My H is still living away from home. It has been 3 weeks. He came over last night and we watched a movie. He says every few days that he wants to talk but then when he comes over, we eat, hang out and he has nothing much to say.

He is still saying he does not know what is best for us. He says that he still loves me, but is afraid that he will hurt me again. I am willing to forgive his A and move on if he is committed to do that.

He never says that it is the OW or anything like that, but that he is not sure if this is the life he wants and he does not want to put me through this again later.

Do you think this means he is still seeing OW and he is just saying that because he is seeing her or do you think he truly is against being married and being committed. I just do not get it.

It seems most people on this board are fighting the WS and the OP but it seems with me, it is just my H and his personal problems.. Maybe I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. I am over the anger and try to show him we can make it work, but I can only do so much!

Could be some withdrawl or depression in him. But it could also be that he is still in contact or A with OW.

My WW is kind of the same way as far as saying she does not know what she wants, etc. But I also think her A is still going on. She has not told me that it is over, and she is still keeping secrets about her activities and still wants to move out.

What does your gut tell you?

I know he sees the OW because he is still working at the resort where she is all of the time. I am not sure what else is going on. I have people that work there that tell me when she is out there, but knowing her, she is still trying. She is also married, but does not give a flip about her marriage.

I think it is not over sometimes and sometimes I think he feels that marriage is not for him as he has said. His mom was married 3x and they were not good marriages, so maybe he thinks that is his future. We had a good marriage, no fights, no finacial problems, no children to cause stress. I thought we were best friends, until this happened. I think she has been after him since day one and manipulated her way into him when he was having doubts about life in general, and what he wants from life.

I love him and miss him and keep telling him that. I try to be strong and say that I will not be wimpy and let him come to me when he is ready. I mean he is the one who did this, but I miss him.

Sounds to me like he is still in the fog.

If you still love him, stay in Plan A. Don't expect too much from him. It took me about a week, but I finally figured out how to do my Plan A. You must make him believe that you are okay (even if you're not), you must show him (not tell him) that being at home with you is where he needs/wants to be. You need to identify your boundaries - what you will and will not do or tolerate.

You must also find something to do for yourself. A hobby or something to make YOU happy and take your mind off the situation now and then. Read posts and replies from ark^^, they have really opened my eyes to what Plan A is and how to make it work. Use this fourm as a support group. We're all in this together.