The OWH called me today and he knows that his W and my H had an affair and may be seeing each other still. He said he was clueless. I have known for sure for a month but had a very good idea about it for the last few months. I told him I did not call him because I did not want my H to lose his job and was trying to work things out with him and was not concerned about their relationship.

I called my H and told him that I spoke with OWH and that he knew. My H just left work and cancelled his day. I am not sure what he is going to do. i am so worried about him and us. His job is at the resort where these two are daily, and I assume that the OWH will tell the management and he will lose his job. I am worried about what my H is doing, he says he is sitting there thinking. We have lots of friends out there and it is just going to be hard.

I just fear that he will up and run, and move away because of the shame. I have told him many times that we can work this out. I just hope he does nothing crazy, he sound very down and depressed and lost.

I love him so much. I just do not know what to do now. Should I stop by the place he is staying and see if he is there and ok? PLEASE give advice and encourament. I know everyone says that the best thing is for the OWH to know. I just am worried because of the job situation, etc...Sandy

Sandy

Don't try to find him right now. This may snap him into reality. He needs to suffer the consequences of his ridiculous behavior on his own. Let it all sink in. Leave a candle burning for him at home. Plan A, be his FRIEND.

No chasing, ok? WS hate that crap.

Sandy - we're not in a position to give advice on his job situation. He could have had more control over this when you discovered the affair if he had done the right things then. Now it's totally out of his hands, and in the hands of another betrayed spouse, so he'll have to suffer the consequences of his choices. You own a piece of this because you chose to protect the affair by not informing OW's H, effectively becoming a participant in it. You were "not concerned with their relationship", so don't expect OW's H to be the least bit concerned with your H's job.

As far as advice on recovering your marriage, we are better versed at this and I suggest you stick to Plan A, but DO NOT deny him the value of feeling the emotional consequences of handling any confrontation from OW's H. If/when he comes to you, embrace him. But do not necessarily "rescue" him or try to protect him from experiencing the results of his decisions.

<small>[ July 19, 2004, 10:39 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

I know I should let him think about it. I am just worried about our situation, and our money situation if he ups and leaves work because of the situation.

I hope he realizes what he has done but knows as I have told him that we can get through this...

lovetoomuch...I am sorry I do not know much about your situation...do you have kids? How long have you been married?

Your WH is very confused right now...let him have his time to think...continue with your Plan A...this may kick him back into reality real quick! hang in ther!

I have no kids but still want to work this out. My H has been out of the house, on his own choosing for over 3 weeks. He is staying with a friend but has been calling daily but feeling major guilt and not sure what to do. He knows how I want very much for us to work this out.

I am just worried so much now. I am afraid about finances, his job, and just everything.