I still have her password and I got curious as she seems to be warming up to me these days.

Well unfortunately I found the usual lovey dovey stuff including reference to an upcoming trip to Asia. Great.

Also found a realtor sending her info on houses in OM,s city. She may not move our children according to the pending separation agreement, so I don't know what she has up her sleeve there. If she tries, the gloves are off.

I just read SerindipiT's post of the 94% of legal separations end in divorce. I'm starting to think the best revenge on a man that takes your wife is to let him have her.

I'm stunned, angry and bummed.

This sucks.

Sorry you are so down, Binder. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Another side to that is that 6% of separations end in reconciliation. Chances are slim but there is still a chance.

When are you going into Plan B? And does the OMW know the affair is still going strong?

Dude. Do not read the email. Only lets you see the first hand the cobweb covered, dark, dank evil of the A. Ugly place.... :: shudder::

When WH moved out, I did this psycho woman thing (and that saying about hell hath no fury like a scorned woman is true). He had just signed the lease on his apt, and had not yet moved out of the house. So, I asked if I could borrow his car one day to head up to the drug store (he was parked behind me in the driveway). So I grabbed his keys. Then I headed to Lowes and got duplicates made of every key on his ring, so I would have access to his place and know what was going on (I know, scarrrrrrrry...be afraid, very afraid). Anyway, several times after that I did visit his place. I would see emails in his computer, see mail she sent him, pictures she sent him. It would really tear me up. And my friend who knew would beg me not to go. What was the point???

I just threw away that key about 3 weeks ago, and I am glad I did. I am leaving what WH is up to in God's hands.

That is not to say you should not keep the password. I am also not saying that it is not helpful to see what she is concocting, especially as a means to protect yourself. But, I would just recommend that you not torture yourself often, and emotionally prepare for the worst before you sign in.

And as far as the stat....well...Binder, I hate to say it, but of the 50/50 shot you have of making a marriage work on a good day, throw in adultery, we are pretty much screwed anyways. So, please don't base your decisions on the stats. Besides, of those who would make it out of adultery, I think MBers have the best shot. And if it does survive, at least you will be equipped to make it ROCK!

Thanks ML, the eternal optimist.

OMW doesn't want to stay in touch, she's bright and educated, but horribly naïve
and does not feel comfortable with the snooping. Apparently one should stand facing the corner while someone destroys you life behind your back. People have been sentenced to die with less evidence than I have on these two. I’ve offered it all and even sent her a copy of SAA.

The lawyers are dragging out the separation agreement, but I expect closure on that in a couple of weeks, then the letter. I’m looking forward to removing myself from this drama.

Hi Binder,

Sorry that things aren't looking up for you either.I did a Plan A the last three weekends my WH was home.It took all I had to do it but I did for one last attempt to make my WH see what he is giving up.He seemed to be happy and enjoyed our time together with the kids but it was all for not.

He still feels that a D is the answer and he is with the homewrecker right now instead of his family as he promised.Now that my SIL told him that he is giving us all(both families) false hope with the way he acts around me he has stopped even asking about me to the kids.He of course still thinks that we will be friends and wants that.Even after all the times I told him that it's not going to happen.He won't get so much as a phone call from me again.

It's so great knowing that this man I loved for 20 years finds it so easy to destroy my life,make my daughters sad and cry and feels fine being a "part time" dad.When we separated,twice,each time it lead to nowhere and more pain.Separation does nothing but separate you,it doesn't help IMO.The only thing keeping me sane is that I know I have my WH's family behind me and I am taking WH for all he's got.

I agree whole heartedly,this sux big time.I want justice.The homewrecker must pay and she will.

O

I feel your pain too now! This really sucks!

I have to thank my marriage counselor who first suggested a “constructive separation” shortly after the revelation of the EA. I also have to thank myself for allowing WW to withdraw the money from our joint line of credit to put down on her house. If I’d found this site 8 mos. ago I’m convinced I wouldn’t be in this situation. However, that’s all wasted energy.

I too have my MIL on my side. FIL doesn’t really care because he left MIL for another woman who, by the way, left him for another man. This is standard procedure in his head!

Prepare yourself O. Sorry to say, but blood is thicker. Enjoy the support while it lasts, I’ve seen these things change over time and I am confident my MIL will accept her daughter again eventually, no matter what.

I too will not be WW’s pal. Who would keep her as a friend after what she has done. I will honor my vows if she returned and would make a wonderful marriage, I wouldn’t settle for less. If we D, forget it. Plan B for life. It appeals to my loner persona anyways.

Hi again,

I don't really "get" a constructive separation.It seems like an oxymoron to me.

Anyway,I know that my In-Laws still love my WH and talk with him but it's changed,I see it.I know for a fact that the HW will never be welcomed,that's what I bank on.It's one thing if we got D'd and THEN he got involved with that person but she stands for all evil and destruction of marriage.Yes my WH is to blame as well but if she backed off and was any kind of decent person,she wouldn't have gotten involved.My WH is their son but this homewrecker is nothing to them.They owe her nothing,accept no loyalties and don't ever want to see her or know her name.They told me this and are even telling me that they would univite WH to our big family island vacation next summer unless he gets his act together.My SIl says the same.

