All right, this has gotten old fast. Another day of “What’s your wife doing today, is she still seeing that guy?” followed by another night of “When’s mommy coming home?” Something better happen soon or I’m done. I cannot believe just how selfish and truly irresponsible she (WW) is. And I can’t believe the so-called “friends” that she has that obviously do not support her marriage or family commitment. What kind of friends are these? The kind that say, “You need to be your own person” or “You need to be away from him for a while to make sure he’s right for you” or “Lets go out and party again tonight.”

A few days after D-Day, I told her I wanted to work it out. But I also told her that she needed to decide what she wanted and she needed to decide soon. I told her I was not going to share her with anyone and that if she decided she wanted to continue to see OM, then we should get divorced. I told her separation would not work for me, it was all or nothing, that if she wanted to spend her nights and intimate moments with OM, then she needed to be COMPLETELY free to do so. I guess I feel that it is just not right for a married woman to be out parting and sleeping with someone other than her husband, PERIOD. So if she doesn’t want to act married maybe she shouldn’t be married.

It is about time she learned that her actions and behavior have consequences. What’s that saying? If you love something let it go … Well, she hasn’t got much longer until she’s let go. I need to be able to plan for the future; I can’t be put on hold for months or years until she figures it out. If she comes back soon, great, I’m still willing to try and fix this marriage, but if she waits much longer, then sorry, her loss. I don’t care that someone held out for two years before their Plan A paid off. How miserable were those two years.

This stupid [censored] separation will have the same effect on the children as a divorce anyway. So, what’s the difference? The difference is she will be completely free to be out partying and doing whatever or whoever she pleases. She wont have to worry about trying to hide it from me, and I wont have to worry about having to pick her up and put her back together again when she falls apart.

You know, the sad part is that tomorrow I will probably regret this post and feel like I can wait a little while longer. This sucks.

Are you taking care of yourself, and trying to have a nice life without her? That is very important, otherwise it is too hard to keep on going.

There are lots of ups and downs on this rollercoaster.

Lost -

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know, the sad part is that tomorrow I will probably regret this post and feel like I can wait a little while longer. This sucks.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It does, doesn't it? That darn roller coaster...keeps going and going and going.

Hang in there. Take care of yourself.

sss

Yes I know what you mean. WW become so selfish and neglectfull. They get a self-rightous attitude that someone owes them something. Especially during a mid-life crisis with associated depression.

hey buddy my story is exactly like yours and I have 2 children, my wife does the same thing and my kids ask the same questions. I know it is very frustrating,very frustrating. I feel your pain. these postings can give you good advice. This is what I had too do. My wifes 2nd affair in 1 yr. She has a drinking problem and is not a happy person so is trying to find her happiness at others expense. I moved out to my in laws duplex where I have support and they fully support me and they understand about this sickness. I am dealing with a disease and not my wife. Kids are with me some nights. She does not party when she is with them. She says this marriage is over but she is in a fog and clouded judgement with the drinking I do not believe anything she says. If you explain to your children very carefully it may not be as bad on them. We told ours that we just need to work on some things but we are always there for them etc. although my 10yr daughter knows the real deal and is ashamed of her mother.Wife can have the pool ,yard, dogs and cat and lets see if she likes taking care of all that between drinks and boyfriend. This may not help you but it my only chance of getting my wife to get help and straighten up. do not believe anything she tells you and believe me she is feeling guilty but will drink to kill the pain. If you divorce, keeps notes on all this and you can custody of the kids.Being away from my wife a limiting contact to minium will help me to let her go and take my eyes off her and on me and my childre. I will be going to alanon to better help me understand her disease and to better deal with her. Good luck, I know what a broken heart feels like and so do other on this site

Hi Lost,

We all know what you are going through.You are so early in this game too,I know how hard that is.One day you want to punch someone's lights out,the next you are a crumpled up pile of pain.

I am many months down the road and can say that I am really done with my WH and just waiting to get on with the D.If he one day comes out of his selfishness to repent,there may be a chance but I highly doubt it.I don't want him back.There is too much pain under the bridge to ever consider believing/trusting him again.

Don't worry,you will get to a place where it's not so bad all the time.You become more important and realize that your children are why you get up in the morning.That you DO matter even if our WS's don't think so.

Don't regret your posts but rather think of it as a healing way to vent your emotions, whatever they are.The topic of "friends" seems to be popping up today and it's no mystery what kind of friends we need and should have and what we DON'T need and should not have.Anyone supporting the A or encouraging your WW toward her "entitlements" and all other's be dam*** in the process should be dropped like a hot potato.

O

<small>[ July 18, 2004, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

I am all about tough love.

All or nothing.
It's rediculous to make someone sit around and wait for a WS to "find" themself. In the mean time, you suffer, the children suffer and for what? So when the WS is READY or tires of A they can just come running home and then the real HARD work begins?

Take care of YOU and carry on. There are women in this world who will appreciate you.
Sorry...I'm not in a great or understanding mood tonight guys.
If today was my Dday...there'd be some hefty bags in the back of a truck right about now.

God Bless you and I'm sending my prayers for your strength.