I posted this on my other thread but someone suggested posting this separately so here i go.

H called early this morning (i had planned on calling him later today) he said thank you for calling him on his birthday (7/14) and that it was sweet. he also called to say that he could bring the dogs up on wednesday or thursday and which would be better. i said thursday (7/22) and asked what time did he think he would be there. he said he was going to leave around 6am so he should be there around 5 or 6 pm. i asked if he could make it more around 6 and he said that was fine because it would give him more time to sleep. i asked if he was back in florida, and he said "yeah I got back this morning" (notice he didn't say "we") and that he was on his way to mcdonald's to get something to eat. i asked how the dogs were doing and he said fine. that he called the guy who was staying at the house almost everyday, etc. bascially just said we would see each other on thursday and then we hung up.

just would like to ask for prayer for thursday. i'm sure my H is going to want to get back on the road as soon as possible, spend as little time w/me as possible. but i try to view each interaction as an opportunity to show change and hope and pray that God will use it to soften my H's heart, that he would be receptive to me, and that seeds would be planted and/or nutured for him to be willing to work on the marriage. he just came back from a week w/OW and his family so i have no idea what kind of mindset he is in now.

i did discuss w/SH in our last session about something i wanted to say to H when he did drop off the dogs. something along the lines that i did think he was a good person, that i knew the kind of man he wanted to be and that i believed in him. SH said it would be okay to say that and thought it would be a good move. now i just have to get the courage to say it and hope it doesn't sound too forced or manipulative. trying to decide if i should say it just as he's leaving, kind of ask him if i could say something. or if i should take his hand, ask him to sit down and tell him, etc. i don't know. i'm sure we will hug but like i said, i don't really have a good feel for what his mindset is coming back from this trip and he may keep me at arm's length.

i have a picture of us together (8x10 size from 6 yrs ago) on top of the TV (i don't have a lot of stuff in the house right now so it would be hard not to notice).i put a note that he gave me a little over a year ago on the corner of the picture. it was a note that he left me at work on a post-it that said he stopped by to see me but i had a meeting "love, WH" then i also have a pciture next to the 8x10 of just him playing his guitar at school, it's about a 3x5 size picture. i also planned to hang some things up in the bathroom that might get him thinking things (it's worth a shot). i have a book that he gave me for christmas by my bed, and planned to have another book that he gave me in the living which i usually read at the gym. of course i will try to look my best and wear something that i think he would think is attractive.

anyway, please pray that God's will be done and that some of the fog over my H's eye would be lifted in order for him to see things more clear on thursday. i continue to pray for all of you, RR

Already planned on it, RR. I hope you can get a chance to chat him up a little.

Now IIRC he's going far out of his way to bring the dogs. Could you try to include the things you want to say in some expression of thanks for making that effort?

GC

thanks gray for the quick reply, as you can imagine this is producing some anxiety in me and the approaching days. do forgive me though for letting some of my blondeness come out but what does "IIRC" mean or was that a typo?

yes, you absolutely right! thank you for reminding me that i need to thank him for bringing them up here. i was talking to what i would call one of my "prayer warriors" at church last night (i talked to her last week about everything that's going on, my pastor thought it might be a good idea i talk to her since she had been through a similar experience) and she said for me to just be a nice as i can possibly be, to thank him and appreciate him for bringing the dogs up here, and to not cry.

so i guess there a couple more things i need to get hammered in, to thank him and to not cry. i did pretty good the last time i saw him, i did get choked up a few times and hard to turn my head but i didn't cry.

i figured i would ask him how the drive was and when he had to go back to work. ask him to please call me when he got back safely, etc. if he get's there about 6pm and leaves by 630pm then he would probably get back at 630 am on friday, provided he didn't stop for any length of time. but if he asks me how i'm doing i guess i'm not sure how to answer anymore. SH says not to say i'm okay or something like that because it's giving my H a get free out of jail card but at the same time i don't want it to backfire on me either, like always making him feel guilty. i guess i could say something like i'm just trying to do the best that i can. which is different from I'm struggling because i'm not w/my husband.

