Due to my youngest impending matriculation into college next month, My WW wants to stay here and be he for the son this summer. We are going to separate and she is going to live with the other manin her life. She is moving half way across the country to do this and won't be close to me or her children. My dilema is this-how do I treat her while she is here? I am so angry and grieve for the loss of this marriage that there are times that I lash out at her verbally. I met with my IC today who said now is the time to take care of me. I am going to ask her to move into the spare bedroom tonight and not sleep with me till she leaves. Has anyone out there had to deal with this kind of situation and can you offer any advice? The A continues as he called today and I answered but the coward would not speak to me. I find this ongoing affair while she is he painful and extremely disrespectful. Your thoughts please. I have been Plan Ang but to not avail. I am beginning to find it hard to be civil to her.

hopeful, I think you had better get into Plan B.... and quick! I think you are an explosion waiting to happen and this situation is very destructive to your mental health. You are basically having the affair rubbed in your nose every day and that is very hard for anyone to take.

I think that her affair has NO HOPE of ending if there are no consequences. And there are no consequences if she can live with all the comforts and security of home and carry on her affair. She needs to find her own place if she is going to carry on this affair. That might wake her up a bit to not have the comfort and security of her family. Women HATE losing their home and furniture.

And I also fear that you are under so much pressure from her profoundly cruel behavior that you will do something to PERMANENTLY damage your marriage, which would hurt any chance of future reconciliation.

The affair is probably temporary but you could cause permanent damage to each other in this explosive situation. That is why its best to go into Plan B when a situation reaches such a critical point.

So do yourself a favor, hope, go to Plan B now. Tell her thanks but no thanks, but this won't work with her living in the same house and carrying on her affair. She needs to find another flop house.

Have you given any thought to calling the Harleys for a counseling session? He could assess your situation and put you on the right path.

I am so sorry. So, let me get this straight...

She is involved in an affair, but wants to live in your house for the summer to "be there" for your son and daughter because your daughter will be leaving for college?

Does she think that actively engaging in an affair while living in your home is going to set a good example for the kids? Is she intending to spend a lot of quality time with them?

Do they know that she is going to be moving far away and that this is a temporary hotel for their Mom?

How do they feel about it?

Are you expected to play "nice" while she is living in your home and the OM is calling your phone?

She has made her choices...yep, her timing stinks, but that is her's to live with. You should not be expected to live in your own home under these circumstances.

I would suggest that she finds a hotel or a friend to stay with until she is ready to leave for good, OR cut off all contact with the OM and remain in the house spending time with the kids and in a seperate bedroom.

She's having her cake and eating it and your feelings are being trampled on.

Again, I am very sorry, hope this next month passes quickly and you can get on with your life. Ladysing

I am going to ask her to move to the spare bedroom. I have asked her not to talk to him at least while she lives here. But I don't believe for a second there will be no contact. As far as the son who is leaving for college he is staying away as much a s possible. The other issues is that the separation agreement has yet to be signed. I hope to get it form my lawyer next week. Once I have her name on the dotted line I will be in a better position to force action. In the meantime, I'm trying my best to survive.
Melody you are so wise. My IC told me today that in one year I am going to be a very sought after bachelor and that made me feel really good. My WW has had 3 afairs during our marriage that I found out about just recently. As far as permanently damaged our marriage it has already happened. My IC also said to use my head and not my heart.

Sorry hopeful, I got the gender wrong, it's your son who is going away.

I have had 2 sons leave for college and one who will go in a year, it's an adjustment to say the least for everyone.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this issue at this time but am glad to read that you see a positive outcome for yourself. You will get through this and be able to get on with your life.

Thoughts to you, Ladysing