Just got a call from the lawyer. I go to sign tommorrow.

I feel like I'm already single or, more appropriately, alone.

It splits our property, our kids......our lives.

A divorce now is merely an administration exercise.

I feel less than empty.

The PBL will be dropped off when I p/u my son on thurs to leave for fishing.

OK, Binder, you'll be entering the next phase. I predict you'll be happier.

Now, have you found a warmer place to fish?

WAT

Yea, It’ll be the mosquitoes to deal with now.

My spastic attempts at fly-fishing may scare a trout or two to death. Watching me would lead someone to the conclusion that I have tourette’s syndrome. I’ll have to tone down the profanity for my S.

Do you want to talk fishing or Plan B?

I don't know.

I think I'm back to the denial stage of grief.

I have the PBL that we noodled out a couple months ago, but it seems a bit dated now given the time frame and events. I may massage it a tad more.

I plan on handing it to WW as soon as I get my S, then have it on the puter ready to Email to OM and OMW. I'll hit send and then drive the 3 1/2 hours to the mountains and the cabin.

I expect the phone to ring before i hit the city limits. Her biggest EN is conversation and it'll be hard for her to refrain from convincing me of the folly of my approach. We can be "friends" right?

I won't give her the chance to do so.

I am disciplined.

My head is racing. It's about time to leave work, I think I'll go for a run to get some clarity.

I'll check this thread when I get home tonight.

<small>[ July 19, 2004, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

If you really think her reaction will be the "friends" phone call, this adds HUGE reasons to go to a solid Plan B.

Can you do this disciplined, as you suggest?

If you can't, it may do more harm than good.

Plan B is a check valve - one direction and no going back, else the valve is known to be faulty and may as well not be there.

It's good that this coincides with you and son leaving for a distance. A darker dark.

She's had a string attached to you up to now. She decided to separate on her terms. She's been in control of the situation while you demonstrated your wares. You've made you point and now it's your turn to take control and cut that string, setting her adrift.

She made the decision to separate, now YOU'RE making the decision to STAY separated. You're in control, on your terms.

Get it?

WAT

Oh yeah, I get it.

I am a goal oriented person, and can be extremely independent; probably one of the things that contributed to this mess in the first place.

With kids it will be difficult, granted. The schedule, though, is laid out fairly clearly in the separation agreement. I have a friend that can relay E-mail messages. I will block WW’s Email address so she cannot send me messages. I will not ask our friends about her. I will get groceries from a different store than the one we usually frequent. I have call display on all my phones. If I get a push on the cabin, I hope to get it to the point where the kids and I can spend out weekends/summers there.

I can do this.

<small>[ July 19, 2004, 06:37 PM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

Hi Binder,

You can do it.I have done it and it really helped me at the time.I wish I was in Plan B now but all I can do is try and get the D going.It's not what I ever wanted but what is necessary.

Hang in there.Once you are away from your WW's painful actions and discussions you will start to form a tougher skin so when you come back to the table,whether it is to reconcile or D you will be able to withstand either scenario a bit better.That's where I am now.

Just remember: any contact with WW can be dangerous and harmful to you and set you back.Make sure you prevent that from happening to the best of your ability and safeguard your heart.

~Peace and Serenity at the cabin for you and your S.Have a safe drive~


O

Thanks for checking up on me O.

God bless.

Binder - Plan B is quite pleasant, and it allows you to get off the rollercoaster and out of the pain.

Stay very dark, and then go out with friends and enjoy yourself. Then you won't be so tempted to contact her.

Yes believer, I will try and re-aquaint myself to some freinds, mostly over the years our social life has WW's responsibility though.

I will have a lot less problem calling her than her me, just the way we're wired. I will take some of your earlier suggestions to work on the house and stuff. I'm a class A putterer with a huge "to do" list.

S has his 7th birthday on monday. I will skip the festivities with WW and pick him up after for some one on one time. I'll probably have MIL and FIL over too as they, at least, remain aghast at WW's behavior and have said they prefer to spend their time with me right now. Much appreciated support.

Binder - I know your self esteem is in the toilet, so you need to change that. You are a good-looking man and will do well no matter what happens.