thanks GC for the reminder and good luck to you as well, continued prayers for you, RR

If I Remember Correctly.

thanks GC, i'll try to "remember" that myself.

just thought of something else i could talk about w/my h. i could ask him how his family is doing. he just saw most of them and it seems appropriate. maybe at the same time i can get an idea of his mindset regarding the trip and where he is NOW.

i'm anxious to have thursday done and over with so i can start getting some sleep again. although that may be difficult w/the dogs back in the house. oh well at least i'll have some company and unconditional love.

prayers to all of you

My thoughts and prayers will be with you as well RR. I know you'll do well.

Prayers just said for you.

my prayers are with you too RR, today and especially on thurs.

RR,

I'll be thinking of you on Thursday. I think it would be good to make some small-talk with hubby. Ask him about the dogs; how they have been; if they need anything in particular (foods, shots etc.). Are the dogs on a particular schedule etc.? Asking about his family nonchalantly might not be a bad idea either. I wouldn't probe too much though, just ask casually that you hope everyone is doing alright. I wouldn't ask about his trip with OW to his family's house though. Ask him how his studies are going; if he's read any good books lately; seen any movies?

I'll be praying for you, girl. You'll be alright.

Kati

i'll see what kind of things he brings w/him, like water/food bowls, food, leashes, toys etc. and if he doesn't bring some of them that's something we can talk about. the dogs aren't on any kind of schedule because he just leaves them outside all day (if he even comes home at all). i took care of all the shots and stuff when i was there in march and he gave me some money for this. i'll probably just ask how his family is doing and leave it at that, nothing about the trip. movies are always a safe bet and i might be able to throw a few things in there that interest him if i have time.

i know i'll be alright, it will all be done and over with before i know it and then i just have to go back to my #2 strategy of things to do when we are not talking or see each other (initiating contact). then start to prepare for my trip in august. i guess i won't be getting any real sleep any time soon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> oh well...

thanks for all the support guys, prayers to all of you.

<small>[ July 21, 2004, 08:50 AM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Dear RR,

I just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you and praying for you and your husband. I will offer special prayers tomorrow. You have been doing so wonderfully and I am truly in awe of your strength. Thanks for continuing to post. I learn alot from you.

Good job with the Bday message...his reply was perfect. Your patient love is seeping into the cracks of the fantasy wall he has built up for himself with the affair.

My husband was similar in that he tried to correct personal and relationship flaws with a fantasy life. There are actually three things people cannot escape, taxes, death and reality. Reality is that the antedote of this affair will never "cure" what ails only true love will.


best wishes,

ayslyne

ayslyne, thank you for your support and words of encouragement. i know that my H will be brought down on his knees one day whether it is in this life or the next. i'm just glad that i was brought down on mine in this life and now know what is needed to be the wife God wants me to be (even though i was the one that was faithful). if it doesn't work out between us, i know someday he will truly have a reality check one way or another and it will affect him many ways, even if it's in the next generation.

i am doing what i can to chip away at this wall he has built around himself as you as well as others call it. like SH it's just such a painfully slow process but like my other thread says, i'm going to just do what i can, when i can, for as long as i can and continue to pray that God will work a miracle w/my H. prayers to you, RR

well getting down to the wire now. i'm going to be leaving work soon so that i can get home and "get ready." i don't have computer access outside work so i won't be able to let you guys know how it goes until tomorrow but i will post the update on my other thread "still going to do...."

thanks everyone for all the support, thoughts, and prayers, RR

well, what can i say? i'll post what happened last night on my thread "still going to do...."

Thanks everyone for your prayers, support, and encouragement.

RR,

I was thinking about you last night. Are you okay?

Kati


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by roughroad:
<strong> well, what can i say? i'll post what happened last night on my thread "still going to do...."

Thanks everyone for your prayers, support, and encouragement. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Me, too. I was looking for your thread this morning.

<small>[ July 23, 2004, 08:41 AM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

Rough -

How's it going? I was just checking in on you. I hope things are OK.

Prayers to you and your H.