Hi onlywords.

Hope you don't mind me calling you out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Do you have a minute?

Pam

I actually have to step away for a while.

Sorry to ask you to post. Just needed to talk to you or BV.

Thanks,

Pam

<small>[ July 27, 2004, 12:36 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

RAP,

Sorry I wasn't here when you "called"....I check in often throughout the day, but late afternoon and evenings I hardly ever get online because RH is on, or 16-yr-old daughter is on the phone with her boyfriend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> !

Is everything ok? I was thinking about you and NCW yesterday as I didn't see any posts from you all day.

Well, let me know if you still need to talk!

Julie

Sorry BV and onlywords.

I just saw your responses. A little embarrassed.

After a few days of some much needed fun with H, the weekend was a real struggle.

I just fell apart yesterday. Didn't want a pity party, I promise.

You girls are both doing so well, I thought maybe your input would push me back into reality.

I could not get my mind focused on the right thoughts, and I was just feeling really tormented.

Sorry. I really messed up July 4th week, and emotionally am going to have to toughen up to get through this faster.

I admire you both. Just wanted to chat.

Hope you both have blessed days today. I probably need to hop off soon and get a few things done.

I am experiencing a little anxiety over switching the kids to the public school. I will be there today or tomorrow, and I panic.

I don't want every day that I walk in there to fear running into OM or his family. I feel I need to shrink into the floor. I don't know if I can take it.

Thanks for letting me share.

Good to see your posts.

Much love,
Pam

RAP,


You've probably left for now, but I'll post anyway, just in case...

I know you wish you were further along in your process than you are, but NC for you has only been a few weeks and it has been basically 4-5 months for me, so try not to compare yourself, ok? I still remember VERY well how I felt for the first few months. And I didn't start posting here until 3 months after D-day, so you missed a lot of my fog and confusion phase! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I also wanted to tell you that as far as I have come, I didn't always do it gracefully, but I did do it! A lot of days were spent moping and pining and regretting and....you name it! I sure as heck suffered my way to where I am right now! Time and distance from OM helps quite a bit. yes, i still see him drive by, and I know that at any time and anywhere, I could possibly run into him. But that doesn't worry me anymore. I don't even know what there would be to say to him! It would be uncomfortable, most likely, but I just have it in my head that it doesn't matter! All that matters is that I have my wonderful husband and I'll keep looking to him and our marriage. It's definitely not "easy", by any means....I hate for you and BV to think I'm "cured" if you want to call it that. I just keep plugging away, and as I said, some days I feel I'm slipping, but I maintain NC, so that's the ticket out!
Right now I can honestly say that I don't really MISS OM, I just feel sad that I can't be friends with him, and it's ok if I can't be his friend as long as I know we aren't enemies, either. That is what bothers me now from time to time. I have no idea what he thinks of me any more, and maybe it's better that way. I just know that I've pretty much forgiven HIM and that helps a LOT in letting go.
It will probably be hard to see your OM, if you do, at the school. But you will be ok! At least that is a public place which provides some shelter from him, if that makes sense!

Just take it one day at a time. Try to keep yourself busy...and I DO know that is easier said than done. But I promise it will get easier!

I hope you have a great day, too!

Julie

Thanks for the response onlywords.

When I think about July 3rd, that makes it two and a half weeks into NC AGAIN.

One day I will carry a poster warning about the problems of on/off A.

Because H was pretty well forced into the confrontation he had with OM, I can't complain about what OM thinks now.

However, it does bother me. We could never be friends. Although that really makes me more sad than anything.

It really bothers me to think he could be angry with me. I have been doing my best to put that to rest, because I have no control over that.

It is just a struggle I am having now. Like you said, just would like to not feel like enemies.

Well, it is out of my hands now. I am praying about it when it comes up. Mostly that God would help me to let it go.

I want to be happy again. I want to start my future with H again. My own lack of letting go seems to be the main roadblock.

anyway, one day at a time is working now. Thanks for the help. I hope you know I do appreciate it.

Sorry if it is frustrating to you. Thanks again. Why do the lows have to seem so low? Ugh. Sorry. I have to learn how to do this on my own. Just applying the principles without a breakthrough. I know that means I just don't give up. At some point, I will get the breakthrough.

