I think I am in survival mode. I refuse to talk to WH unless it is an issue dealing with custody. He filed the paperwork for D and I received it in the mail. I didn't even get upset. I think I just need to accept this and move on. I don't really even know him anymore. He has been having the A for 6 months and moved out three months ago.
I have no idea what this child is going to do to his fantasy world.
It drives me crazy that he is so friendly and is trying sooo hard to be nice. He emails me to have a good week and just sent an email asking about bringing our camcorder to the delivery. He will be lucky to even see it.

durham - I'm so glad you posted. I was afraid maybe you went into labor. Hang in there. The baby will cause all kinds of changes. OW will be jealous, and WH will be more connected to you.

BetrayedWife's husband came back to her for good when she had the baby.

durham,

I've been following your story. My heart goes out to you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...just sent an email asking about bringing our camcorder to the delivery. He will be lucky to even see it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What an a$$! Files D, continues on with A, but somehow thinks he'll be in the delivery room...with a camcorder no less!

Take care of yourself. Rely on your real support system for your delivery...not your FOGGED out WH.

sss

durham,

Do me a favor chere. Find out what kind of extension you need to respond to those papers. I think considering how close the birth is...any court would grant that. I don't understand his timing....think it sucks. But usually you have thirty days....seems to me like OW might be scrambling to see it done before the baby comes. I think you might want to drag your heels....for tow huge reasons:

First of all, what we know about biochemistry is that infatuation "peaks" at the 3 to 6 month mark. Before that, most intervention to end affairs is not very successful....but once it starts waning....things change! Big time. Add a baby to that mix, and I have a feeling that things aren't going to be going so well in la la land.

Durham - I'm glad to hear from you, I've been thinking about you this week. It sounds like you are hanging in there. These WH's are unbelievable, but it sounds like you have a good strong head on your shoulders and that is what your child will need.

Hang in there durham!

I was wondering how things were going for you lately... Sorry about the D papers. I know you want to get this over with at this point. Delaying the papers may help, but maybe not. You'll know what is right for you.

Are you still planning for him to be at the delivery? We don't allow camcorders at our maternity unit (I am a nurse there), only afterwards.

As St*rfish says, he is in superthick fog that is due to start lifting soon...Wish we could perform a fogectomy!! Or at least get his head out of his a$$!

Dear Durham,

Is it still your plan to get custody and vistation set before the baby arrives, in exchange for agreeing to joint custody?

If you are feeling more up to Plan B, you could plan ahead, for a more remote hospital. Doctors often have privileges at more than one hospital. Or your doctor may have an associate, or working relationship with a doctor who has privileges at a hospital that you feel is sufficiently remote. By making an appointment with the associate physician before delivery, you may be able to access the more remote hospital.

By keeping track of the spacing of the contractions, you can sometimes judge how long you have untill you need to be at the hospital.

Does the Visitation order say anything about visitation at birth? Did the divorce papers include the Order of Visitation? Are you supposed to sign the Visitation Order and return it to H's attorney? Has your lawyer had a chance to review the papers? What does your lawyer say? Has your lawyer given you a clear picture of how to get the visitation and custody Order certified, and how to delay other proceedings?

Have you given up on H? Or are you still Standing?

Blessings

<small>[ July 18, 2004, 03:55 PM: Message edited by: Whaler ]</small>

dirham,

Gosh, we have all been so worried about you!!!!

Glad to hear you and baby are okay. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anyway, I have to agree with starfish and whaler.

Could you please give us all some info?

You have some really great people that are posting to you here, especially starfish. Whom is a qualified person, so to speak.

I am not. I know that your situation has touched me, when I do not post to hardly anyone here.

We are all here to help you.

In my VHO, PLEASE do not let WS bring any video cams to delivery. This is not a movie. This is your life, your baby. You have the power.

YOU ARE WORTHY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

PS. I would delay all legalities until baby has arrived.

As you know I was in your sitch, when my daughter was born and I have to agree with star*fish. Everything will change when baby comes. Especially and most importantly for you. I didn't want my X back after, but he wanted back. What I ended up with was a very good dad for my daughter and a good friend, and coparent.

