For the past two weeks WW has been hounding me about moving out of the house. She has been asking me where I would like my DV papers served, and even asked me if I had received them yet. I finally went to an attny and retained him. He told me she hadn't filed anything with the courthouse yet.

I checked with his office for a few days and then finally filed the DV paperwork myself. Before I filed I asked her directly if she had filed yet, and she promised me she did. Since the fact was there were no filings I wondered why she would say that. So I was worried that she was running up bills and debt, of which she has a history. I filed to protect myself and the kids.

She found out the next day. Her attny found out I had already filed and called her.

She was mad. She asked me how I could file for DV? It was against my religion.... what would my dead parents think ... what will the kids think... etc etc.

Then she wanted to know what I cited as the reason. I told her that we should let the attny's handle it, I'm not ready to talk to her about it. She asked if cited "irreconcilable differences". She told me I had "better not have cited adultury"

What is the difference? She sleeps all day because she is on the phone or computer with her west coast OM all night long.

I thought there would be some relief for her/us with the DV being filed... but she has hounded me since. Never wanted to talk before, but now pursues me, checks MB for posts and emails.

<small>[ July 19, 2004, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Do you want to save your marriage or get a divorce?

Trying to make the right changes for both of us. Didn't Plan A very well yesterday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . WW is fast depleting any feelings I have left.

I do want to keep the family together. When I look at the kids .... and realize what will happen to them after the DV. Heck during the whole process.... it makes me sick inside. How could she/we do this to them?

Believer, WW is hellbent on DV. I will continue to work on fixing my failings. I am verbally attacked daily, and she even hollers now. She hasn't hollered in a long time.

<small>[ July 18, 2004, 08:08 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Well it's probably not very helpful, but that is how the typical WW acts. She got into the A to meet some kind of need. See if you can figure it out and meet it.

In the meantime, work on yourself.

Tom,
I'm not really sure, of course, but, it sucks to have the 'cat out of the bag', and her fear of having adultery as cause, welcome to reality. Good job on not saying why you filed to her. I think that was very good. It sounds like she is none to happy with the reality now staring her square in the face, and since you had failed on your other plans, I think you did yourself justice by taking the hard stance of actually filing. Just so she understands, filing and being divoriced are completely different things...my wife's parents reconciled their divorice the day before the court meeting, and that was following a judge ordained 90 day extension, because he felt something wasn't right.

Good job. I know it doesn't feel that way, and normally, I would never encourage someone to divorice, but I also have seen how many fail at plan a and plan b, and following through on something gives you some credibility back in your wife's eyes, whether she likes it or not.

Hang in there.

Her actions speak volumes about her fear of you taking control of the situation. She was OK with taking $7K from you when you wanted to pay off some debt. She was also Ok with attempting to throw you out of the house, but not with you filing for divorce before she did. You may ask her what she was going to list as the basis for divorce? Also ask why it would be OK in her eyes for her to file instead of you? Could it be that she wanted to say that you were an abusive spouse in hopes of swaying the judge? An abusive spouse would not normally be the one to file first, so you may have thrown a monkey wrench in her plans. Look for her to be extremely mad and upset with you for taking control away from her. Stay the course and don't let her talk you out of backing out of the divorce unless she is willing to to end the affair, send a NC letter and go to counselling.

Rook and Amafish,

We are most definitely going to finish the DV. Things are in motion now. She will not stop with the OM. She is like a school girl waiting by the phone. He is taking care of his life, and playing my wife like a guitar. Strumming all the right strings. I found her sleeping with the phone under her pillow. My children basically have a mom who is living on Las Vegas time. I don't know how she plans on keeping a job when she stays up all night and sleeps till noon. She has lots of opportunities to work, but doesn't. But she doesn't have too because I'm here feeding her and keeping a roof over her head.

She is only looking for her own wants. I have to make sure the children are taken care of. I don't trust her to do that. Had a plan to send them off to college, now that is done. Have to make a new plan now and will. She will, and has done nothing. She acts like a stepmom, completely overlooking the kids for OM.

How could I ever trust that again. If it was just me it would be one thing I might be able to work through it. But the kids... Jesus! She is thier mom?

<small>[ July 18, 2004, 08:11 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Tom,

Sorry you are hurting. The bit with the cruelty to the kids is probably what finally drained the LB account and depleted all feelings I had for my WH. I literally had my ten year old crying himself to sleep at night in my bed, hurting so bad. And it was taking million dollar withdrawals the whole time.

Stay the course. Sometimes God wants us to suit up, get ready, shod with the armor of God, and then you know what he tells us to do?

STAND.

Not fight, not anything. Just sit back and stand. Let him do the work for you!