Chackler- Thank you. Was it a gradual chnge back for you or did the reality of what u were doing hit you hard one day? What made u decide to go back to your marriage? Basically, what made the decision to work on your marriage click in your head? Also, what should I be saying to my WW when I talk to her? Sorry for all the ?'s. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

H4F, I love the comment about the BS being dragged behind the WS like a rag doll tied to the back of a pickup truck.

As a BS, I'm constantly concerned that my WW doesn't "get" that I still want her to return, even though I've made that as clear as I could, those few times I've had the chance. I know that even if she wanted to, she would have other big concerns - making amends with friends and family, recovering the M, and living in a M she probably sees as imperfect and scarred and damaged - but I have an unending desire to make sure my WW understands that I want her back. She should know this by now, but her actions are so perplexing that it's hard to tell what she's aware of. And it's been weeks since I told her that I believe in a future for us. I hear the FWWs say, believe me, she knows. But it's hard to believe.

GC

hahaha...2long, that IS funny. Old timer huh?

But yes, definitely, read my thread. In fact, I'm gonna go give it a bump. Hopefully it can help some folks who are just going through this painful time.

ALS

I can only go on what I have read and the case studies I have gone through via work for my own situation.
I think your WW affair is crumbling quite quickly but she is living with OM now and in a strange way its almost the reverse position she was in when a w to you. Now that is a weird thought.
I'm sure she is having SO much trouble admitting she is not in a good place to herself let alone anyone else, especially you who she is finally admitting she has treated so badly while you have been consistently loving.
Guilt & remorse must be rearing their troublesome heads as well as huge disappointment & shock that her choices have turned out so badly.
But, I dont see her ready to run back to you yet or ready to admit to herself how totally wrong she has been. Shes thinking it but not admitting it. Yet.
I certainly wouldn't suggest you follow up with any contact for a while. What about 7 to 10 days time ring her at work for a very quick oh been cleaning up the house found old photo or whatever & it reminded you to ring to see how she was? you know caring but not exactly eager.

I sorta get the feeling she could run at the slightest excuse from both you & OM.

Aussie- i think u were writing to me? This thread is old so here is an update. She sent this email the other day stating what ur talking about. i opened my heart to her again and talked with her. She said she wants to come home, but feels like she can't. I don't really want her back unless she is fully commited anyway. She is really close to being 100% again, but still living with OM and that's a problem.

i was at the house today to pick up the files and stuff. i read the best
> friend card i once gave you. and for what ist worth i am sorry, for
> everything. i wish i could go back change things, talk with you more tell
> you what i was thinking. i wish things had been different. but its gone to
> far there is no going back now, that pt of no reutern has been crossed for
> both of us.the house is almost yours we are divborced in three weeks, and
> for that i am sorry, for not trying harder to work things out.i know later
> i will wish i hadnt written this letter. but the fact is i miss our life i
> miss our friendship and that you were the only person who really knew me,
> and the only one i could be myself around.all the stupid things that
> mattered like sponge bob, running bull, the dogs all of it.but i did this
> to our marriage so i have to suffer the pain of still loving you every day
> and wishing it hadnt gone this far. you always said i would regret my
> dession , you can pat yoyrself on the back you were right, i am sorry if
> this email bother you that is not my intent, but i just needed to let you
> know. i am sorry. and i will not send you another email like this.

<small>[ August 27, 2004, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: juke1225 ]</small>