what this is, RH, just a twisted fantasy.

WAID, thank you for your kind words of support, they really do help.
I have read and will continue to read the postings, Dr harleys letters and the advice avaliable from the postings. I still find that all I have read is lost in my own fog of emotion some times.
There are times like this morning when I found out about the continued contacts that I feel such deep pain and raw emotions that I cannot stick to any plan or maintain a rational thought in my head.
My WS and I are almost as illogical as one another right now, but for very different reasons. I take what you are saying to heart and realise have to be strong, and she has to be honest(sadly the latter will probably never happen). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Talking to others such as yourself helps me blow off steam and realise that there are plenty of others that are suffering much more than myself.