Have a geat day, and thanks again,
Pam

<small>[ July 27, 2004, 12:37 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

RAP,

Thought I would drop in and see how you ladies are doing and what do I find?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You ladies worrying about things that us guys just don't seem to worry about. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

It makes no difference if your OM is mad at you, hates you to the ends of the earth, or is crushed by losing the friendship. I never cease to be amazed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> that women who make friends so easily, and so good with words seem to worry about losing friend so much.
It is us social inept guys should be worrying about such things. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

RAP, as you have already been told you are only a few weeks out, and you will be on the roller coaster for quite awhile. Permit me to suggest that when you feel down, just ask your H for a hug, or call him and chat for a moment. He will help you if you let him. Yes, even when it is struggling with thoughts of OM. Your H is a better friend than you realize, plus he is much more. That is why the following saying does NOT apply to him, but does apply to your OM and others in your life. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is my favorite saying because it has such truth. Not everyone is going to like you, especially if you continue to be true to yourself. You will lose friends in life, and yes your enemies will never forgive you. But, it is not a concern, if you true to yourself, and your marriage.

Just a thought, hang in there you are doing really really well RAP. I don't think you realize how well you are doing for being at this stage.

God Bless,

JL

B V and RAP,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know it is something I have to get over, and I try my best to, but it is tearing me up inside, because I can’t understand how OM could say so many things and just ‘walk away’.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, my....I hear you loud and clear....but PLEASE listen to me! OM did NOT just "walk away"!!!! Don't you see, he is doing exactly what you wanted him to do when you said you wanted to stay with your husband? He stood aside.

Don't you see that he probably DOES understand how much more hurtful it would be to you if he kept trying to contact you?

I think that when the OM keeps trying to contact a WW, it means he doesn't give a Cr#p about her! The fact that he is staying away means he CARES....about you, about your husband, about his wife...even about himself!

This is the only way that you and your husband can reconcile and rebuild your marriage, and I really think the OM knows that, and he knows that is what is best for you and all involved!

OM cared, I think....but choosing to LOVE you was not an option that was open to him, or to you, because you both had already CHOSEN to love your spouse's "til death do you part"!!

I hope this makes sense. OM AND YOU both made the best choice you could have made, and that was to stay with your spouses, REGARDLESS of how it felt at the time or even now!

I remember telling my OM that if he was going to hurt someone, that he should hurt me and not his wife....in other words, stop coming over, whether I liked it or not....but he couldn't do it. Then came the day when the CHOICE had to be made, and he made the RIGHT choice, even though it hurt....and I also made that choice, so I don't see where I have any right to accuse him of never caring. In my eyes, his staying away proves he cares at least some.

I hope this helps, even if only a little.

Love, Julie

Dear onlywords & RAP,

I have to log off now but will be back in the morning and reply.

Thanks so much for your post onlywords.

Will reply in the morning.

Love to you all.

Kas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you all so much for your replies.

It really means a lot. I don't have the time I need to reply in full right now, but wanted to say thanks.

BV,

Remind me to reply specifically to your post here.

I have something to say, but I am likely to forget (par for the course lately).

JL,

I can't say how much you helped me.

onlywords,

What a great post.

Will come back later.

Blessings,
Pam

PS Just need to make it clear (because after this July 4th thing I am not sure if anyone can believe me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ), I have not talked to OM. What H did has helped in that sense. I want to maintain NC. I know I have to . Thanks.

Dear RAP,

Have posted on the Moving on thread, but wanted to check you up on here to to make sure you are really ok. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Please understand. I totally believe you when you have said before you have had no contact since then, and I know you would share if you hadn't.

You are a caring person RAP. You have much to give others in life, and I believe you will be used too NC with your own style.

I miss hearing from NC.

Am getting sleepy now on the pc but I just wanted to say that to you RAP that you mean loads to everyone, your dear(!) NC and your kids as well as God. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Goodnite
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Kas

Hi BV.

Just posted on MOving Forward thread.

I could really use talking to you guys right now, but kids need me.

H is working late.

Must go.

I hope to be able to post more later or tomorrow.


Thank you for asking,
Pam

Hi girls, hope you don't mind an intruder.

RAP, you said: I have to learn how to do this on my own. I may be stating the obvious, but you do not have to do this on your own. You have God, NC, and the people here to help you do this. You are progressing and I'm impressed with your growth in such a short time. I know it seems like an eternity. I've been there and haven't forgotten what it was like. You are blessed and loved. You are not alone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Michele

Thank you so much Michelle.

I can't tell you how much I need to hear that. I feel like I am in this enemy land (pretty silly I know).

It helps to know I have people that are on my side.

Alot of this is mental. That is where my battle is.

Thanks so much for the encouragement.

YOu are definitely not intruding. NIce to hear from someone who has learned some already!

Pam