Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 376
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 376 |
I need to know this. Do you confront or overlook, or whatever when WS tells you he loves OP? WS told me he wanted to be a supporting man to his woman. I was infuriated. Is this just part of the fog? What the hell about me?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 35
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 35 |
my wife told me this same thing a couple of days ago.... I just let it go.... She's known this man less than 3 months. I am trying to stay strong. She has been living with him and his roommate for the last 3 nights. It's excruciating.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 291
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 291 |
Hi Cyn...
"Do you confront or overlook"...
OVERLOOK, it's "fog-speak"! It's truly amazing the "fuzzy logic" that's attendant with A's.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 376
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 376 |
So do I just not even mention her?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,906 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cyn1018:
<strong> So do I just not even mention her? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It would depend on the circumstances. If you were having a "calm" conversation, and these words came out of WS's mouth......I would say something like: "This type of comment is hurtful for me to hear. Please do not tell me such things."
And, yes, it's part of the "fog." But you shouldn't have to sit there and take it. Simply inform WS that it is hurtful to hear, and ask nicely if they would not tell you such things.
Then - FERGED-ABOUDIT!!!!!!!!!!!! Your best course of action is to ignore most of what they say while inhabiting the alien planet!
God Bless,
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
I suggest you think about this from a Plan A standpoint.
Recall that in Plan A, you need to avoid angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements, and anything else that may be a love buster or make a withdrawal from the love bank.
With this in mind, do you think a "confrontation" or any statement challenging, questioning, or mocking a WS's feelings toward their OP is Plan A-like?
Of course it isn't.
It doesn't matter that you are displaying more logic or rational thinking than the WS. It doesn't matter that it shouldn't make them mad with you, it just does. Remember, you're dealing with an alien abductee and your normal thoughts processes won't work.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 376
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 376 |
Good point. He will probably defend his feelings more intently. OW wins again.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
No OW is not winning. She's merely there at the moment.
If you follow the guidelines on this site, there is NO WAY you will not win in the end. This doesn't mean that you are guaranteed to get what you currently want - the resusitation of your marriage - but it DOES guarantee that no matter what happens, you will come out of this WAY ahead of OW. Period.
Keep your head high and shoulders back. You WILL BE a winner.
WAT
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 7
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 7 |
This sounds like the same as my situation. I am trying to not be angry, depressed, upset, scared, and trying not to 'vent' but it is nearly impossible.
I just have to try harder to 'not care' what is happening or what will happen and try to let him figure it out for himself. But it IS REALLY HARD!
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
1,061
guests, and
76
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,522
Members72,026
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
|
|
