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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 26
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 26 |
I am well aware that my explanation although credible in my eyes can be construed as a denial of an affair and in fact is so seen by my wife but I fully take all responsibility for my actions and am severely distressed at the hurt and pain I caused yet unable to explain when asked "are you aware of the extreme pain and hurt you have caused" in words
Has anybody got some help on expressing in words the awareness of the hurt you caused by having an affair
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Well, I am the BS. Unless you have gone through this, you can never imagine the pain. It is beyond description. Most married people that have taken vows to forsake all others, are stunned when they find out that their spouse has betrayed them.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,902
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Do not go there.
I am BS and it is almost insulting to me when a WS says they "know" what the hurt is like.
Then they turn around in their fog and say we don't understand what withdrawl feels like.
Do not go there.
Anything other than "I can't imagine how much I have hurt you" is an insult. Or probably will be interpreted as one.
NCWalker
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Joined: Jul 2004
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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You should drop all reference to what role the OP had in this...from the miniskirt reference on..
and use only "I" words from here on out to describe YOUR behavior....
You need to be accountable for yourself and your actions even if Angela Joelee or any other attractive woman inserted "here"....came on to you...that YOU alone are responsible for the protection of your vows...
I did these acts regardless of the OP
I chose to take a route that could hurt you wife and the children...
I
I
I...
do not waste one breath villifying the OP it will sound as shallow and false....as it really is...
I am sorry....
I am sorry I hurt you...
I am sorry
I am sorry
become fully accountable..
turn over all email access
cell phone records
promise to answer any and all questions she has....
why does the OP have to leave the church..
Also you need to find a marraige counselor today and go...and invite your wife...and if she doesn't want to go at first...go anyways...
read up on plan a...see what needs you can meet
also how are your daughters really
this has a huge impact on their lives...
ark
<small>[ July 19, 2004, 08:24 PM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 72
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Sometimes there is also a time for silence for the words you look for.
Those looks, that touch, that hug or even that shed tear.
I often think moments of silence some people find uncomfortable. I think they are precious and sadly not used enough.
Sooo at times try letting some of silence do some of the talking.
Max
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 26
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thanks ark and madmax
do I email my wife and tell her to follow my posts ?
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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no bassie...if I read your posts with your shifting of responsibility to the OP..I would throw things at the monitor..
why did the OP have to leave the church...
ark
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and I have this crazy idea to give her what she wants sex and then tell her to leave and finally get the message that I am married and not interested
The crazy idea (all 5 min of it)works she so enraged she wants nothing to do with me but a couple days later she contacts my wife and tells her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let me get this straight, bassie, you actually told your W that you had sex with the OW in order to "give her the message?"
Surely you jest. Please tell me you didn't use this excuse with your W. Please...
<small>[ July 20, 2004, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 26
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thanks ark and melodylane
ark the reason for leaving the church read churchbuilding is that the church who gather in that building supports the wife and kids and asks the op and the h to attend another churchbuilding can be in same denomination that does not matter even if the wife is actually the ws the same reasoning applies
melodylane yes I did unfortunately
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 293
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"are you aware of the extreme pain and hurt you have caused"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've got to agree with ncwalker here. Do not go there. If this question is asked, and you must respond, here's what I wish I had heard...
"No. I can't even begin to imagine how much I have hurt you. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry."
Anything else comes across as insincere and/or condescending.
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