I really would like my husband to come to this site. I think it could really help him deal with the pain of my affair. You all have been such an amazing support system, and have already taught me so much. Thanks. Please share your ideas for getting my hubby here too.

All you can really do is point him here...he has to take the action on his own.

I have been mentioning MB for a few months now. We had already done all of the questionaires, etc.

He noticed I was on a forum and I said it was really helping me and that we are not the only ones who are going through this.

I found a WH thread over the weekend and left it open for him, sent him to the computer, and he checked it out. Next thing I know, he was registering. He posted once, but didn't like anyone's opinion (of course!). I don't know if he will post again because he is fogbound and feels completely justified for his evil A.

He gets annoyed when he sees me on MB, but then again, I get really annoyed that he is having a blatant A! Oh well, Fogman!

I am a FWW...started posting here in May, at my husband's suggestion (he is Recovering H)...I put off checking it out because I figured I would read a lot of things i didn't want to hear, and when I finally did, I came on in a defensive manner and didn't "like" a lot of the "opinions". Recovering H just said you have to just "overlook" some of them, as he didn't necessarily agree with all of them either! I'm not sure now if that was his "technique" to keep me posting and reading, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> or if he was sincere, but it worked nevertheless and doesn't matter anyway! Besides, if your husband doesn't agree with opinions, he's free to "argue" with us....I have found that most of the people here take it well and respond patiently.
All you can do is ask him to give it a better chance....he can still make up his own mind about what he reads, but the longer you can keep him on, the more likely he will start to see differently! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good luck to you!

Julie

<small>[ July 19, 2004, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: onlywords ]</small>

P.S.

Also, Recovering H told me I didn't have to tell him my screen name, or even if I posted. When I first came on, I did it in response to a post he made, but of course, he didn't know it was me.... He figured it out pretty quick, though....it ended up to be a good way to start communicating for us!

And if you want, I can delete my post, so it doesn't look like you're trying to trick him if he happens to read this. K?

Take care,
Julie

Well he came. I knew he would be mad at me for posting our personal life on the web. He posted on my thread. It was great, since he actually saw things I had left out about my previous infideliies, that were important for me to post.

I hope he will come back. Please pray he will open his heart to you guys. You guys have all been where he is, and I know you can help him heal...divorce or not.

Thanks!

LLG: The first time on here for some people is hard, especially when they are referred here. (In my case, onlywords and in your case your H.) They have expectations and then when they are different it frustrates them.

This board, while great, is not for everybody. Sometimes, it is a matter of timing. I've seen BH come on here and try to rip a new one for FWW's. They are just venting. As I read earlier, this is a process. Some are receptive to it, and others aren't.

And as onlywords said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Recovering H just said you have to just "overlook" some of them, as he didn't necessarily agree with all of them either! I'm not sure now if that was his "technique" to keep me posting and reading, or if he was sincere, but it worked... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is true that I said that. What is also true is that I believe it. There are some people here that have more credibility that others and then there are others that you listen to, but don't necessarily agree with. Some people argue or debate in their threads, I may try to convince some people but not others. It just kind of depends on the topic. (It doesn't seem worth it to me to argue, so I just let those posts pass.)

Good luck and tell your H this is kinda of like the Rush Limbaugh radio show (he says you have to listen to his show for six weeks and you'll be hooked). Though I don't think it takes the full six weeks to get hooked on this site. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God Bless!
Rich

LLG: I missed your other threads with justpete. I guess he made it.

As I said before, it is a process. Be as truthful and honest with your H as he needs. 3000 miles makes it especially tough for the both of you. But if you believe in God, then put your life and situation in his hands. He will not fail you. You will still need to learn to understand what you have done. You will still need to work on yourself. If justpete allows, you may get the opportunity to work on your marriage with him. Just be ready!

Best of luck and love to both of you!
Rich

Back to the original question...

My H has never asked me or forced me in any way to come here and read, or especialy to post. This is something that I have done on my own. But, yes because he was here.

I came once before when we were having an especially difficult time. I posted...and didn't really get the response or support I was looking for.

It took me a few more months...and then a call from XOM to shake me up enough again for me to come back.

In fact, about two months ago, I actually accused Top Rope of spending way too much time here.

But now, looking back, (hindsight is 20/20), I'm glad he came back.

I have greatly appreciated the care and concern, the support and advice, and even the advice I knew I would never take. This really has been a good experience for me.

And I know it has helped TR.

Sometimes it just takes a crisis, even a minor one to shake things up and "knock" some sense into those of us that are too stubborn to think that we may need an outside source of help or advice.

<small>[ July 19, 2004, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: screwed up royally ]</small>