Yes that could change but I don't think so.Blood may be thicker than water but it's still a loose bind at that.WH cannot just erase 20 years like that.I am as close to my WH's family as I can possibly be without being a biological daughter.They realize too that their ties with the grandchildren are jeopardized if all is not well between us.Not that I would ever keep them from seeing my children but that it would be all the more difficult to be together if they are accepting of that HW.

Anyway, it sounds like your FIL has taught your WW the ways in which to inflict pain on their loved ones.It's a terrible legacy,like D.

O

Binder,

First, know that I am sorry for your plight and hate that you are in such a tough spot. It must be the pits.

I also agree that this ALL SUCKS!

However, I am puzzled somewhat by your post.

On the one hand you start your Thread  with:
"I should NEVER check her e-mail". 

However, then on the other hand you respond back with: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By Binder:
OMW doesn't want to stay in touch, she's bright and educated, but horribly naïve
and does not feel comfortable with the snooping. Apparently one should stand facing the corner while someone destroys you life behind your back. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Guess, I'm just a bit confused about where you stand on all this.

These 2 statements seem to appear to contradict one another.
I'm sure you know what YOU mean (in context). Could you help me see what you mean as well?  Cause I'm NOT getting it. [Totally NOT trying to be a smart a*s].

Are You just lamenting the fact that you wish your situation was like the Toby Keith song:
"I wish I didn't know NOW ... what I didn't know then"???

I suspect that you mean you Hate the fact that there is ALL this hurtful and painful information out there to know......but you'd still Rather KNOW the truth, then be taken advantage of OR made a Fool of by WW and OM.

I KNOW you don't mean (as it reads) that YOU shouldn't know what's going on, but somehow the OMW should. (Of course that makes no sense, so please just clarify for me).

As I said I am confused here (not hard to do sometimes) so if you'd be so kind as to clarify your thoughts to this "lost one", I'd appreciate it.

Forgive me if I just plain missed IT......its late and guess I should quit reading when it is.

Thanks

I wish I had that much support.

WW's 1/2 sister: the product of FIL's adulterous and ultimately defunct union, the one that was marrying this fall, and had asked me to be the MC,the aunt to our children, went with WW to a function in OM's city and was introduced to him. 3 weeks after the PA was revealed! She didn't have a problem with it feels she should support her half sister no matter what.

Look like your HW is up against a formidable opposition with his family. Maybe it will wear him down over time.

Top Rope, sorry for the delay as I was wrassling kids and posting to O.

Also thanks for the interest and astute observation.

To clarify, the snooping now really serves no purpose other than to spill a few more guts from the disembowelment I have already experienced. So yes, it just continues to keep the pain alive. I really know enough to have a clear picture of their level of involvement without going through the steps I did. I assume the worst and prepare for it accordingly; anything else then will be a pleasant surprise.

OMW has not contacted me for a couple of months now. To convince her I had to snoop and confirm the obvious as well as give her the “tools” to do the same. She was reluctant to do so as she didn’t feel it was the appropriate course of action. She also felt it improper getting the surreptitiously gleaned info from me. She was, and maybe still is, under the impression she is working with her H to heal the marriage. For her, the research would serve a purpose, for me, not. I have more information, but it does not provide me with another approach or tactic, just more pain. Hence the apparent contradiction.

It’s trivia.

It merely speaks to a lack of discipline on my part giving an illusion of control of a situation where I really have none.

You look for clarity.

That’s a virtue.

I wish I had more.

Binder,

It still serves a purpose for you. This is the kind of question that you would throw to her down the road to determine if she is really repentant FWW or just FWW that you can't never trust her.

It also serves the purpose of making you stronger since you know what type of WW she is. So if she ever wants to come back, you remember not just to roll a red carpet home.

I let him have her and let her has it ... I never regret it and I even thank them helping me to realize that I could have a new and fulfilling R/M. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Live Learn Love

-rh-

Actually, maybe it's not trivia.

With a continued lack of discipline I found out it appears the WW and OM were planning a trip to a 3rd world country to help the folks there as they are both in the medical profession.

Very altruistic.

It also appears the agency to sponsor them is a Christian based mission organization. They missed out on this summer’s mission, but have remained on their list for future missions. The snooping gave me their contact for the agency. It also gave me a copy of their application form which asks pointed questions regarding their Christian faith.

OM is an atheist.

They are adulterers.

I don't think this agency would like to contribute to that.

I wish I had the ability to write the E-mail as effectively as I've seen displayed by some of the members here.

Geez, I just saw SerindipiT posted to me too. Sorry I didn't acknowledge that.

I would love to have your ability to write the Email. I still fondly remember your Email to WH company and the referrals to the BFW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Binder, I would gladly tap into the vault, and write for you a tasteful, yet direct email about WW, OM, and their disgusting behavior. Just say the word.

I just may do that. I'll keep you "posted".

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Binder,

Be wise as a snake and innocent as a dove.

Use the information you have gleaned on emails to best decide what to do. You are still the spouse. You have every right to check those emails. Use them to help you make the correct decisions, your plans. The correct plans.

But please step back, do not react. Step back and decide what is healthist for you, marriage, etc., before you act.

Anyway, hugs to you. And God Bless you, you are WORTHY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M