Hello all my MB friends....I have been away for awhile...doing Plan B twice...not very good at it though....Each time, WH would say he ended it and send the NC letter, then I would let him back home...only for him to fall back into the A sometimes days or even hours later! Acting like he was going thru withdrawal, only to find out he was miserabl cuz he was leading his double life again!

The good thing about all this is that I really changed over this time....I became a much stronger person...I believe I can go on WITH or WITHOUT my WH...

I'll cut out all of the in between stuff as it really doens't matter at this point...you can read about all that over at the other board if you wish...

On June 25th WH came home for the last time...after going on a family camping trip, I told him when we got home that if he makes ONE phone call to her, he was out of the house AGAIN...Well, we got home on Monday, Wednesday he called, I he was out of the house that night. I pushed his car out of the garage aned put some clothes on ttop of the car for him.

He honestly did not think I was serious...BUT I Sure as HE** was! So now it is June 25...WH ends it once and for all with OW! We have a good week...we go drag racing together and I am scheduled to have surgery on July 8!

Everything is going well! I held his pager and his phone for that whole week! She called him NON STOP the first few days. Paged him 3 times over the 4th weekend...I called WH at work on July 6...I can tell something is wrong!

WH: hello
me: HI! how are you!
WH: ok
me: what's wrong???
WH: (doesn't say anything)
me: you called her didn't you???
WH: it's much worse than that!
me: what?
WH: she's pregnant!

The phone literally jumped out of my hand...that has never happened to me...I started crying uncontrollably...WH called me right back...told me to calm down! Said "you are having surgery in two days, you have to get it together....I AM NOT leaving my family! I love you"

I was hysterical...my WORST nightmare...

you see the ironic thing is that we decided that our family was complete! I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago, cuz we didnt' want anymore children...

WH left his family for his fantasy world only to have his fantasy world become his NEW family!

WH is very confused. I am confused. OW is being an absolute BI***!!! WH does not want this baby. He doens't want to have anything to do with it.

One day OW says she is going to get rid of it...the next she says she is keeping it and she doesn't want anything to do with WH...the next she says WH needs to own up to his responsibility....

One day WH says he doesn't want anything to do with the child, the next he says he MAY want to see it when it is born...

One day, I just cant live this way...The next I want to keep my WH and live with it...The next I am moving away and letting him have his new life.

You see, we are all so confused...

last night I asked WH how important his marriage was to him. He said in on hour that he was willing to move away...the next hour he says he CANT move away that his whole business is here...But he wants to do whatever it takes to save his marriage....

He said to me that we would be living on 1/2 of what we make now! I told him that I DONT CARE about that..he said that I would once we cant do the things we do now...I looked at him and said "you just dont get it do you..you have NO IDEA what mess you have gotten yourself into"

he sat there almost crying...I asked him again how important I was to him, our marriage was to him...

He sat there and bit his lip and looked like he was holding back the tears...who knows...but he said "IF OW has the abortion then I will never see her again...IF OW has the baby then I will have to move away."

We are seeing a lawyer on the 5th. I told WH I wanted ACTION! I am sick of all his words...they mean nothing to me anymore...I want to see some ACTION.

Anyway, any and all suggestions are welcome. Thanks!

I'm so sorry MO3B...

(((((((((((((mom))))))))))))))))

Mom,

I don't think I've ever replied to you, but I've been following your story on MB for months. I'm so sorry that it took such a dramatic turn and I truly feel for you and your three boys. You have some tough decisions to make and this is going to very difficult. I honestly think that it is time for you to think what YOU want out of YOUR life. Are you going to keep this going for a few more years - in and out of Plan A & B, husband leaves, comes back, leaves, gets thrown out, wants baby, doesn't want baby, wants marriage, doesn't want marriage, NC, broken NC...

This ought to be so hard for you.

I admire your strenght through all of this I know that I couldn't (and probably wouldn't) do it. It would become too exhausting for me - mentally as well as physically.

If OW is indeed pregnant and going to keep the baby, it is going to be very difficult, especially if your WH decides that he wants to keep in contact with OC. You know that you both can decide on NC with OW as well as OC, but there are other women on the Pregnancy/Child board who can probably assist much better. If I were you, I would see council from a lawyer TODAY to make sure that YOUR finances and those of your family/boys are secured.

You ought to be concerned just with YOUR welfare and the welfare of your children. Never mind what OW wants or says... Why do you listen to her? Where are you getting your information from? Mto3B, she is only out to hurt you and you are doing a good job of letting her do it.

I wish there is something that I could do or say that would make you feel better and end your pain. You know, a few months ago, I say your picture on the MB photo thread and I thought to myself "What a good-looking woman with three beautiful boys". Don't ruin this for yourself by letting your husband and OW destroy this. This can take a heavy toll on yourself and your physical well-being and you do not deserve this.

I'm sure that you will get some good advice on this board because there are certainly experts here. All I can say is take a good look at yourself in the mirror and figure out if THIS is the life that you have pictured for YOURSELF?

Best to you always!

Kati

Hi What AmIDoing! Thanks for the big hug!

Where is everyone??? ARe you all that mad at me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi mom -

Been following your story. Might have posted to you once or twice.

Unbelievable! OW pregnant.

When I read that I had one thought...

Since your WH is so frustrated with your own kids and can't seem to deal with them, I would think the OW being pregnant would be a BIG LB! Not the case, huh?

