This is my first posting here although I have been reading the site all day long. I have been scared to post anything because of my situation, but I desperately need to talk and there is just no one I can talk to right now.

I am an XWW. Friday at 4:34pm my two year A with a MM ended mutually because, as many of you have suggested to others, people who were growing suspcious of us started to put some major pressure on us. It snapped us out of the fog we had apparently been in and made us see our actions for what they were. He has accepted a new job that he starts next week, so we will no longer see each other. I am not going to ramble on and on about us, because if there is one thing my reading today has done, it has shown me that nothing I have felt has been unique, no matter how it seemed. But I will say that even though there was no way that I could go on doing what we were doing, ending the relationship was one of the most painful things I have experienced.

I told my H that evening, and he has left for the weekend to think. I have no idea what he is going to do, but he is not back yet. All he said before he left was, "Do you think I am *#@*ing stupid?" So, I guess he knew. How could he not?

Basically, I am sitting in my house, feeling a brand of sorrow that I never even knew existed. In one weekend, I feel that I have lost two men that I loved, and I have no one to blame except myself. I don't need a lecture on my behavior. I have disgraced my personal and professional reputation, my family, and most of all myself. I have become that very woman that I have always hated, and I am tortured by the idea of what is going on in his house since he has two tiny children. I never meant to become who I have become.

What is my first step here? How do I try to fix a M with an amazing man who deserves so much better than what I have given him while also trying to re-program myself to stop caring for a man that I wrongly allowed myself to fall in love with. Knowing I am doing the right thing is not helping this feeling that I am having that the whole world is falling apart!

Repentance is painful. but GREAT. Heaven awaits- go and sin no more.....welcome to MB.

PEACE OUT

What is my first step here?

Read everything on the "concepts" area this site... buy and read infidelity books... and commit yourself to strict NO CONTACT ... no matter what feelings you have.

Best of luck.

Pep

I'll disagree with Pep on this one....

First step?

Call his wife, tell her what she's likely suspected, and apologize.

THEN write a no contact letter to OM, with a cc to his wife AND ask your H to approve it and mail it for you when he gets back.

After that, you can begin to recover, but not a moment earlier.

<small>[ July 18, 2004, 08:32 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Hi snowyday,

Welcome.

If you truly want help to save your marriage this is the best place to be.You are in for a LONG haul though and will need all the support you can get.If you only ended the A since last Friday,your feelings of withdrawal are going to hit hard.Keep coming here for support.This is the best thing you can do despite all the pain you will feel.It is very wrong to be involved with a married man and if anyone should feel pain,it should be you and the MM.I don't mean to sound harsh but it is what you both need to bear in order to do the right thing for the marriages and for the children.

The journey back to a healthy and healing heart is step by step,doing those things that will help those you have hurt and doing those things that do not hurt other's.In time, a long time,you will feel better.You may not see that now but it is possible.You have to be willing to do the work and most importantly,realize that enduring the pain of *not ever* seeing the OM again(especially after 2 years) is necessary for you to have that chance.Like giving birth to a child,a woman knows that pain is always a part of it but it is so worth going through for the ultimate outcome.

You already realize how badly this choice you made has affected your wellbeing and those around you,and you are here for help.Take a deep breath and know that at least you have started off on the right foot.Also,I agree that you have to write the OM a NC letter so he knows for sure that it is over and done with.Like a contract with yourself for a better way of life.

I hope you will stick with us.We can help but it's tough.Be prepared for that.

O

snowyday - Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. There is a whole gang of former WW's here. Check out the posts of Broken Vessel, runawaypot, Chackler, KiwiJ. They are working through this mess, and you can too.

SnowyDay,

I'm glad you're here, too. Me and other FWW's understand the massive pain you are feeling right now. We will do our best to hold you up as you go through this "nightmare". Please believe all of us who say that the nightmare won't last forever.

Your husband's reaction is normal, too. I will be praying for him to decide he wants to get through this with you.

E.L. Doctorow said :

"It's like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way."

That's basically the way it works when dealing with the aftermath of an affair. The good news is that although you can't quite see how you'll get "there", it is 100% possible, if you keep going.

Hugs,

Julie

hi snowyday, how are you holding up? have you and your H talked yet? my thoughts and prayers are with you.