My daughter told me last night that she knew about the affair because a friend of hers said that your mommy and my uncle are dating, they are going to split up, I saw them kissing, it would be neat if they get married so you can be my cousin. I asked my daughter how she feels about that and she says that she is made at her mom, how could she do this to you and us, I don't want him as my daddy, and I am ashamed of her. Should I tell my wife all that she said because I feel my wife needs to know what her daughter feels about her. I think she needs to feel the pain we all are feeling. also show her the consequences of her actions

<small>[ July 16, 2004, 10:57 AM: Message edited by: swimming alone ]</small>

You can tell her...perhaps should...but the fact is that your wife is deep in the fog at the moment and it probably wont soak in.

My oldest son didnt talk to me for 6 months after I left his father but it made no difference to me because the fog was too thick. I was cushioned by it. I just guessed my son would come round in time. I didnt understand the pain I was causing my children. My whole focus was myself.

So do tell her...maybe at some point what you say will soak in, but dont expect immediate reaction. Also please try to bring up teh subject out of concern for your daughter and in a concerned way not as an accusation. Your wife will be looking for excuses and if you approach her aggresively or manipulatively she will immediately hold it against you.

SA, I would absolutely tell your W. Since Debra has been there I would follow her advice. But yes use this 2 x 4' to try to penetrate the tremendous fog she may be. This would seem to have some impact. Main concern is of course your daughter. You need to reassure her that her world isn't falling apart etc. Kids are so smart you need to be strong for her.

Both my kids know. I tell them mom is not bad, but what she is doing is not right or OK. I don't ever want them to think that when they get married it is acceptable to behaive like that. Don't want them to think that because MOM cheats that it is ok. WW just want to pretend nothing is happening. Also try to reinforce that mom still loves them. Even though the kids have told me they don't feel loved.

Kids are affected even more than the adults in marriage breakups. Studies have shown kids raised in homes with two biological parents, even if they are not happily married, are less apt to get in trouble with school, drugs, sex, or behaivor.

Your WW probably wants to believe her kids won't be in that statistic. Just like you believed you could trust your wife, and that she was loyal.

I feel for you. Support your DD. Ask her to pray that God helps everyone start doing the right things.

<small>[ July 18, 2004, 08:16 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

My wife did talk to her. She thought I was lying. My daughter told her that ever thing that daddy said about what i heard and the way I feel about you is true. wife said that things happen and you and daddy have been together for a long time and I do not love him as much anymore. Believe that.... daughter said she is sad,mad,lost respect for her and ashamed....wife says things happen in life...crazy