Only good is going to come from the birth of this baby, whether you want your husband back or not.

Weaver

Dear Durham,

I was the one serving D papers 2 months before my daughter was born.

I put the papers on hold shortly after due to my own serious health problems - I had to drop everything and just take care of myself and the pregnancy.

BS wives have a hard time cutting through the fog and to compete with the OW .... but a new baby can very often do quite a whammy on the OW, and boy don't they know it. My husband's OW dragged my husband to an attorney desperately trying to get us divorced before the baby was born <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I ended up refiling for divorce after the baby was born, but by then, our new daughter had the first slot in my husband's heart and by our first court date, he was telling me desperately that he'd do whatever it took to come home. And he did. Our daughter was the key motivator to get him to come home.

So don't give up hope - I know it looks very dark right now. Stall the proceedings as much as you can. Nothing will make the OW more crazy than a bunch of rational people agreeing that you cant deal with the 9th month of pregancy AND a divorce. Give her lots of things to LB about! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I know my husbands OW couldnt figure out why I wasn't out looking for a job at 7mths into my pregnancy!

((((((((( hugs)))))))))

ditto star*fish and Rosie. Good advice.

We're all hanging in there for you and hopefully you'll derive some strength from us.

I'm tempted to say keep the slimeball away from the delivery, if you legally can. But as a Dad myself, witnessing two deliveries, being at delivery had a powerful impact on me and confirmed my repsect, admiration, and love for my wife. For me it was the ultimate bonding. Similarly, it could have a huge impact on your H.

Then again, I hadn't been abducted by aliens.

I wish I knew the perfect answer for you about this aspect.

Just do what you believe is right for you and the baby.

I have been focusing on getting everything ready for the baby. My family and friends have came over to help and I have been doing lots of things to stay busy. All I think is that my WH is the one who will be missing out and that makes me feel good.
We have agreed to custody that is one of the reasons D papers came. My attorney is on vacation until August so I am pretty much going to stall unless I am contacted to do more.
Our agreed schedule is 8 total hours a week. He is already trying to get more telling me that if I need a babysitter he hopes I would call him. Whatever. He has also said that if I need help in the middle of the night he is just a phone call away.
His friendliness drive me nuts. He called a friend of mine to get an address for a couple who just had a baby. I am really close with them and attend church with them. They are disgusted by him and he knows it. He wants to send them a congratulations card. It seems he just cant accept that people do not like him.

I know what you mean when you say WH will be the one missing out. One thing they don't realize is everything that goes on before the baby is born. Do you think they think about what kind of car seat they will need or a diaper bag? Nope, we are the ones that have to take care of that. Plus can you image only being able to see your baby 8 hours a week??? Completely insane. I am planning on doing everything on my own, we have to. Someone has to be a rock for this child. If WH does step up and act like a real father, not just someone who stops by for a few hours to visit, great but these WH's have proven they can't be counted on. It's not easy but I know it will be worth it. I know when I hold my child in my arms that I have done everything I possibly could for this baby. WH can't feel the same.

He will miss the single most important event in his life. Unfortunately , he will make a huge withdrawal from your love bank, and he doesn't even know it. Curse that wretched FOG!

I'm not sure about switching OB providers/hospitals, but check it out. You're probably best to stick with who you already are familiar with. I almost went to my parents area to deliver, but my OB convinced me to maintain my current support system. Plus, I work there and was ure glad my dear friends were around me, loving me and supporting me. WH sure wasn't!

As I've told you before, and kloe too...my WH was there for the birth of our third child, but he was in withdrawal the entire time (he didn't stay for any length of time more than 2-3 hours. He always had to leave to do "something" or he "wasn't comfortable". I see now that it was physical withdrawals from OW (they were living together at the time).

We couldn't even spend more than an hour together in those days, it was too painful. He has moved back in (mostly) but now is off to another state for new job, but it did get much better as time went on. He is not "into" newborns, so now that our D is older he is bonding with her well.

I leaned on my family and friends. I'm not one to ask for anything, but I was so exhausted I had no choice. I will never be able to pay them back for their help, I will be forever grateful. Just don't count on your WH for anything...yet.