I sat around like a zombie for months, but then decided to get busy. I did tons of things, and told neighbors, friends, workmates, etc. that I wanted to go places.

The more you do, the better you will feel.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are a good-looking man and will do well no matter what happens. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's the Northern Pike in the pic that got ya isn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

The truth is I couldn't pick up a girl with a forklift.

That's not even on my radar screen right now, can't even imagine it.

You're right though. I work 4 - 10 hr. days a week and have the children every weekend for the remaining 3 days. Very busy. I have begun to line up baby sitters so I can socialize and keep some kind of life outside work and the home.

Binder -

Yep, it was the Northern Pike. Sorry I am a fisherwoman. Oh, you're the guy with the cap - well you are a cutie-pie too. And a good man.

I want you to recover your marriage. But for your self-esteem, you will do just fine with the ladies, if your wife insists on a divorce.

Binder
you will do well....

S has his 7th birthday on monday. I will skip the festivities with WW and pick him up after for some one on one time. I'll probably have MIL and FIL over too as they, at least, remain aghast at WW's behavior and have said they prefer to spend their time with me right now. Much appreciated support.

you should let them know about your plan b intentions and ask them to not give any info to her about you...
not even that are seeing you..
not asking them to lie for you...
just evasive tatics...

ark

Thank you for the tip Ark^^.

My MIL has begun to amaze me.

I never had much time for her prior to all of this. She's very eccentric and self absorbed, but a lot of this seems to be intuitive to her and she is not fooled by WW rationalizations.

MIL was left by FIL when he ran off with another woman when WW was about 5. MIL then had an A with a married man afterwards. She is not naive.

Since then she has become devoutly religious, in all her actions and even spent a year in South America as a missionary. She is leading me back to church and God.

She understands what needs to be done and has said herself that it's time to let her go, we've done all we can. No problem getting her on board. I planned on telling her about the letter after I give it just to prevent any chance of WW getting the heads up.

I used to doubt my sincerity with my new found relationship with her; whether I was trying to give myself some sense of control over WW by aligning myself with my MIL. I have shed that doubt. We speak every night and she seems to be the only other person that continues to hold out any hope for this marriage. She’s been great support, but she also understands that I may have to move on eventually.

Just got a call from WW. She asked if she could have the kids during one of my weekends in Sept. to go to her sisters wedding. D will be a flower girl, S will be a ring bearer.

I asked: “will OM be there.”

She said she didn't know.

I said no then.

She became Mt. St. Helens.

Is going to call the lawyer, says "liberal access" means she can have them when she wants.

I am trying to control her.

I am a automated unemotional machine.

I am fish excrement. (Bass turd)

I was not hateful, but firm.

I ended the conversation.

Tough to plan A in this situation, but these are my kids. Plan B will be a relief in many regards.

<small>[ July 20, 2004, 09:18 AM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

It's still hard for me to picture OM as my son's step dad. The same "Dad" who helped lay my deceased son in the ground now has my other son half the time. Revolting.

But there's nothing I can do about it.

I don't think you can do anything about who she has around your kids, either.

I understand your reaction very well, but resisting this will only piss her off and foster an uncooperative attitude when it comes to kid issues.

WAT

Binder

be very careful with MIL. My MIL was very supportive in the initial stages. However while WW continued to optically inspect her colon, this gradually changed. Blood is thicker than water etc. MIL presumably decided after a certain amount of time that this was the status quo and therefore adapted to it. This happened approximately at the 1 year mark of the A. Now, 3 months later she is prepared to let OM and WW sleep together in her house while our daughter is present in the same house. Disgusting and despicable but true.

Just be careful - your MIL will always be compromised in helping you because your WW is her daughter.I'm not saying shut her off - but work on the assumption that she might accidentally tell WW of any discussions you have. That way you don't risk yourself. Don't depend on her I guess.

I dunno WAT.

Once we are, if we get divorced I can see my position as tough to defend. Presently we are still married. To let my children hear and participate in what should be a sacred ritual with the utterance of vows to God with their mother standing there with another married man is reprehensible. Isn't it my duty as a parent to prevent their exposure to this?

By the way, the double betrayal you suffered from both your wife and family friend is beyond revolting.