Went to court today. WW and I filed dissolution paperwork. Judge went over it. He had some reservations on the child support portion. WW and I agreed that if she took some bills and I kept the house, I wouldn't ask for child support. The equity in the house and the debt she took would offset the child support. The judge did some calculations and said he agreed with it but it had to go before the superior court for final approval. Everything else went fine but WW and I had alot of reservations going into this this morning...

The judge didn't have the paperwork ready so he said he'd send it in the mail. Neither of us signed any paperwork, so I guess, in essence, we're still married...

I talked with WW a little while ago and she said she was looking at court sites on the internet. I don't know if she was saying she wanted to stop this thing or what. She did say after we left the court room she kept waiting for something to stop this, but she didn't know how to...

She did tell me she was sorry for all this. She also said she was looking at the paper to find OM another place to live. Maybe, just maybe, something good will come of all of this. I don't know. I'm still in limbo. Maybe when we do get the paperwork in the mail, she'll decide she doesn't want this...

The more I write here, the better I feel. Earlier I felt like I lost the love of my life, now I almost feel that we may have a chance in the future. We actually had some light conversations after the court thing. Maybe some of the pressure is off and we can open up to each other. I don't know.........

"She also said she was looking at the paper to find OM another place to live."

Tierra del Fuego?

I hear it's nice (and cold) this time of year.

-ol' 2long

lost - Well, don't give up. This could all be turned around. But if it isn't, you can get married again, if things work out.

I was feeling a little low today and decided to call WW. I left a message on her cell phone. She called me later and asked if we could talk tomorrow. I said ok. I asked how she was. She said she was ok, but she said she was talking to her friend earlier and something made her think about us and she started balling. She said her friend said things would be ok. I said, you know we're not divorced until we sign the paperwork. She said, we should go in and get a paper notorized saying we didn't want to go through with the divorce. So, it looks like she either still has feelings for me or she is scared as heck of divorce. Hopefully, we can hash some things out tomorrow. I did ask her if she would read the book, "Surviving an Affair". She said she read parts of it. I said you have to read the whole thing. She said she would try. I guess that's at least a 'baby' step anyway. Looking forward to what tomorrow brings....

However, on a bad note, my oldest D just called and said someone broke her window in her car. Like they were trying to steal something. I guess I have a project for Monday, since nothing is open on Sundays around here...

Glad to hear something good is coming out of your divorce. Keep us updated. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

That is awesome news. JUST awesome. Maybe that was what it took to lift the fog. Human's gone alien's who used to value marriage, had the evil of divorce drilled into their heads, who are now faced with the D paper itself, well, maybe that was enough to shine the light on the ugliness and stupidity of what they are doing.

I meet with WH Monday to discuss terms, complete paperwork, etc... We will see what happens, but so far it has not made much of a change in WH's decisions/resolve.

WW came by today to drop off some money for my Ds camp next week. We sat a few minutes and talked. She said she didn't want to end up like her mother. Her mother is pretty much broke and married to someone that no one in the family likes. Her mother is not a very happy person and basically has nothing...

I don't know if she meant she thought we'd end up like that or if her and OM would end up like that. She did say she knows we never tried working through our marriage problems. I said neither one of us knew what to do. I said I know more now and am willing to do whatever it takes. I know we didn't have a long conversation, but I feel we are moving ahead a little tiny bit. I did give her the book Surviving an Affair. She said she read parts of it and said they talk like babies in the book. I said, I think they wrote the book so it could easily be understood. I said she should read the whole book to get the whole picture. She said she'd try. Another baby step forward I think...

Still, there is no talk of any feelings for me. I know that in the book, SAA, it took Sue a long time to have feelings back for her husband. I don't know what is going to happen, but its the most progress in this whole mess since she left a year ago....

lwh,

You know I am very pro M ... I even has help a MBer to hang in there after her Dv ... they reM again recently.

Have you read Buyer, renter and freeloader ?. Read it !. Why ?. When WS wants to come back or hinting come back ... you have to see if WS is a freeloader, a renter or a buyer !. You should not take anything but a buyer.

Right now she is a freeloader !. I would go into plan B and let the Dv go through.

I saw many MBer here didn't take the appropriate steps at the right time. They took back their WS and what they have is FWS !.

A freeloader FWS definitly would kill any love left sooner or later and also kill the chances of any M recovery in the future as well.

A Renter FWS definitly would just do enough to avoid BS pishes off, thus create an emotional roller coaster all over again. The M is save for now but it would never be a fullfilling M like what Harley has promised.

A buyer FWS is a repentant FWS. BS will be bless with recovered M that is better than the old M.

Just my 2¢. One wise MBer has a sig line read "Pain is given but misery is optional" ...

-rh-

<small>[ July 19, 2004, 03:11 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

lwh:

"I did give her the book Surviving an Affair. She said she read parts of it and said they talk like babies in the book. "

If she wants something more "cerebral" 2 read, get her a copy of David Schnarch's "Passionate Marriage" and ask her 2 read the first chapters about "differentiation" and the last chapters about "building your crucible." The rest is about imroving your sex life, so it won't hurt if she reads that 2.

It's an amazing book, but a somewhat difficult read at times. I think it's the best one out there that I know about for helping one improve their own self-image.


edited 2 add: SAA isn't a very "fun" read. It's not supposed 2 be. I have a copy, but I bought it so long after D-day that I haven't found it all that useful... ...for ME. It's a "simple" read, by and large, but this is precisely because WS and OP are behaving in a rather simple-minded fashion, firing on 3 cylinders, so 2 speak, and so it's at their level.
-ol' 2long

<small>[ July 19, 2004, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

My youngest D went to volleyball camp yesterday. I get a call this morning and she was sick, so I had to go get her. Later, this afternoon, WW came by with medicine for my D. I was tying flies for fishing. I didn't know whether to stop and talk with her or just continue what I was doing. I guess I should have stopped. I think I was a little rude. Anyway, I asked her how she was doing. She said her back hurt and we made light conversation. Then she said she had to go. She said she was reading SAA and had a couple of hours today to go home and read some more. I didn't ask her about reading it. She just gave me that information willingly. I don't know if she is really reading the book or she is stalling for time to delay the DV. What I do know is that when the paperwork gets here and she isn't ready to commit to this marrriage, I guess then she'll be ready to commit to DV... I'm still holding on to hope.....

Redhat, I will get that book. I may have to order it because our book stores here kinda stink. I've read posts referencing that book. I haven't read much lately because things looked so bleak for so long. I guess maybe I should get busy again....

2long, I'm not sure my WW is ready to read anything that difficult. Maybe if we start moving forward, she'll be willing to read more. I don't want to overload her right now.

So, that's where things stand at this point. I'm still hoping for the best....