Well, I took the advice I was given here and told H about my A last night. It was the hardest thing i have ever done. I hurt him so bad. I am so sorry for what I did. We did a lot of talking and actually had an amazing night after the hard part was over. He said it was a relief to get it all out in the open finally. Before he went to sleep last night he told me....just remember that I love you and we are not 2 anymore we are one. We can get through this. I know we have a long haul in front of us. Especially since my A was so long lasting, not the PA part but the EA part. I am still having a lot of trouble with trusting him, withdrawl from OM and depression. But he showed me a side of him last night that I didn't know was there. I am so hopefull for our marriage now and feeling the startings of love for him again. He did and said all the right things last night. I am so sorry I have hurt him so bad. Now for my question. Any advice on where we go from here? I don't want to blow this. He was on the verge of moving out before I told him of A he told me last night. But now it seems that has all changed. I am feeling lucky I got a second chance. And very very thankful. God is good. Totally

All I can say is to hang on...The first step is taken, this was a HUGE step for you.

Now, you need to just keep in mind that your husband is likely to say (and maybe do) many things in the next few days that are really going to hurt, this is a natural knee-jerk reaction. After his thoughts settle down, he will probably me more able to discuss things in a calm(er) manner.

You did a good thing here. This is the only way that your relationship could ever heal. Work hard.

Wow. That was fast. Usually we have to talk to people for weeks and weeks before they take this step.

Print out the emotional needs questionnaire and see if you can start meeting each other's needs.

Also will he post here? We can help him too.

Good job.

Have you sent OM a no contact letter? If not, write one and get your H's approval of it. Allow him to mail it. This will have huge symbolic significance for your recovery.

Was OM married? If so, does his wife know about the affair and its end? Don't assume she does unless you tell her.

Finally, ditto believer - tell your H about this site and the help available here.

<small>[ December 03, 2004, 01:26 PM: Message edited by: lovemyhubby ]</small>

tb, i just wanted to send you some support too. you did a good thing. i know how hard that was to do. you should feel proud of yourself and do your best to hang on to that thought because there will be many hard days ahead. keep remembering that you cannot change the past but you are doing the right things now and that is what matters at this point. God bless.

Hi, thanks for all the replys and support. To answer your questions.
Yes, it was fast, sort of. God had been working on me for about 5 weeks before I posted here. It was like I had to do it yesterday, He wouldn't leave me alone about it. So I did it.
I am going to print out the emotional needs questionaire. And H won't come here and post, though I have told him about you guys and how much help you have been to me. He never, never uses the computer.
I have not sent OM a NC letter per sey. I did leave him a note saying that I would not be seeing him nor coming to church. I told him about the no more sex part about a week earlier than that in person.
OM was not married, he was D.
My H has been wonderful. He just told me that he wants me and he will win me back no matter what it takes. He went to see my Pastor today. And he has a Dr's appt next Wed to see about getting back on his depression meds to help him through this. I have told him so many times that I am so sorry for what I have done to him. I have done nothing but cry today. I am one lucky woman to have him and have him still want me after what I have done to him. Totally

Totally - your sincereity comes through your words.

If your H won't read here, print out this post for him to read. It may be valuable for him to know that there are guys here who have experienced what he's going through and that we'll listen if he needs us.

Likewise, there are others here who can help you through this hardship. Do not succomb to temptation and relapse with OM. He's not worth your heartache.

WAT

Dear totallybroken,

You should be very proud of yourself in telling your H. You did the best and right thing. (Trust me on this).. I wanted to put it off telling Mr BV for ages. Was involved in 16 month EA/PA. God started to work on me HARD over Christmas through to Easter till eventually I broke down and told H.

I am (and others on here) are now in the early days of recovery of marriage, withdrawal from OM and letting go of OM and feelings for him.

It is hard, painful and I feel I am on a roller coaster of emotions,.

However, I DO know one thing, I am starting to get a small 'flicker' of hope that I can make it despite my emotions being all over the place.


But he showed me a side of him last night that I didn't know was there. I am so hopefull for our marriage now and feeling the startings of love for him again. He did and said all the right things last night. I am so sorry I have hurt him so bad.

I am in the same position as you said above. This is where I am at now. Exactly as you have described it.

There are people who will encourage and support you in this early stage of withdrawal. Sometimes I have good days and then bad days. It seems will I ever get out of this.

You can read some of the struggles I and other FWW's have had either on the 'Moving On' Thread or 'JL (again) please' thread. I guess I tend to let all my feelings out when I post, so I know I will come over as a bit messed up inside.

I am a Christian (struggling one) and before my A I was active in church ministry. I have withdrawn from all these things now while I sort out my life.

I guess one day I hope in some way I may be able to help others in something new.

Please take care,

Lots of love,

Kas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear totallybroken

Are you still there? Hope you are ok.

Please post when can to say how things are with you and H at the moment.

Just wanted check how you were, before I log off for the night.

Love and blessing to you.

Kas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />