Need advice, Quick!

Just found out from some friends of mine and WH that my WH has a problem with pornography. He's kept it well hidden from me.

Apparently he told the female friend that the four of them should go out sometime. OW is a lot of fun. Likes to go to strip bars, etc. And here is the clincher. He told this friend of ours that he would like to see the two of them ****ing each other. Friend was very insulted

Did not know that WH has been acting and talking like this. Also, apparently when he is somewhere with the male friend, he kind of gets out of control with his comments, etc. when he sees an attractive woman. Our friends are not even close to being prudes - neither am I!

Please advise - how do I get my WH to tell me about his behavior, to open up and be honest. Or do I even try? He has been honest about a lot lately.

PLEASE ADVISE!!!!!!!!

So far, it's gossip.

So treat it as such.

Tell him what you heard. Ask him if he has any comments about this gossip you heard about him.

Watch his body language.
Just watch and listen.

See if you can quiet your anxiety about this so you can observe his reaction to the gossip.

Pep

Thanks Pep!

I'm almost to find out how many secret lives my WH really has.

I really don't want to get our friends in trouble for talking to me about what he said to them, but I feel totally in the dark.

Need MORE ADVICE!!!!!

I really don't want to get our friends in trouble for talking to me about what he said to them, but I feel totally in the dark.



Where does your loyalty belong?

If they told you this gossip, it has to be discussed between you and your H .... you and H are a team.... there should be no secrets, no should your real friends expect you to hold such a secret from your husband...

Your H has a right to know there is gossip going around about him...

If the gossip is true, then you deal with the facts together with your H as a team. it's a problem if it's true, but few problems get better if left hidden.

If it is not true, then you've not kept a secret separating you and your H.

Friends can be upset, so what?

Pep

I agree with Pep. I would tell your H what your friends told you that he supposedly said. It is not getting your friends in trouble. I can't believe that your friends wouldn't expect you to do something with the information they gave you or why did they give it to you in the first place. If they are upset then I guess I would question their loyalties.

PEPPER

The friends in question were the ones he said these things to. As I said, the female friend was very offended by his comment. Still gossip?

Also found out he had OW come to a place where his band was playing a while back (before anyone else knew about the A). He even introduced her to one of them.

Appreciate your advice greatly Pep!

I have a question here... If k72172 talks to her WH about what their friends told her, and the fact that it was their friends that told her that, then won't that close that info door?

Won't the friends stop telling her stuff?

Won't her WH stop telling those friends stuff?

Would it be better if she talked to her WH without telling him how she got her info, if that's even possible?

I would hate to cut off my info source. But then, what good is it to walk around carrying stored info? Seems that would get just too darn heavy to carry. OTOH, again, I really wouldn't want to lose my info source.

I guess I'm basing this on when our kids were teenagers. We were always a step ahead of them, and never never never revealed our info sources to the kids.

Am I making sense to anyone? You folks are so wise, I would really love to hear your opinions on the pros & cons.

Thanks,
Isleepwithacat