Wishing you the best as well as a happy ending to your nightmare!

Take care.

sss

Hi hon,

Glad you gave an update. This is an awful ride, isn't it. Didn't even ask to be on it and so feeling a bit hi-jacked, ya know?

You are sounding much stronger and I am proud of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Did the OW give prego proof yet? She is truly a nut case ya know. Be prepared for his neediness to send her in your direction. Remember the story about the OW in our case? When she wasn't able to control the WS, she thought she could start up with me in a vicious sort of way....sending me e-mails, making hang-up calls to my work and home. Yea..... they are crazy. That's how the OW in our case got the name PBR (psycho babble rabbit). U name it yet? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

L.

<small>[ March 17, 2005, 04:50 AM: Message edited by: Lady_In_Red ]</small>

I don't know what to say except, hang in there. YOu did everything great...this totally sucks! It is unbelieveable what these WS and OW get themselves into. They act like teenageers.

Stick to your NO CONTACT or no way back into your house and your life. Don't get sucked back in. When your H is ready for NC and to dedicate himself to YOUR M, then you can act as a team in dealing with a pregnancy, if it is real. Otherwise, he MUST be forced to deal with the consequences of HIS actions.

Hugs to you.

Dear momto3boys,

You have posted on threads to me and my wife before. I thank you for this.

I have read this thread and it has torn my heart out. No one should have to face a situation like that. It is absolutely unacceptable behavior.

I can't give you any advice or tell you what to do. I would not even begin to comprehend how entangled your choice is.

All I can tell you is a quote from Ben Franklin

"Where sense is wanting, everything is wanting."

I know God can turn the darkness to light, but I cannot imaging you being able to see any of it now. Know that there are lots of people who respect you - here on this board at the very least. Have faith that you WILL step into the light again.

I posted on another thread that:

"The measure of faith is not in the results, but when you quit." - NCWalker's pastor

All I can say is that you have a long life ahead of you and your decisions now will be set in stone as soon as you make them. So before you decide, take the three deep breaths and MAKE SURE you are making SENSE to yourself. Try and consider all possible outcomes of a decision, one way or the other.

Only one person has to live with what you choose, and that is YOU.

Only one person is responisble for your WH actions, and that IS NOT you.

Protect the best interests of the 3 boys. Your primary concern. I am so sorry your spouse does not have HIS priorities straight. Just make sure you can still hold your head high when the dust settles. You have done no wrong.

NCWalker

Bmp

{{{{{{{mom}}}}}}}}}

Hugs to you. I really don't even know what to say that hasn't already been said. I'm sure your head is spinning. I've followed your story and have posted to you a few times, and this just almost seems unreal (though I know it's not! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ).

Just keep trusting God. He allows things for reasons we can't see now and may not see for years. If your WH is still wanting to stay with you, that's a good sign. Maybe this is what it will take to finally get him to commit? Maybe not.

But you do sound much more together than you did a couple months ago. You are able to think rationally and make sound decisions. You will be okay.

LL

{{{{MOM}}}

Another episode of "As the Stomach Turns".ugh.Hang in there.I really really really hope that dad is REAL this time around in wanting his marriage.If not,we're coming after him!

O

Oh Mom, I am so sorry.
Your H is a doctor? Does he know where babies come from?

I doubt that they were having unprotected sex. I would think that he would insist on a pregnancy and DNA test before ANYTHING goes any further here. She could be lying and using this to manipulate him. It happens all the time when the OW becomes desparate. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

She has been involved with him for a long time, she knows he can be manipulated...

He does not like being around his kids now, what does he think it would be like with new ones? The same, I assure him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

She is willing to abort the child or use this option as blackmail, again, would he want to be with someone like this and let her raise his child?

IF there is a baby, she should most certainly consider adoption. This is not going to be a fairy tale ending for anyone involved.

Get legal help to protect you and the boys and keep up the Plan B. DO NOT let him come back again until this is sorted out, he is not ready to make a commitment to you and you deserve that if he is to return.

I have been wondering about you and am very sorry to hear the latest. Prayers to you, Ladysing

Hi Mom! I feel like you and I have gone through so much together. Both of our fogged out H's were posting here at the same time. I'm sorry your H wasn't able to break free from his addiction. As everyone else has said, take care of you and your boys first. Then please take all the time YOU need to decide if YOU want to stick with the DOC. He has screwed up many lives because of his selfishness. I'm not saying you should dump him, just that the ball is in your court to decide what is best for you. You are a wonderful, loving woman and you deserve better than what you've been getting. My thoughts and prayers are with you. CV

Just checking on you today, Mom. Hope you are doing OK, Ladysing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So sorry to hear the latest update.

You are stronger. You will get through this. This is the hardest and worst situation in any affair. If you can handle this then i think you should be okay to take care of everything else <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you to all of you who have supported me and responded to me...I am here and have read everything...i will write an in depth response later today...I HOPE!

I just had surgery on the 8th and am still recuperating...So I am on bed rest for 3 full weeks! VERY HARD to do with 3 little ones...but I do have help coming in every day!

I will write back hopefully later today! Thank you all! {{{{HUGS TO EVERYONE}}}}

{{{{{{mom}}}}}}} sending you hugs from Canada. I am so sorry to find out the new delvelopmet. Like others said, you are much much stronger. I am concerned about you and hope that your recovery from surgery goes ok. I am already in the stage that letting go of WH. Let him have his fantasy. Lots of love and support.