|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
tnagier in the past...
but hitting the jersey shore this weekend....
Thank God BIL has a boat...
hate to be landlocked on vacation...that close to water....
gotta get some big Jersey girl hair going on though...fit in like the locals....
do you think Melody might have some tips...
ARK
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
You know why it's the "shore" in Jersey and the "beach" everywhere else, right?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Because we "shore wish we had a real beach!"
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
Gadzooks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
The movie was pretty good.
-ol' 2long
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,553
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,553 |
Hey 2long! Didn't you used to be QFQW or something? I've finally got round to reading Italo Calvino -- "Six Notes for the New Millenium" (the Norton lectures) -- and thought of you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
ark:
"just to be really really creepy...
and God knows I admire you for your MIND!!!! if nothing else....
how much of this is that you don't ratmeat to win???"
You know? I've never really thought much about it. That is, unless me occasionally wishing that a small asteroid would leave a smoking hole where his neighborhood used 2 be consti2tes wanting him 2 "lose" or something.
"especially since you know that she claims her no contact is 'all your fault... gag puke AND
currently being followed...but not necessarily happily embraced by her...which is crappola any ways...and just her using something to hurt you back with...
she's in no contact because somehow it serves HER....even if it SERVES HER to HURT you...."
I don't know if you remember (I don't think my W does), but SHE was the one 2 offer "temporary NC" 2 get me 2 come home when I moved out 2 "remote plan A" for a 2ple of weeks in... ...what was that, April?
-ol' 2long
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,421
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,421 |
AMM: Yep, it's me! I still use this name over on www.iloveulove.com forums, though I prefer ol' 2long for here and on SYMC. I can spell "two", "to" and "too" in this persona, too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> -Qfwfq
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
yeah...
I remember you moved back in a lot sooner for my taste...but that's you not me...
so she sets up no contact to get you back in the house...
and then throws her begrudgement about no contact at you now and then when it suits you....and her lack of belief in it...even though it is an act of respect towards you...
minimal respect...because maintaining contact with him says...
I don't care if I hurt my husband...
I still want to be able to talk to my boyfriend...
what is YOUR belief about you and her and plan b...
ark
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
ark:
"what is YOUR belief about you and her and plan b..."
I'm a stronger individual. Capable of being in a committed relationship.
She's still very fogged in, but clearly going through withdrawl. I don't really care if she thinks it's "all my fault". I've said before, "Okay, everything wrong is my fault, and everything good you can take credit for. Does that help?" and she's said "no." Someday maybe she'll get that.
plan b: I've never done it. When I was out 4 2 weeks in April, it wasn't plan B. I moved out "so we would stop hurting each other" with our LBs, and I came over for "dinner dates" with the fam, per Penny's suggestion. It worked. Now, we're talking about the SAME issues, mostly without LBs, but some still. So long as I'm not so wrapped around my perception of HER progress and focused on mine, I do okay.
And as Penny said, what do I care what it 2k 2 get her 2 agree 2 NC for now. Getting her started on withdrawl was the point.
-ol' 2long
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
And as Penny said, what do I care what it 2k 2 get her 2 agree 2 NC for now. Getting her started on withdrawl was the point. OK I can live with that thought...for a select point in time...with an internal clock kicking... besides this is all about me.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> but I think 2long..you will always continue to progress...that really has never been a huge issues....though you move slowly and surely... and I think she is a master manipulator.... I'm a stronger individual. Capable of being in a committed relationship but 2long your ability has never been in question..it is hers... also while I appreciate that you two are communicating better...what concerned even more in your last post was you saying that you two are comminicating better now...but that she did say that she didn't want the marriage...and I was dying inside to ask you that while the tone and length and ability to say things are improved...my question is are either of listening and HEARING one another.... do you two hear eachother... do you hear her when she say she doesn't want this marriage... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ark
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
ark:
good 2uestions!
"but 2long your ability has never been in question..it is hers..."
Thanks for that, at least. Yes, perhaps her ability is in 2uestion. But she's not here 2 address her ability. We only have my interpretations of her actions and words 2 go on. I think this is where the danger lies in these forums (Penny has said the same thing 2 me). The best, most thoughtful thing I could do would be not 2 talk about my W and what I perceive she's doing or not doing, but then I don't give a clear pic2re of how *I'm* doing. So, I try not 2 assume 2 much. But I do end up leading the witnesses 2 some degree anyway in the process.
"also while I appreciate that you two are communicating better...what concerned even more in your last post was you saying that you two are comminicating better now...but that she did say that she didn't want the marriage...and I was dying inside to ask you that while the tone and length and ability to say things are improved...my question is are either of listening and HEARING one another...."
Here's where I neglected something important that she said (and that I heard at the time, but didn't reply 2 in a positive enough way). She said that, when I moved out in April, she had thought we were doing so much better, and that she didn't feel the need so much for the EA relationship anymore. In not so many words, she said that she DOES want our marriage, but she's obviously still pining for the conversation with RM (but not acting on it for the time being).
In the past 2ple of months, I've asked privately of a few people (including Penny) that know me and our sitch well enough that I can tell them details without compromising our anonymity: "is this withdrawl?" Because I've never seen it before this spring, so I don't know firsthand what 2 expect. The general "tone" around here is "better". I feel better, she feels better... but there are times when really confusing, contradictory things come out of her mouth. ...we ac2ally had a conversation about religion with our daughter last night. And, if anything, my W came across as more objective and willing 2 entertain more disparate viewpoints than I am (or might appear 2 be). In the recent past, she was 2 2uick 2 anger or disrespectful judgment, so this was interesting.
That's just one example. There are others, as well as other examples of "clear fog" statements/actions. I'm still not functioning at 100% capacity at work, but rather than something like 40% like a year ago, it's probably more like 80-90% now.
-ol' 2long
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 293
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 293 |
Okay, okay, okay. I just have to make sure I say this, because it's part of the kind of person I am. (I can never let things drop until I feel that they're resolved) 2long, my comments and questions to you about the drinking had nothing to do with alcohol in and of itself. It only had to do with you. I was just interested in knowing how you feel about it, how you perceive it, where you stand on it. It was just an attempt to get a better understanding of you. I'm neither intelligent enough, perceptive enough, understanding enough, nor patient enough to try to understand the thoughts and feelings of the "others" in everyone's stories around here. The best I can hope for is to learn about those that post here, in the hopes that I might offer some bit of support, understanding, and maybe even insight during their troubled times. That said, do I think your drinking is, was, or ever has been a problem for your wife? Based on what you've said, yes, at various points it seems it has been. Do I think it has anything whatsoever to do with your current situation? Absolutely not. Do I think you're stopping will make even the tiniest bit of a difference right now? Nope, not at all. In fact, I'd be surprised if she even notices it, if you just stop without saying anything or making any promises. But, as said before by many people, it's just one less thing for her to "hold over your head", so to speak. One less bit of garbage for her to hide behind, and one step closer to her having to face the absolute truth of the situation you find yourselves in. As long as she can say "Well if you'd just stop drinking...", then she can avoid the reality that much more, that much longer, that much easier. As for the incident at the store...heh...I know the feeling. For a while, I started to wonder if people had just gotten that much more rude and selfish over the past year. Then I realized that they've probably been this way for quite a while. It's just that I never noticed it so much before. It's amazing how much less tolerant of bad manners and rude behavior we become while going through things like this, isn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Anyway, I just had to make sure I spoke my mind, because I'd probably lose sleep (figuratively) over it if I didn't. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,023
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,023 |
Hi 2long,
I took this from something someone posted to someone on the Just Found Out forum.
I don't really know the definition of what an alcoholic is except for Dr. Harley's, which I think is the best:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some people wonder if they are really alcoholics. They may not go to bars, and they may not even get drunk very often. What is an alcoholic? My definition of an alcoholic is someone who cannot follow the Policy of Joint Agreement because of their craving for alcohol. If your drinking in any form bothers your spouse, and you cannot or will not give it up for his or her sake, I consider you an alcoholic because alcohol is more important to you than the feelings of your spouse.
(end quote)
I really don't drink much...I'd probably agree with your wife that you drink too much..but I am aware that I am probably in a minority and hardly 'normal' when it comes to my own tolerance of alcohol or my tolerance of alcohol abusers. I worry about my 23 yr old son's use of alcohol and his need to drink beer/get drunk especially every weekends. That is what his circle of friends is in to.
I think you have really already thought this through for yourself. I just thought of you when I read that quote.
All the best to you.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
140
guests, and
73
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,491
Members71,964
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
